Why Carmelo Anthony Going to the Knicks is the Best Thing for Me

This blog is all about me. It always has been, and it always will be (until I get picked up by a website and they start paying me to do this). So...it always will be.

Which is why when an NBA super-star gets traded I can find a way for it to positively affect me.

That said, here are five reasons why Carmelo Anthony being traded to the NY Knicks is the best thing for me, and my NBA enjoyment.

1. Everything is better when NY is the villain - New York might be the only city that can sway the success of an entire professional sports league.

The NFL got about 16 times more interesting when Rex Ryan came to the Jets and began hiring the leagues more, um, 'frowned-upon' players while making claims of winning Super Bowls, beating the Patriots, and smelling women's feet.

The only time I can remember actively watching MLB was during 2004 when the Red Sox and Yankees faced off in the ALCS. That was 7 years ago! I haven't watched baseball since.

Sources say I'm not missing anything.

The New York Red Bulls (that's the MLS team for those of you who don't know...so, all of you) have been a middle of the pack team for years, and Major League Soccer hasn't been doing so hot in America. So...you know. You can see a clear correlation there.

The New York Rangers have been...OK, I think I made my point. Go look it up for yourself if you need more convincing.

Now, after the Knicks have been beyond irrelevant for the last 10 years, I actually began to pity them. It's like watching an Al Pacino film from this decade. He used to be the biggest star and one of the most imposing acting forces on Earth, and then you watch The Recruit, 88 Minutes, and Righteous Kill and you just start feeling bad for him. Maybe its time he pulls a Sean Connery and start doing voice-overs for video games. Let us remember his great films nostalgically and not force us to watch his decrepit body crumble before our eyes on screen.

The Knicks were irrelevant and the Eastern Conference was boring. You had the Celtics (which are a fun team to watch and you can easily form an opinion for or against them) and the Magic (who you want to like but never really take seriously). Before that it was the Cavaliers (with LeBron) or the Pistons (snooze). I don't know about you, but when I think Orlando, Cleveland and Detroit I don't exactly think NBA powerhouses. It's been the Lakers and Spurs show for the past 10 years. Yawn.

Now the Knicks are relevant. Carmelo, Amare, Chauncey Billups and company. Al Pacino starred in "You Don't Know Jack" which is up for nomination. And I can rest easy and be comfortable again. I can hate the NY Knicks. After rooting for them to get Carmelo for the past 7 months, I can immediately flip the switch and begin to loathe their entire being.

Life is good.

2. The Power has Shifted to the Eastern Conference - Don't worry. Don't skip ahead. I'm not actually going to break down the power shift in the NBA. I just want to use this paragraph to rant about Kobe Bryant. (But let it be known that the Eastern Conference is in a trading frenzy right now moving pieces and trying to one-up each other with the bigger acquisition - Deron Williams traded to the Nets, Wizards making moves, Hawks making moves, etc.)

OK, so Kobe. Just when I was beginning to respect the guy as a player and a professional and he goes and does what he did in the All-Star game. I've never seen someone so concerned with winning the MVP of the All-Star game. He was doing everything he could on the court (including shooting 26 times in 29 minutes) to ensure he would get the most meaningless honor given in the NBA. He's like the kid in class who doesn't have any friends and gets picked on a lot so he focuses all his attention on studying and becoming really smart. He wins every spelling bee and gets high marks on all his tests like he's going to prove himself to the rest of the class. Look, we get it, you're smart. High-fives for everyone. Now lets head to the bathroom for your Thursday afternoon swirly.

Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a child or maybe his dad, Joe "Jellybean" Bryant, drove him too hard. Or maybe it was growing up with a dad nicknamed "Jellybean". Who knows. But when you try that hard in an exhibition game to prove yourself, you deserve to have your knee caps removed and used for batting practice with Jose Cancseco.

It's like Kobe has a list of Michael Jordan's accomplishments on his bedroom wall. And if he can just check off every box that MJ did, then Kobe can be called at least as good as MJ was. (Jordan had three All-Star MVP awards, Kobe now has four). I'm sure he raced home, got out his big red Sharpie and added a check mark to his list.

What a loser.

3. The NBA is Exploding Right Now - It started with the Boston Celtics back in 2007 when they acquired Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, assembling the first Big Three (of this generation) since Manu, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan down in San Antonio. In 2008 Pau Gasol (one of the league's premier centers) gets traded to the Lakers for a chicken sandwich, two handshakes and a side-hug. Then LeBron and Chris Bosh go to the Heat to join forces with Dwayne Wade. Struggling teams all over are clearing cap space to sign big name free agents. Amare goes to NY, Carmelo gets traded there. Deron Williams goes to New Jersey while teams are clearing cap space for Chris Paul's free agency coming up.

The NBA is a fantasy league right now (credit @JoeFuller4 for that).

And you know me....I LOVE FANTASY SPORTS!!!

4. Playoff basketball is going to be so good this year - I won't belabor this point either. The Eastern Conference will shake down something like this:

1.  Boston (4 All-Stars)
2. Miami (3 All-Stars)
3. Chicago (1 All-Star)
4. Orlando (1 All-Star)
5. Atlanta (2 All- Star)
6. New York (1 Eastern Conference All-Star, 1 Western Conference All-Star)

The entire Eastern Conference All-Star team came from 6 out of the 16 teams. Those 6 teams are the top 6 ranked teams in the Conference. You think any of these teams look forward to playing each other in the playoffs? Get your popcorn ready...I just used a T.O. joke from 2005 and deserve to have my keyboard taken away.

5. The Washington Wizards - Carmelo going to the Knicks and the subsequent trading frenzy that has followed has finally allowed me to let go. I no longer need to pretend that the Wizards can be anything other than completely irrelevant in the NBA until at least 2026. I'm giving it 15 years. Why? Unless Washington suddenly becomes the hot place to play, we're not going to get any big name free agents for a while. We have no pieces to trade, we have the ugliest uniforms and a name from a game of Dungeons & Dragons. No one is coming here.

So we have to wait out the primes of LeBron, Wade, Amare, Carmelo, Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose, Joe Johnson, Rajon Rondo, and others. By that time the Wizards may have accumulated enough Lottery picks to have done something worthwhile.

Either way, John Wall's prime will be past and his talent will have been squandered. Sure, he'll break the assist record and set a consecutive double-double streak for every game in the entire season. But the Wizards will win 20-30 games and never make it out of the East.

So, here's to the 2030's! That's the decade I'm calling for Washington sports. We'll be relevant then. And it's only 19 years away!

I'm going to go hit myself in the head with a shovel...hopefully that makes the next 20 years go by faster.

3 Things: Gilbert, NHL, and DC Fans

I understand that I'm about as multi-dimensional as Flat Stanley. I write about football or fantasy football. Occasionally I'll mention a TV show no one is watching. So I'm gonna make like a well structured portfolio and diversify myself.

There are three things I'd like to bring to the table this morning. Number one is actually number zero. Rather, Agent Zero.

Agent Zero- Gilbert Arenas, or, as you know him, that homeless bearded guy who points guns at everyone, is struggling to stay out of the media's harsh and imposing glare. Arenas gets a bad rap. In fact, a terrible rap. And rightfully so. He lacks what we call "common sense". He goes about each day like one of us would. We make jokes with our friends, we do stupid stuff, we make ridiculous claims and its all good because nobody actually cares what we do on a daily basis.

Gil, however, fails to understand that every action he takes has an incredible impact because he represents a professional basketball team, a major sports city and himself. When he was in trouble for bringing guns into the locker room, he clearly failed to see what the issue was. The locker room is his place of work. I don't get to bring a glock into my office and keep it in my desk. I keep it taped to the bottom of my chair. Duh. No, just kidding. I'm not a self-involved nincompoop.

When Gil says something like, "I lost all feeling a long time ago. Basketball is basketball..." or when his press day photos through the years look like this, or even better, like this, you have to wonder what is going on with this guy and why he is so far out of touch with reality. I bet he still thinks Pluto is a planet.

He even said he wants to help John Wall get ready to take over the team so he (Gil) can move on. Has anyone wanted to be a part of anything less, ever? Maybe Dwayne Johnson when he filmed The Tooth Fairy.

Now Gil is faking injuries to help teammates get more playing time. By the way, I think this is a great gesture, but a moronic move! You are a professional athlete. Being paid millions of dollars to play basketball. You don't get to call in sick. Each day I worry more and more that Gilbert will show up with a Dennis Rodman hair-do and start thanking his therapist for helping him win a championship.

Number 2.

The NHL- I am happy to admit right now that I am a casual Washington Capitals fan. They are my team in hockey, and I will root for them relentlessly, but I will not know every player on the team. In fact, outside of the Capitals I don't claim to know a ton about hockey. But here is what I do know.

There are two great players in hockey (a generalization, but go with it). The first is Capital's All-Star Alexander Ovechkin, the Russian monster who everyone claims is the best player in the league. The second is the ugly hamster looking Canuck, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Two things you need to know:
1) There is a rivalry between the Penguins and the Capitals due to many years of facing each other in the playoffs.
2) Crosby has a Stanley Cup. Ovechkin does not.
2a) The Stanley Cup is the trophy you win when you win the Super Bowl in hockey (just appealing to my reader's who don't know hockey).

The NHL is not a terribly mainstream sport in America, even though its popularity is growing. So, in order to help everybody understand the biggest rivalry between the biggest players in hockey I've come up with this comparison.

Alexander Ovechkin is LeBron James. Sidney Crosby is Kobe Bryant. This works because I hate Kobe, and I also think LeBron is ugly.

Ovie wins in the regular season. Last year the Capitals won the President's Trophy, the award given the team with the best regular season record. Ovie wins Hart Trophies, the award given the MVP of the league (he won it in 2008 and 2009). Ovie leads the league in scoring, and points, and all these hockey things I don't care to understand fully.

Ovie also flames out in the playoffs. He doesn't get it done, he doesn't perform. He's forced to carry his team.

You know who else won back-to-back MVPs and consistently wins the regular season? Who also can't win in the playoffs? LeBron James.

On the other hand, Crosby wins championships. Thats what he does. He wins in the clutch, he wins in the playoffs, he wins in the Olympics. He's a winner. He makes the players around him better. Like Kobe does. Crosby isn't glamorous, in fact he's quite disgusting, but he is efficient.

The only good thing about hockey is the players sign ridiculously long contracts. Ovie's is for something like 13 years. I don't think I have worry about him taking his talents to the Florida Panthers anytime soon.

Number 3.

DC/Metro Area Fans- I was once proud to be a member of this group. A heartily dedicated group who stuck through things think and thin. Always remembering the glory days of old.

Now? A bunch of wishy-washy, non-commital, pansies who don't know how to believe in anything. They live life with a constantly negative outlook and can never accept the good things around them.

The Redskins have beaten two division rivals and one of the top ranked teams in the NFC yet Skins fans want to complain about how we suck and it won't last. You know what? Who cares if it doesn't last!? Who cares if we don't win another game? Enjoy our 3-2 record, enjoy being at the top of the NFC East, and support your team.

Or I will make you spend a long weekend with Jim Zorn and Gilbert Arenas.

Winning the Lottery

I've heard it said many times that life is cyclical. I dunno if I believe that, but I know I've been hiding behind that excuse to justify whats been happening to Washington sport's teams in the past decade. It's uglier than a love child between Kramer and Costanza.

Last night, the NBA held its annual draft lottery. A system I love, by the way, because it facilitates the unknown as any of the bottom 14 teams has a shot at stealing the top draft pick. Let me walk you through the night.

As I said the bottom 14 teams in the league take part in the lottery, each sending a representative to accept the draft pick. They range from gimmicky (Danny Granger from the Indiana Pacers, with a 1% chance at getting the top pick, saying he was wearing a John Wall jersey under his suit) to sentimental (the late Abe Pollin's wife representing the Washington Wizards, slated to take the 5th pick in the draft based on draft percentages).

You spend the first 20 minutes watching terrible interviews and awkward questions, then someone reads out the draft order in reverse in the most uninspiring and dry way ever. Imagine a Senate hearing discussing standardized testing in schools-- I would have found that RIVETING compared to this.

However, the draft isn't dull the entire time. There is a brief moment of suspense when they announce the top three picks. This of course is ruined by the lack of emotion from any of the team representatives. Except for one little old lady.

Before I go on, we need to take a minute to acknowledge a great man. Abe Pollin had been the owner of the Washington Bullets/Wizards for 46 years. He totally transformed Chinatown after building the Verizon Center and contributed to the city in countless ways. He was a great example of a classic owner, a stand-up guy who did so much for the city and the sports teams here.

Seeing his widowed wife, Irene, represent him wearing his 1978 Championship ring on her frail little hand literally sent chills up my spine. If you understand the context you know how moving it was to see her stand next to these massive men representing the other teams and win the #1 pick in the draft. She stood with her mouth agape and the gargantuan Championship ring on her finger, mouthing "Oh my God!" Incredible.

It was almost like Abe Pollin was looking down over us. Which is bull turds cause he wasn't. But it makes for a nice sentiment. We all know the NBA lottery is rigged anyway.

So what does this mean for Washington? It means we can get an incredible building block for the future. It means we have the best chance to take the best player in the draft. It means we can finally make up for taking Kwame Brown with our last #1 pick in 2001. It means maybe, just maybe, we can get past this Gilbert Arenas drama and focus on basketball.

Maybe.

Common knowledge says to take John Wall, the point guard from Kentucky. He's explosive, lightening fast, handles the ball well and finishes at the rim. I've been on a National Player of the Year Evan Turner kick for the past 3 months or so, but I'm getting over that. I mean, he was the best player in college last year and Kobe thinks he's the best player in the draft.

Since when do I listen to anything Kobe says? That guy is a snake. Not a 'Black Mamba' snake, but a sneaky little devil snake. But wow is he good.

If you add Wall to the Wizards and start him and Arenas in the back court I think you've got something. Super athletic, super quick, small guards who can score, get to the rim and create opportunities for the rest of the team. They'll draw defenders away from the rim and open up our super star center JaVale McGee in the post.

Yikes...maybe the Wizards are further off than we thought.

Who knows though? Maybe John Wall is just the guy the Wizards need to attract some good free agents? No, not like Lebron and Dwayne Wade. But maybe Carlos Boozer, Rudy Gay or even Amare Stoudemire?

They definitely have the money if they wanted to. The Wizards have the 6th most cap space available to sign free agents this summer since trading away Antwan Jamison, Caron butler and Co.

Either way, it would appear that the cycle is turning in our favor. Maybe now it's Washington's time to regain its status as a dominant sports city. The Redskins seem to be on the rebound, the Caps have one of the best players in the league, and even the Nationals have pitching hopeful Stephen Strasburg working his way up through the minors.

It could finally be time for Washington to turn its reputation around and begin a new era of sports in D.C. Perhaps its our turn to be on the positive side of the cycle.

I mean, hey, everyone's gotta win the lottery sometime.