Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Ducal Crown Owner Power Rankings (Part II)

[Editor's Note: We resume where we left off last week ranking the owner's of the Ducal Crown Fantasy Football league based on composite rankings from all the owner's in the league measuring their skill as fantasy football managers. Neil Morrissette guest writes these posts, all complaints can be directed to him @neilmorrissette.]


Comments will now feature "Why this player should be higher" and "Why they should be ranked here".

6) TJ Beuerle (@DucalBurly)
10th Place Votes - 1
Average Ranking - 6.5
Best Comment: “TJ has been known to party like he’s still in 1990 at Ducal Crown functions, but stays dry when it counts.” (Expect so much more on this in the Ducal Crown Manifesto.)

The newest member of the league, “TJ is still wet around the pants.” Many of the members seem undecided on where to rank him due to the leagues unfamiliarity with him, and an up and down first year (0-5 start, 7-2 finish).

Why TJ should be higher:

- “TJ doesn’t take nothing from nobody” (Then how does he get anything?)
- “Has the advantage of only playing in the league for one year, so his strategy can change and surprise people.
- ”Smartly acquired assets in a losing season to be in a great position this season.” (McCoy late 2nd rd keeper, Jimmy Graham in the 15th!)
- “TJ at 8.” (This is the world-class analysis we seek from our fantasy league.)

Why TJ should be here:
- “Need to see repeated results over more than one year to rank higher.”
- “I think he could be higher but needs to prove it first.”
- “Bottom half of the league when it comes to football knowledge.”

- "We was, 'disoriented', during the Winter Meeting. You can count on us feeding him drinks at the draft and saying, "I'm telling you, Keyshawn Johnson is on the Cowboys now! He's starting!"

TJ is ranked here mainly because he has played one season in the Ducal Crown, but I think it fits well. He was quite unlucky starting the season 0-5 last year, but rebounded to finish 7-7. Can you rank him above guys that have made the playoffs before?  “He’s my sleeper to jump 2-3 spots in the rankings after another year in the league.”  (Mine too. I found the comments surprisingly weak about TJ. He is a douche. Talk more shit next time. Thanks.) [Editor's Note: Touche.]


Now, our four last place finalists. The guys who make playoff runs possible and dreams come true. The comments were here were (as you can assume) less than positive. So I took the liberty of manipulating some quotes to give these guys hope for the future.


7) Eric Creasman (@DucalCreas)
10th Place Votes - 0
Average Ranking - 6.7
Best Comment: “I trust his fantasy judgement but doubt he will be hoisting the Ducal Crown any time soon.”

"Creasman went from worst to first in regular season play" It truly was amazing last year, when Eric made his run behind Drew Brees arm and Ray Rice's legs. There wasn't a single person who wasn't rooting for him in the playoffs (Mainly so AJ and Noord wouldn't win).

Remember when Megatron and Stafford combined for 80 points in the first round of the playoffs last year and AJ decimated Creasy's hopes of a run at the title? That has to be the greatest fantasy playoff appearance of all time. "OF ALL TIME!" - Kayne West. #Boy got smacked. Oh whoops, I forgot to put [Editor's Note] at the start of this paragraph. I'm new at this.

Why Creas should be higher:
- "A very realistic and witty member of the league, loves the use of #boy more than Neil loves wearing al paca boxer briefs." (So comfortable though.)
- "He made it far last year despite being the Neo the year before." (Everyone does realize prior years results have no effect on future play? Brand new team, and the worse you do, the higher first round pick. Last year, his was Adrian Peterson.)
- "Should have won last year, but I'm pretty sure he is drunk 24/7" (I view this as a positive thing) [Editor's Note: STAFFORD TO MEGATRON AGAIN!!! THEY'RE UNSTOPPABLE!!!]
- "Made the playoffs, think he is on the rise."

Why Creas should be here:
- "If you have a Neo you've got to be close to the bottom."
- "Probably doesn't deserve to be this low...but he owns a Neo."
- "I see him having the biggest fall this year."

A "Beautiful example of how fast the tables turn in fantasy football” I predict the trend continues. Back to the Neo Bowl for Eric.

8) Bryan Gunst (@DucalBG)
10th Place Votes - 3
Average Ranking - 7.5
Best Comment: “See the people below him. He kind of defaults to this spot.”

Why Bryan should be higher:
- "I give him a slight pass for last year and being on the road."
- "The Foster pick two years ago is looking very good"

 - "[The Neo] is much like a D.C. sports team, with expectations so low he is bound to overachieve."
- "Keepers lead the way

Why Bryan should be here:

- "The Neo must wear his crown with (dis)honor"
- "Poor trades last year showed lack of foresight and poor player evaluation."
- "You've had Foster on your team for three years now...why are you so bad?!"
- "You'd have to pour ranch on the waiver wire to get Bryan to notice good pick ups."

I will let a member comment sum up the Neo's future season: "Dude is set to be STACKED this year. Two great keepers (Foster in 2, AJ Green in 8) and the #1 pick...could kill it this year, or...blow it in a big way? I hope he does a more solid job this year, for his manhood's sake."

9) Jimmy Hostetler (@DucalJDean)
10th Place Votes - 1
Average Ranking - 7.7
Best Comment: “Jimmy is salivating this year for some postseason action.” (Or for sausage. Either works fine.)

Good old “Jiffany.” This name was used by multiple members in the comments section. Why this hasn’t stuck yet I do not know... [Editor's Note: On it.]

Why Jimmy should be higher:

 - “You must applaud him for consistency” (7-7 two straight years.) (No applause.) [Editor's Note: Same exact win percentage as Neil over that time span (8-6, then 6-8). They're both .500 teams, but Neil is in the top five?]
 - “Result of misapplied knowledge rather than lack of knowledge.”

Sadly, those are the only 2 positive comments I could finagle out of three-quarters of a page of notes on Jimmy. What I do have are other reasons Jimmy should be called Jiffany:

 - “Jimmy has the advantage of having his fiance as an outside consultant who has quietly been spying on the league for years.”
 - “Think his fiance runs his team to be honest.”
 - “Needs to just let Tiffany come draft for him. Actually, why does Tiffany still come to our drafts?”
 - “If they were ranked as a team they would be ranked a few spots higher.”
 - “All the right tools, but hasn’t used them in recent years.” (I’m assuming that meant Tiffany’s advice?)

Why Jimmy should be here:

 - “Consistent non-factor.”
 - “Jimmy Dean talks about himself in the third person.” (Neil thinks it is normal.) [Editors Note: AJ thinks it is normal as well.]
 - “I feel like each year Jimmy is the team I am most comfortable playing.”
 - “I am rarely scared of his talent, seems to settle on sub-par QB’s each year.” (Roethlisberger....apparently the correct spelling for that was in Word, amazing work Microsoft.)
 - “He will suck your D.” (/ST, you know, Team Defense)

We can all agree Jimmy doesn’t deserve to be here...but Jiffany does. Some advice from your league mate, “I think this year will be big if he can take Brady and draft well late.” (No shit, Sherlock.) 

[Editor's Note: Foul! Draft tampering! Someone alert the Olympic officials! I smell doping!]

10) Sam Persons (@DucalSPE)
10th Place Votes - I lost count...we’ll guess around 37.
Average Ranking - 9
Best Comment: “We’ve seen increased interest this offseason, so this ranking may improve; but the league is competitive and catching up won’t ever get you ahead.”

The good news: Sam has not been the Neo. With this ranking you wouldn’t believe it. Let’s see what the league thinks, and if Sam should be at the bottom, all by himself. (By a wide margin.)

Why Sam should be higher:

 - “Sam has assembled great assets for this upcoming season.” (Cruz and Newon, 14th, 15th rd respectively)
- “Finishing school and being in a full time job will get him back into paying attention and winning."
  - “Once he stops drafting Redskins and Antonio Gates in the 3rd round, he may have a realistic starting lineup."
“I'd be lying if I said Cam and Cruz didn't scare me."

Why Sam should be here:

 - “Sam will have at least one Redskins player on his team at all times." (Always a bad thing)
 - “Trading for an injured WR while you’re team is already bad will put you in the bottom two real fast.” (Sam traded a healthy Andre Johnson for Phillip Rivers, then two weeks later traded Phillip Rivers for an injured Andre Johnson)
 - “No idea, but I have very little confidence in his fantasy play.”
 - “He is very erratic and confusing.”
 - “Needs to prepare a little more before I boost him in my rankings.”
 - “Hasn’t been engaged enough during the offseason to be considered a top fantasy owner.”
 - “Sam will trust his team to pull out wins, hit the inevitable losing streak, and be down for the count again this year.”

Sam has had two seasons in the Ducal Crown, and two losing seasons. He has the second worst lifetime win percentage. He didn’t score many points last year, and had a lot of points scored on him. I think the motto here is don’t draft Redskins and you should be just fine. That's not me talking, that's Redskin fans everywhere talking. [Editor's Note: sigh.]


Thank you to everyone for reading the Inaugural 2012 Ducal Crown Power Rankings. All power rankings spreadsheets can be found in the new 3rd tab of the ‘Ducal Crown History Book.’ Draft day is August 25th in Richmond, VA; the preseason Power Rankings analyzing those rosters will be released shortly there after. I hope this has given each and every member of the league something to think about, work on, and bitch about on twitter. Are you ready for some football?

[Editor's Note: Yes.]

No comments:

Post a Comment