The Ducal Crown Manifesto

We’re back.

Year Three of the Ducal Crown Fantasy Football League is set to begin. Although the pre-season Manifesto marks the official start, league activity has taken off faster than a girl who just heard the words, “I’d like to introduce you to my friend Neil.” The Ducal Crown is maturing rapidly; new rules are emerging, the shape is starting to change, and we’re beginning to ask questions we weren’t concerned with last year. At this rate, our league will be able to grow facial hair before TJB.

As we enter the exciting stages of Fantasy League puberty, let’s take a moment to look back on a few of our changes, re-introduce the owners and figure out what that new patch of hair is for.

Allow me to present to you the first annual Ducal Crown League Manifesto.  

Changes

“I see no changes, all I see is--newly developed and structured Fantasy league divisions to promote interleague play based on geographic location--I mean, racist faces”

The newest addition to our little family is interleague divisions. We divided the league into a North and a South division so we can have control over the schedule, force “cross-division rivals” (more on that later) and bring new elements to the table. Do you become loyal to your Division wanting divisional teams to win if you’re out of the playoffs (like rooting for an NFC team as a Skins fan because the AFC is for coconut humping cromagnums)? Or are you internally hostile and focused only on conquering your own division, even rooting for the other side (like Redskins fans do for the Cowboys/Eagles/Giants and vice versa)? Or, are you like Sam, and won’t notice we’ve added divisions at all until Week 13 when you’re deciding whether to start Evan Royster, Roy Helu or Tim Hightower (all of whom you drafted)?

The Divisional Break-Down

North Division (aka, Federales)

Austin Perry

AJ McGraw

Bryan Gunst

Jimmy Hostetler

Noord Noordhoff

South Division (aka, Stonewallers)

Eric Creasman

Neil Morrissette

Ricky May

Sam Persons

TJ Beuerle

Not that you care, but each team will play their division teams twice, the opposing division once, and their Division Rival one extra time (14 games total). And, since you asked, here are the Division Rivals:

Division Rivals

Austin Perry vs. TJ Beuerle- Our reigning champ meets his Fraternal little brother in the fantasy world where they will go at it like enraged sea lions. They will also play each other in Fantasy Football as Division Rivals, but that’s less weird than the other stuff they’ve got going on.

My pick: TJB over Austin 2-0

AJ McGraw vs. Neil Morrissette- Neil and I have been appropriately matched as rivals this year. I’m unconventionally obsessed with Fantasy Football, spending hours of my time doing research, draft prep, and tinkering with different strategies. He uses the same time to develop strategies that don’t work. I formulate my own opinions based on analysis done by professionals. He listens to the same analysts, but forms opinions that backfire. I use 60% of my words each blog finding new ways to humiliate and chide Neil for everything he does (totally undeserved), he spends 60% of his time plotting my death by alpaca stampede (totally deserved).

My pick: Naturally, we’ll tie our series matchup 1-1, and will have to revisit next year.

Bryan Gunst vs. Eric Creasman- Call it “The Matrix Revolution” as these two Neos* fight for the honor of least inept of the last place finishers. This is also a battle of SigEp giants, a former Regional Director up against the current Alumni Volunteer Corporation President. Can I propose the loser gets paddled?

My Pick: Tied 1-1

Noord Noordhoff vs. Ricky May- These two owners are blood thirsty and already have a wager on the season: whoever finishes higher at the end of the year buys the other dinner, a drink, tickets for a romantic comedy and, if they play their cards right, a good night kiss at the door (no tongue. OK, maybe a little tongue. Actually, probably a lot of tongue. Ew).

My Pick: Ricky over Noord 2-0 (sorry Noordy)

Jimmy Hostetler vs. Sam Persons- Dubbed “The War of Northern Aggression”, this Big/Little combination will slug it out in what has been called “the lowest scoring matchup I’ve ever seen” and “wow, these teams suck”, not to mention “I don’t really have a comment on Sam and Jimmy, you don’t have to mention me in the blog. Seriously, AJ, just be cool for once.”

My Pick: Sam over Jimmy 2-0**

*The Neo is the award for the owner who finishes in last place. He is subject to a number of undesirable responsibilities and humiliation.

**These predictions made before the draft, so it’s really a shot in the dark. Except for when I’m accurate, then it’s because I’m a genius.

The League

Without further ado, allow me to reintroduce the 9 most fearsome men in Fantasy Football! (and Neil- had to get one last dig in.)

All quotes are from the owner’s themselves, all bracketed comments and keeper situations are from me.

Noord Noordhoff

Team Name: RGSPE

Important Skills: My emphysema laugh and ping pong skills.

Movie Title that best describes the upcoming fantasy season: Magic Mike (only if I draft Mike Wallace) [And probably even if he doesn't. This guy loves Channing Tatum.]

If you were an NFL player, what would you get arrested for?: Drunk in public, public urination

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word: Moneyball

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Jimmy 

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: Me (don't stop believing) #hehateme

Keeper Situation: Grim. Very grim. (Eli Manning in the 10^th, and, maybe, Mike Bush in the 9^th)

My Take: We all love Noord’s confidence and optimism, and, to be honest, the results have backed him up. He’s one of two teams to have made the playoffs in consecutive years and has an overall winning record. I hate to say it, but I think he’ll find a way to get it done this year and remain in contention. I think his fantasy team feeds off his swagger. You know, if a big guy with a shaved head and laugh that sounds like a blown gasket can have swagger.

Neil (Ralph) Morrissette

Team Name: Wreck-It Ralph

Explanation of Team Name: www.wreckitralph.com

Important Skills: Bacon Eating Champion

How you're going to win the league this year: By not trading my starting RB's [LOLOLOLOL! YEA! RIGHT!]

Favorite NFL Player: Michael Crabtree

Least Favorite NFL Player: Michael Crabtree

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Jimmy and Noord. Neo Bowl

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: Me!

Additional Comments: Bet on Bookie Ralph's 2012 Lines! Thank you very much.

Keeper Situation: Things have to go right. (Ryan Matthews in 6^th, Ben Tate in 11^th)

My Take: I like Ryan Matthews in the 6th, he's got the highest upside of any running back this year, and, if Arian Foster's hamstring acts up we know Tate is a legit producer. Then again, Matthews has never played a full season and Tate is a backup who broke his ankle in 2010. I think we’ll see a slightly more conservative game plan from Neil this year with a few calculated risks. He has strong opinions on a few players, and it’s going to come down to whether he nails those or not. Long story short, 7-7, no playoffs, blah blah blah.

Ricky May

Team name: No Blaine, No Gain

Explanation of Team Name:  Blaine Gabbert is the Jags QB’ so I figured I’d take a knock off of the old cliché “No Pain, No Gain” and go with “No Blaine, No Gain” [The analysis here is scintillating]

Favorite Personal Nickname:  Bones….unfortunately not so “Bones” anymore….good ole home cookin and occasional “drinks” will do that to a married man [What are "drinks" are those different from drinks? Are they "special" drinks? Don't answer this...]

Least Favorite Personal Nickname:  Boner…self explanatory 

Important Skills:  Fantasy football, throwing a football better than Jimmy Hostetler with a cast on each arm in pouring down rain, pretty much anything athletic or academic, convincing Noord he's horrendous at fantasy football, Madden,…[Wait, what?! Did he just say “pretty much anything athletic or academic”!? Well, my goodness! I didn’t know we were in the presence of such a high and mighty Lord of all sport and study! Shall we bow before you thine most gracious leader of leisure and learning?! We are not worthy! WE ARE NOT WORTHY!]

How you're going to win the league this year:  Sheer intimidation via Twitter and mass e-mailing. 

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word:  Volume

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year:  Noord – outside of our rivalry, I just think he’s had such over-performances the last two years. Karma is due to switch this year and flip him on his head.

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown:  Me of course…I’m due, simple as that.

Keeper Situation: Injury prone (Mike Vick in 14^th, Fred Jackson in 5^th)

My Take: Ricky texted me yesterday to tell me his wife (HIS WIFE!) said she could outdraft me. This was entirely unprovoked (lol, jk) and I’m not sure how the mother of a sweet, chubby cheeked baby could be so cruel.  Apparently giant ego runs in the family, except Katie can back it up. 

TJ Beuerle

Team name: [undecided] was TB2

Explanation of Team Name: TB2 is like RG3. Gonna change it though cause two other people went RG3 themed after I did. Pretty bitter about it. Probs going back to Moose Tracks. [Probs.]

Least Favorite Personal Nickname: Guy that lost to Moose in a vote but still got in the league

Important Skills: Making Neil feel like some of his ideas are good, being able to piss anyone off in like 5 minutes, not falling for Ricky's dumb trades, not Noord

Favorite NFL Player: Ryan Kerrigan (also have a man crush on Tom Brady)

Least Favorite NFL Player: Eli Manning

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Jimmy

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: Gunst is in great position with his keepers and draft spot, but question his ability to manage a team.

Keeper Situation: Strong. Very Strong. (Jimmy Graham in 14^th, Lesean McCoy in 2^nd)

My Take: I can beuarely spell this guy’s name ceuorrectly, let alone preuovide coherent fantasy analysiseus. What do you weuant from me? I’m just one meuan.

Eric Creasman

Team name: God.Bless.Day.Beers

Explanation of Team Name: Who doesn't like Day Beers??? They make everything better and I praise Him for giving them to me. [I, um…sigh.]

Favorite Personal Nickname: Tuck. Mike Martin (Matt's Dad) likes to compare some of my drinking binges with their family as a downhill skier just going along, going along and then hitting the 'tuck' position pointed straight downhill.

Important Skills: Hand to hand combat, negotiating, balling outrageous, drinking prowess (out drink out draft).

Favorite NFL Player: I've got Peyton man love, we all know this.

Least Favorite NFL Player: Everyone on my opponent's roster, [expletive]

If you were an NFL player, what would you get arrested for?: Ballin' outrageous, drunk and disorderly, public intoxication, making it rain

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Sam worries me, but his keepers and high draft SHOULD keep him out of the cellar. Gunst should also have the weapons to stay clear of the basement. I think Noord is due for a fall but... I think the kid brings. Ricky. DOWN! (I have no idea)

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: AJ is hard to bet against because he seems to find a way each year, luck or skill a W is a W. So...by default and lack of faith in much other consistency I say AJ.

Keeper Situation: A quantity of quality. His options are (Marshawn Lynch in 5^th, Drew Brees in 2^nd, Julio Jones in 5^th, Wes Welker in 3^rd, Peyton Manning in 6^th).

My Take: www.aa.org

My Real Take: I think we see another strong showing from Creas this year, if he chooses his keepers correctly. Banking on the wrong guys can ruin his draft, affect his strategy and leave his team compromised. I think he's already traded the rights to one of his keepers, which will be made official after the draft. In terms of fantasy management he might be making the smart moves early, mitigating risks and trying to take advantage of his excess of keepers and late round draft position. A forward thinking move from our resident geriatric, maybe I'll move him from 9th to 8th in my owner power rankings (heh heh).

Jimmy Hostetler

Team name: B-Button Spin Move

Explanation of Team Name: I've spent more money on video games than Neil makes in a year. It's only appropriate that I have a video game related team name

Important Skills: Consulting maps

How you're going to win the league this year: Hard work, determination, strong leadership, throwing farther than Ricky

Movie Title that best describes the upcoming fantasy season: The Princess Diaries

Favorite NFL Player: Not surprisingly and not for football stuff, but Rob Gronkowski currently [Yo soy fiesta!]. On the field, Brett Kiesel right now. Dude and his beard are out of this world.

Least Favorite NFL Player: Ed Reed, hands down. Guy looks homeless and plays like 6 games a year.

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word: Pray

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Neil just because of all the hype he's had around himself. 

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: TJB has some stout keepers from what I hear

Additional Comments: AJ enjoys the company of nude men [I, um…sigh]

Keeper Situation: Half-way excellent. (Rob Gronkowski in the 15^th, BenJarvus Green-Ellis in the 14^th)

My Take: Jimmy will unabashedly continue in normal form knowing more about NFL football than Fantasy football and being proud of it. Which is fine with me. Plus, anytime you can have a guy with four names on your team, you have to take it! I know its easy to bash Jimmy, but remember, he has two first round picks this year and Gronkowski. If Gronk does anything even close to last year, Jimmy will have a shot in almost all of his games. Can't count him out yet.

Austin Perry

Team name: Pledge Prez Perry

Favorite Personal Nickname: "DJ Garlic Sauce" "Ducal Champ" is nice too.

Least Favorite Personal Nickname: "Puke King"

Important Skills: Speed eating, finding late round studs, cell phone photography, and slow pitch softball

How you're going to win the league this year: Shonn Greene 2012

Favorite NFL Player: Chris Cooooooley: luscious locks, nude twit pics, pottery

Least Favorite NFL Player: Jason Witten, boring, looks like Boomhower, is a vegetarian (unconfirmed)

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word: Teabag

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Noord

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: BGunst

Keeper Situation: Solid. (Hakeem Nicks in 8^th, Jordy Nelson in 9^th)

My Take: Perry comes in with his WR core locked up and the 5th and 11th overall picks (oh, did I forget to mention we introduced draft pick trading this year?). He's in good shape to have four studs on his team by round two. The key will be who is quarterbacking his team and who he can fill in at RB. He and I have both proved you don't need elite RBs to win the league, but they sure do help. The big question is whether Perry can avoid drafting Marques Colston and Shonn Greene for the 3rd year in a row.

AJ McGraw

Team name: deSPEcable me

Explanation of Team Name: It’s a championship winning name, can’t change it.

Favorite Personal Nickname: Quickdraw

Least Favorite Personal Nickname: One-ball McGraw

Important Skills: Alliteration, Snark

How you're going to win the league this year: Same way I won it two years ago, relying on the poor performance of other teams.

Movie Title that best describes the upcoming fantasy season: There Will be Blood

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word: Swindle

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Noord

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: TJB

Keeper Status: Confident. (Matt Stafford in 6^th, DeMarco Murray in 15^th)

My Take: I love Stafford, but Murray scares me. His value is too good to pass up. If they can stay healthy, and I can get some supporting players around them I'm going to feel confident in my starting lineup. Unfortunately, your starting lineup usually doesn't win you fantasy titles. Your bench depth does. 

Bryan Gunst

Team name: WheelsGoNonStop

Explanation of Team Name: My nickname is Wheels because Richard Brammer knighted me so in myrtle beach. In one of the many glorious songs that were written during undergraduate winter breaks, one of my lines was "Wheels go non stop" and thus, my name was born.

Favorite Personal Nickname: Wheels or Gunssssssss

Least Favorite Personal Nickname: This is a trick question so you and everyone in the league calls us this all year. I don't know. I guess Melissa's Brother. [It took us 9 people to finally figure this out. Atta boy, MelBro!]

Movie Title that best describes the upcoming fantasy season: We Bought A Zoo

Favorite NFL Player: London Fletcher

Least Favorite NFL Player: Albert Haynesworth, or anyone on the Patriots

If you were an NFL player, what would you get arrested for?: Breaking and entering into the Hidden Valley Ranch Factory

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: Noord (based on keepers and lack of draft shenanigans to make up for them)

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: Me. If you don't think you're going to win it all than why are you playing?

Additional Comments: Is the draft BYOR or will ranch be provided free of cost?

Keeper Status: Solid, like a well crafted turd. (Arian Foster in 3^rd, AJ Green in 8^th)

My Take: I’ll have to check, but I think Bdubs will be providing ranch for $.50.MelBro is looking at starting the year with Aaron Rodgers, AJ Green and Arian Foster. Arguably two first overall picks in his lineup, you gotta love that talent. Unfortunately, Foster's obvious (and necessary) handcuff is tied up on Neil's team so if Foster goes down, so could this team.

Sam Persons

Team name: Need for SPEed

Explanation of Team Name: Need for SPEed? Somewhat self explanatory. I called upon the powerful 80's classic film Top Gun and did like everyone else and capitalized our fraternity letters lol. Also, if I could make my avatar on Yahoo! a pic of me playing volleyball shirtless in aviator sunglasses and tight blue jeans I definitely would. Moreover, I'm willing to get paid for such a photograph.

Favorite Personal Nickname: Sammy. My childhood name. Only my closest friends and family call me this. (Side Note: there is also the AJ McGraw special "Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong")

Important Skills: The ability to not know whats happening in the league until a vote has already been taken and your vote doesn't count. (I need to get a smart phone....)

How you're going to win the league this year: In the words of Jimmy McGinty..."You gotta have heart!" and perhaps a little bit of luck. (Note: Jimmy McGinty was the head coach in The Replacements)

Movie Title that best describes the upcoming fantasy season: The Expendables! Lets not kid ourselves we're all aging, but that doesn't mean this season won't be filled with action, cheesy one liners and excellent pyrotechnic displays! [Sammy’s on the board!]

Favorite NFL Player: Darrell Green, hands down. Great football player, better person. Also, he likes tootsie rolls.

Your Fantasy Strategy in One Word: Pray [This is also Jimmy's exact strategy. LET THE WAR OF NORTHERN AGRESSION BEGIN!]

Most Likely to 'win' the Neo this year: After a great bounce back last season. Creasman falls to the bottom of the barrel to claim his 2nd Neo in 3 years.

Most Likely to win the Ducal Crown: I'm thinking there will be a surprise this year at the top. TJB makes a major push for the Crown.

Keeper Status: Very strong. (Cam Newton in 15^th, Victor Cruz in 14^th). OK, wildly strong.

My Take: Who wouldn't feel confident with a starting QB and WR2 coming to you in the last two rounds of the draft. Sam also cleverly acquired the 12th overall pick (from me) to go with his 3rd overall. At this point, in the second round he's looking at a team of Cam, Cruz, Welker, Ray Rice....that is a PPR scoring DREAM TEAM. Oh yea, I'm invoking the Dream Team label already. Muahahahaha, #sabotage.

Here’s the final count-

Votes for Neo: Noord leads with 5, Jimmy has 3. Are we looking at our Neo Bowl?

Votes for Champ: Tied between Gunst and TJB, with 3-apiece. Could these teams represent the Federales and Stonewallers in the title bout?

Pre-season is under way, and we draft August 25th....two and a half weeks from now. I couldn't be more excited. But, for now, I need to go look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am. 

Let the #DucalCrownChaos begin!

Ducal Crown 2012: A Year in Review

First of all, I want to congratulate Neil on winning the Ducal Crown Fantasy Football league in 2012!! Hm? Oh, Austin won? Then why is Neil orgasmically celebrating Austin’s victory on Twitter? Running nude through the streets with “Austin Perry 2012!” painted on his chest? Making paper mache footballs with and eating glue?

Who knows, he’s spent a lot of time on an alpaca farm.

In seriousness, a hearty congratulation goes to Austin Perry for winning the league this year. He defeated what can only be described as the fiercest and most adept of competitors (me) in a rigorous battle of will. By “will” I refer to my pleading sobs to Aaron Rodgers to ‘Stop it!’ as he threw touchdown after touchdown to Jordy Nelson Sunday night.

Alas, it seemed destiny for Austin to take the league this year. After losing star RB Darren McFadden to injury for the last half of the season and suffering early season injuries to Aaron Hernandez, Hakeem Nicks, and Marques Colston, it never seemed Perry’s team would be fully healthy. Nothing inspires confidence in a team like starting Shonn Green, LeGarrette Blount or Beanie Wells at RB. Then again, Aaron Rodgers covers a multitude of line-up sins.

And so it was that the “Pledge Prez Perry’s” took the title out of my feeble grasp, and so the trophy passes on to a worthy opponent.

Don’t worry though. I’ll get it back next year.

Shall we do end of year superlatives then?

1.  Austin Perry – The Champ

No need for anything clever here. Trust me; it never gets old forcing people to refer to you as “The Champ.” So enjoy it, Champ.

We often say winning in Fantasy Football is somewhere along the lines of 80% skill and 20% luck. Perhaps it’s 50/50. Austin winning, however, shows us some very interesting things about Fantasy Football.

1)      You don’t need to make a million trades or waiver wire transfers (that won’t stop me though). Austin made only a few small trades, nothing major, and largely stuck with the lineup he drafted, despite it having Marques Colston and Shonn Green in it….again.

2)      You don’t need stud RBs if you want to win a title, you just need a rock solid QB. The starting RBs in the championship game were: (for Austin) Shonn Green and LeGarrette Blount, who combined for something like 10 points; (for me) Darren Sproles and Willis McGahee (who combined for somewhere around 22 points. How did I lose this again?!

3)      What really helps is having elite QB’s favorite targets as your WRs. Perry started Hakeem Nicks, Marques Colston and Jordy Nelson (Eli’s, Brees’, Rodgers’ favorite targets). I started Calvin Johnson, Demaryius Thomas, and Antonio Brown (oh yea, that’s how I lost this week). I lost Greg Jennings to injury, Big Ben didn’t play and thus couldn’t throw to Brown, and Demaryius Thomas….crap.

So maybe that’s the strategy to follow. Or maybe that’s just that worked this year. We’ll have all offseason to speculate and mock draft and try to discover sleepers, but until this time next year…let the Champ reign.

2. AJ McGraw – Most Likely to Have a Lot Less To Say Next Year

Ya know, cause I got stomped in the finals. At the end of the year my bench looked like this: Matt Ryan (backup QB), Kevin Smith (a good start, but hurt most the year), Donald Driver (picked up because Jennings was out), Greg Jennings (out for regular season), DeMarco Murry (IR), Jamaal Charles (IR, keeper potential).

That’s three players on my bench who were out for the remainder of the regular season or beyond. One backup quarterback (just in case), an injured RB and a 36 year old WR.

Things get desperate at the end of the year, hence Demaryius Thomas starting for me in the title bout. No matter though. My twitter handle may be a bit shorter these days, but the fighting spirit lives on. I now have the meaningless honor of saying I’ve been to back-to-back title games. But we’ll talk more about meaningless honors later.

3. Eric Creasman – Best In Show

Kudos to a guy for playing FF the way it should be: losing to me in the playoffs. TAKE A NOTE AUSTIN!!

He went from worst-to-first this year (regular season), and rode good draft picks (Brees, Welker) and good trades (acquiring Mendy, Ray Rice, and Marshawn Lynch) to a 10-4 record, and a spot a top the league, before suffering the unrelenting torture of Matt Stafford throwing to Calvin Johnson.

In case anyone needed a reminder, in our playoff matchup Stafford and CJ combined for 80 points.

After posting 173 points the following week, Creasy should be cutting his (or my) wrists, had he got past me no team would have stopped him in the finals. Instead, in the spirit of good competition, he bought me a funny t-shirt, made his gripes on Twitter, and got over it fairly quickly (doubtful, I think he’s still griping, but who wouldn’t?).

4. Matt Noordhoff – Most Likely to Think Everyone Hates His Team, Him Personally, and His Family

Kudos for a stellar run from everyone’s least favorite team on paper to a rock solid playoff team. I’ve given him credit before on the moves he made to get himself into playoff contention, so let’s turn our focus to the created hate Noord brings on himself.

First, I deserve a fair amount of blame. I lived with Noord for two years, ate about 1,300 meals with him during college, and know how he works. So, for example, let’s say I’m at work and need a distraction but know that no one is on Twitter. I’ll send out a tweet like, “How pissed is @mattnoordhoff gonna be when he loses this week?”

All you have to do is wait a few minutes and then….. “clearly you haven’t looked at my matchups this week #boy. You aren’t even close to me in points either. #enjoy4thplace”

In his defense, I think he meant “I’ll be enjoying 4^th place while you go on to the championship game….again, sir.”

Point being, we know the man’s buttons, and deep down we all love when someone is the villain. We poked and prodded Neil when his team was dominating, then we fought with Ricky when he was on top of the league. Once those two Fantasy Failures dropped out of the playoff race we were happy to have Noord available to deliver the trash talk.

It’s why we play Fantasy Football in the first place, isn’t it?

5. Neil Morrissette – Most Likely to Resume the Role of the League’s Little Brother, aka #PhillyNeil, aka League Villain

Oh #PhillyNeil, how we’ll miss you. Last year we watched Ricky trade his way out of the championship game, and this year we saw Neil give away stud players for guys who joined his team and immediately injured themselves (Ryan Matthews, Matt Forte, Cedric Benson, Desean Jackson….I consider him as having a permanent mental injury).  To note, he gave away Lesean McCoy, Mike Vick, Rob Gronkowski, Matt Stafford and Darren Sproles. Ouch. Let’s change subjects.

I suppose his unquenchable thirst for praising Austin comes from a deep Fantasy kinship they share. You see, Neil beat me early in the season on the back of his Kicker and Defense combining  for 40 points. In the title matchup, Austin’s kicker posted 16 points and his defense posted 17.  In my defense, Dallas kicker Dan Bailey netted me an impressive 1 point.

I hate Dallas.

I look forward to next year’s draft when Neil’s insatiable desire to talk up his team irrationally comes back. Secretly I’m hoping he keeps Tebow. Why shouldn’t the most polarizing player in our league have one of the most polarizing players in the NFL?

It’d make me hate on Neil less. Probably.

No. It wouldn’t.

6. Ricky May – Most Likely to Disappear after the Trade Deadline Passes

That silence you heard after November 18^th was all of our cell phones going quiet. We stopped receiving 15 text messages a day from Ricky proposing every possible trade conjurable.

In fact, the only tweets Ricky had to offer during the playoffs had to do with the championship game… that he was playing in…in his work league.

To be honest, our league wouldn’t be the same without a guy like Ricky. Sure the constant trade offers get annoying, but he also feeds all of our desires to make trades and keeps the league interesting. And, let’s be honest, who among us didn’t get a little feeling of satisfaction when on the trade deadline Ricky made moves to acquire Fred Jackson, Mike Vick and Adrian Peterson? All of whom missed all, or most, of the games the rest of the season. It was like karma.

7. Jimmy Hostetler – Most Likely to have the most Bi-curious Bi-Polar Team

Either everyone on his team scores, or no one on his team scores. On paper your matchup against him looks good. Starting RBs? Jon Stewart, Mike Tolbert, James Starks, or some combination of the like. Big Ben at QB, and his only real threat is Gronkowski at TE. If you don’t pay close attention you’ll miss his guys scoring TDs and piling up yardage in meaningless NFL games. Next thing you know you’re down 15 with no players left.

Or, his team lays a massive turd of an egg and you roll on him without losing a second of sleep.

What we do know, is trading Cedric Benson and some change for Rob Gronkowski was the move of the year (once again, at Neil’s hand).

8. TJB – Most Likely to Win the League Next Year

You know, if you don’t believe in karma. Owner of one of the top five teams in the league, he missed the playoffs then lost two consolation games to secure (as of now) a top three pick. He has two of the best keeper options (Lesean McCoy in the 2^nd, and Jimmy Graham in the 14^th) and a top 3 pick, meaning Aaron Rodgers, Ray Rice, and someone like Matt Forte will likely end up on his roster.

Assuming those guys stay healthy that’s a fearsome core to build around. Then again, TJB spent most of this year in the 20% Luck category. 100% of it being bad. Seriously, how does a team with Brady, McCoy, Turner, Miles/Laurant Robinson, Holmes, Graham, etc etc miss the playoffs and then lose both games in the consolation round?!

Either he’s had really bad luck, or sneakily good luck. He’s in great position heading into next year’s draft.

9. Sam Persons – Most Likely Read this Four Days After I Post It

It’s not that Sam isn’t around much, it’s that we don’t really know where Sam ever. Perhaps the other 9 of us are too consumed with FF. I dunno though, I don’t see anything wrong with spending an entire day looking at your Ducal Crown Twitter Feed waiting for someone to talk Fantasy with you. It’s one of my few joys in life.

Ultimately, Sam was the beneficiary of an incredibly tight league. Heading into the last few weeks he was still in playoff contention if the games went his way. They didn’t, and he ended up with the second pick in the draft next year.

So you’re telling me I can be in the playoff hunt up until the end of the season, then if I miss the playoffs I have just as good a chance at getting a top 3 pick?

I love this league.

10. Bryan Gunst – Most Likely to Have More Pushups than Fantasy Points Counted this Year

It’s just the facts people, I don’t make the rules.

Gunst has a few good things going for him next year: the rights to Andrew Luck Aaron Rodgers, AJ Green in the 8^th and Arian Foster in the 3^rd. Quite a nice starting lineup with his second round pick available to fill a spot. Not a bad start to your season if you ask me.

We’ll see if our favorite RD can turn his luck around and go from worst-to-first like our resident grandfather, Creasman. If he can do it, anyone can.

Just goes to show, there’s always something to look forward to next year.

Week 12 Rankings, Playoff Predictions, and more!

There’s too much going on to waste time on a long, overdone intro. This league is tighter than Noord in a schmedium t-shirt and with two weeks to play in the regular season eight teams have a legitimate shot at making the playoffs.

Four teams are tied with records of 7-5, three teams tied at 6-6. Creasman sits alone, on top, at 8-4 with a rock solid lead on points scored. So that’s where we’ll start…

1. Creasman (8-4)

Points Scored: 1,502.26

With a huge (and apparently really easy) win over Neil last night, Creasman jumps to the top of the league and holds an enormous one game lead over the four of us in second place. Riding Drew Brees’ 5 TD performance last night, Eric also gets the giant benefit of having an +80 point differential over the second highest league scorer (Ricky: 1,424.98).

What does that mean? Creas is a lock for the playoffs. In this league, 9-5 gets you a playoff spot and 8-6 gets you into the tie-breaker (total points scored). With an 80 point lead and two games left to play, Creasman will walk into the playoffs even if he loses his next two (at Noord, and home to Sam).

In a surprising move, Eric went counter-culture and decided not to throw his season intentionally like his hometown favorite Colts. Who are, and I repeat, throwing their season intentionally by trotting out Painter, Orvlosky, and company. Intentionally. Throwing. Their. Season. Scoundrels! All of them!

Also worth noting, this continues the streak of “Only Writing Blogs when Creasman is at the Top of the League”. I’m inconsistent…like Vincent Jackson. And Desean Jackson…and Mike Vick…and Anquan Boldin….and Fred Davis.

Speaking of all of those guys:

2. Ricky (7-5)

Points Scored: 1,424.98

After losing two (read, TWO!) starting RBs, Fred Jackson and Adrian Peterson, last week to injury we figured Ricky was dead in the water. But, in the ultimate show of Brotherly Love, our dedicated Regional Director for Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity, Inc. offered Ricky the opportunity to go ahead and win this week despite starting Toby Gerhart and CJ Spiller at RB. Thanks Bryan! You're a pal! 

Added in was an injury to Mike Vick, that kept him out for the second straight week, and the only logical starting QB for Ricky was Vince Young. Let me remind you that he won this week. AND SCORED MORE POINTS THAN MY TEAM! With Vince Young! Absolutely, un-real.

Never count Ricky out. He always hangs around. Like a parasite. A parasite with a really cute son.

3. Perry (7-5)

Points Scored: 1,417.36

Has his karma finally run out? After squeaking out win after win after win, Perry has dropped two huge games in a row. With tough matchups against TJB and Ricky in the next two weeks its possible he finishes 7-7. It’s also very possible Aaron Rodgers takes him to 9-5. Rodgers...so dreamy.

More pressing, however, was Perry losing Darren McFadden and not handcuffing him to Michael Bush. That was a crucial mistake this season and may well cost him the playoffs. Instead of Perry continuing to dominate the league, we've been forced to watch Noord climb the rankings riding the incredible production of Mike Bush in DMC’s absence. I’m proposing that if Noord wins the league 15% of his winnings should go to Perry for this egregious lapse in judgment.

4. Noord (7-5)

Points Scored: 1,396.30

He had no help from his WRs this week (Dez and Mike Wallace combined for 7.7 points), but he’s been riding a wave of RB production that makes Ricky salivate. With MJD producing like MJD in 2009, and Mike Bush producing like…well…Darren McFadden, and CJ2K’s random appearances as a competent running back, Noord’s team is capable of scoring in bunches.

What happens when DMC returns and CJ2k goes back to CJ0k?  I assume Dez and Wallace combine for 40 that week. It’s a dangerous team, folks. Watch out.

Even though his rapid ascension was slowed momentarily by that scrappy Sam Persons team, he’s still a favorite to make the playoffs in my book.

Keep an eye out for the huge matchup between Noord and Creasman this week. It can take them both to 8-5, or allow Creasman to clinch a playoff spot at 9-4 with one game to play (vs. Sam).

How exciting is this league?!?! And we’re only at the 4^th ranked team?!

5. AJ (7-5)

Points Scored: 1,381.50

I’ve been squeaking out wins over teams during their bad weeks. I have two must-win games coming up (let’s be honest though, what game isn’t must-win at this point?) against Ricky and Neil. I have to win those two if I want to get into the playoffs because trying to win a tiebreaker at 8-6 won’t work. I’m currently 7^th in the league in Points Scored. 7^th….out of 10.

I’m telling you, I’ve been sneezing my way through these wins. I haven’t had a dominate win for a couple of weeks. I need my guys to get back on track! With Stafford’s finger in a splint, Calvin hasn’t been producing (which means Stafford’s been mediocre too). Jennings is coming off injury, Finley is lost in the assortment of passing options Rodgers has, Sproles’ production has dropped off and I’m fighting week by week on whether to start Antonio Brown or Willis McGahee in my flex spot. DeMarco Murray has been a bright spot for me though. So there’s one. Out of seven.

6. TJB (6-6)

Points Scored: 1,420.56

So the guy with a .500 record who is in 6^th place is 3^rd in the league in points scored and only 4 points behind the guy in second (Ricky). He’s been steadily climbing since he started 1-5 and couldn’t buy a win (I’m sure it’s because he wasn’t allowed keepers), and I honestly think he’s going to make the playoffs. If he can beat Perry (who’s been sliding) and Jimmy (who's up and down) he’ll win the Points Scored tiebreaker and get in at 8-6.

Then again, he’s been unlucky all season so it’d be fitting if he crushed Perry and then got decimated by Jimmy. He’s the New York Giants of the Fantasy League: always seemingly a contender at the end, but a mess during the beginning, middle, and the first part of the end.

7. Sam (6-6)

Points Scored: 1,388.20

For some reason we’ve all doubted Sam this entire season. All attention has been given to TJB for having an unlucky season but look at these point totals from Sam:

108, 118, 98, 110, 128, 105, 121, 133, 119, 73, 129, 140

That only got him six wins?!

He’s only had two weeks below 100 points, and seven above 118. I’ve given credit to his sneakily good backwards trades, but he’s built a solid all-around team and stuck with it. Victor Cruz has been a tremendous surprise for him after losing Andre for most of the season. Baltimore’s Defense has come through for him in a big way multiple times, Brandon Lloyd wasn’t a one-year wonder like we all thought, Cam is the real deal (in Fantasy value, not NFL Wins-value), Gore has exceeded expectations and Cedric Benson has even added value in recent weeks.

Am I bitter that my team is better on paper, has more wins, yet fewer total points, and a worse shot to make the playoffs than Sam’s team? Only a little bit. With wins over Jimmy and Creasman, he could slide into the playoffs at 8-6 on his point total (again, which is higher than mine).

8. Jimmy (6-6)

Points Scored: 1,283.90

Our final playoff contender. Jimmy’s lackluster point total will likely keep him out of the playoffs, but he’s got a team that can surprise you any week. Just like this one when he trumped Austin 120-103. You really never know what you’re getting with Jimmy’s team, which makes him dangerous. With games against Sam and TJB he’s more likely to keep someone out of the playoffs than he is to make it himself. But anything, literally ANYTHING, is possible in this league.

9. Neil (5-7)

Points Scored: 1,375.78

That was satisfying to write. A ninth place fall from grace from Philly Neil? It’s incredible really, but almost entirely self-inflicted. Giving up Vick and McCoy for Forte, Ryan Matthews, and Desean Jackson just doesn’t seem right in retrospect. But things happen in Fantasy Football. His QB production has been mediocre all year, his WR production has been severely limited, and his RBs just haven’t been consistent.

At some point he’s had all these players start for him: Mike Vick, Tim Tebow, Roddy White, Larry Fitzgerald, Steven Jackson, Matt Forte, Lesean McCoy, Ryan Matthews, Rob Gronkowski, Jason Witten, Desean Jackson, and Sebastian Janikowski.

That team should be putting up 160 points a week, right?

All that's left is trying to convince Gunst to pass up on Aaron Rodgers next year.

10. Gunst (1-11)

Points Scored (not that it matters): 1,233.76

Aaron Rodgers! Arian Foster! AJ Green! Not bad to start your season with those guys drafted in rounds 1, 3, and 8 respectively.  Or you could go Peterson/Foster. Or Rice/Foster.  Megatron/Foster (don’t take Calvin from me!) The possibilities are limitless!

I guess what I’m saying is…it’s never too early to start developing your draft strategy for next year.

I give credit to the guy for never giving up, playing for pride and making a good trade right before the deadline to fill out his starters. And hey, if Creasy can go worst-to-first, so can you. Next year.

Modified Playoff Predictions:

1. Creasman

2. Noord

3. Austin

4. TJB