3 Things: Gilbert, NHL, and DC Fans

I understand that I'm about as multi-dimensional as Flat Stanley. I write about football or fantasy football. Occasionally I'll mention a TV show no one is watching. So I'm gonna make like a well structured portfolio and diversify myself.

There are three things I'd like to bring to the table this morning. Number one is actually number zero. Rather, Agent Zero.

Agent Zero- Gilbert Arenas, or, as you know him, that homeless bearded guy who points guns at everyone, is struggling to stay out of the media's harsh and imposing glare. Arenas gets a bad rap. In fact, a terrible rap. And rightfully so. He lacks what we call "common sense". He goes about each day like one of us would. We make jokes with our friends, we do stupid stuff, we make ridiculous claims and its all good because nobody actually cares what we do on a daily basis.

Gil, however, fails to understand that every action he takes has an incredible impact because he represents a professional basketball team, a major sports city and himself. When he was in trouble for bringing guns into the locker room, he clearly failed to see what the issue was. The locker room is his place of work. I don't get to bring a glock into my office and keep it in my desk. I keep it taped to the bottom of my chair. Duh. No, just kidding. I'm not a self-involved nincompoop.

When Gil says something like, "I lost all feeling a long time ago. Basketball is basketball..." or when his press day photos through the years look like this, or even better, like this, you have to wonder what is going on with this guy and why he is so far out of touch with reality. I bet he still thinks Pluto is a planet.

He even said he wants to help John Wall get ready to take over the team so he (Gil) can move on. Has anyone wanted to be a part of anything less, ever? Maybe Dwayne Johnson when he filmed The Tooth Fairy.

Now Gil is faking injuries to help teammates get more playing time. By the way, I think this is a great gesture, but a moronic move! You are a professional athlete. Being paid millions of dollars to play basketball. You don't get to call in sick. Each day I worry more and more that Gilbert will show up with a Dennis Rodman hair-do and start thanking his therapist for helping him win a championship.

Number 2.

The NHL- I am happy to admit right now that I am a casual Washington Capitals fan. They are my team in hockey, and I will root for them relentlessly, but I will not know every player on the team. In fact, outside of the Capitals I don't claim to know a ton about hockey. But here is what I do know.

There are two great players in hockey (a generalization, but go with it). The first is Capital's All-Star Alexander Ovechkin, the Russian monster who everyone claims is the best player in the league. The second is the ugly hamster looking Canuck, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Two things you need to know:
1) There is a rivalry between the Penguins and the Capitals due to many years of facing each other in the playoffs.
2) Crosby has a Stanley Cup. Ovechkin does not.
2a) The Stanley Cup is the trophy you win when you win the Super Bowl in hockey (just appealing to my reader's who don't know hockey).

The NHL is not a terribly mainstream sport in America, even though its popularity is growing. So, in order to help everybody understand the biggest rivalry between the biggest players in hockey I've come up with this comparison.

Alexander Ovechkin is LeBron James. Sidney Crosby is Kobe Bryant. This works because I hate Kobe, and I also think LeBron is ugly.

Ovie wins in the regular season. Last year the Capitals won the President's Trophy, the award given the team with the best regular season record. Ovie wins Hart Trophies, the award given the MVP of the league (he won it in 2008 and 2009). Ovie leads the league in scoring, and points, and all these hockey things I don't care to understand fully.

Ovie also flames out in the playoffs. He doesn't get it done, he doesn't perform. He's forced to carry his team.

You know who else won back-to-back MVPs and consistently wins the regular season? Who also can't win in the playoffs? LeBron James.

On the other hand, Crosby wins championships. Thats what he does. He wins in the clutch, he wins in the playoffs, he wins in the Olympics. He's a winner. He makes the players around him better. Like Kobe does. Crosby isn't glamorous, in fact he's quite disgusting, but he is efficient.

The only good thing about hockey is the players sign ridiculously long contracts. Ovie's is for something like 13 years. I don't think I have worry about him taking his talents to the Florida Panthers anytime soon.

Number 3.

DC/Metro Area Fans- I was once proud to be a member of this group. A heartily dedicated group who stuck through things think and thin. Always remembering the glory days of old.

Now? A bunch of wishy-washy, non-commital, pansies who don't know how to believe in anything. They live life with a constantly negative outlook and can never accept the good things around them.

The Redskins have beaten two division rivals and one of the top ranked teams in the NFC yet Skins fans want to complain about how we suck and it won't last. You know what? Who cares if it doesn't last!? Who cares if we don't win another game? Enjoy our 3-2 record, enjoy being at the top of the NFC East, and support your team.

Or I will make you spend a long weekend with Jim Zorn and Gilbert Arenas.

Winning the Lottery

I've heard it said many times that life is cyclical. I dunno if I believe that, but I know I've been hiding behind that excuse to justify whats been happening to Washington sport's teams in the past decade. It's uglier than a love child between Kramer and Costanza.

Last night, the NBA held its annual draft lottery. A system I love, by the way, because it facilitates the unknown as any of the bottom 14 teams has a shot at stealing the top draft pick. Let me walk you through the night.

As I said the bottom 14 teams in the league take part in the lottery, each sending a representative to accept the draft pick. They range from gimmicky (Danny Granger from the Indiana Pacers, with a 1% chance at getting the top pick, saying he was wearing a John Wall jersey under his suit) to sentimental (the late Abe Pollin's wife representing the Washington Wizards, slated to take the 5th pick in the draft based on draft percentages).

You spend the first 20 minutes watching terrible interviews and awkward questions, then someone reads out the draft order in reverse in the most uninspiring and dry way ever. Imagine a Senate hearing discussing standardized testing in schools-- I would have found that RIVETING compared to this.

However, the draft isn't dull the entire time. There is a brief moment of suspense when they announce the top three picks. This of course is ruined by the lack of emotion from any of the team representatives. Except for one little old lady.

Before I go on, we need to take a minute to acknowledge a great man. Abe Pollin had been the owner of the Washington Bullets/Wizards for 46 years. He totally transformed Chinatown after building the Verizon Center and contributed to the city in countless ways. He was a great example of a classic owner, a stand-up guy who did so much for the city and the sports teams here.

Seeing his widowed wife, Irene, represent him wearing his 1978 Championship ring on her frail little hand literally sent chills up my spine. If you understand the context you know how moving it was to see her stand next to these massive men representing the other teams and win the #1 pick in the draft. She stood with her mouth agape and the gargantuan Championship ring on her finger, mouthing "Oh my God!" Incredible.

It was almost like Abe Pollin was looking down over us. Which is bull turds cause he wasn't. But it makes for a nice sentiment. We all know the NBA lottery is rigged anyway.

So what does this mean for Washington? It means we can get an incredible building block for the future. It means we have the best chance to take the best player in the draft. It means we can finally make up for taking Kwame Brown with our last #1 pick in 2001. It means maybe, just maybe, we can get past this Gilbert Arenas drama and focus on basketball.

Maybe.

Common knowledge says to take John Wall, the point guard from Kentucky. He's explosive, lightening fast, handles the ball well and finishes at the rim. I've been on a National Player of the Year Evan Turner kick for the past 3 months or so, but I'm getting over that. I mean, he was the best player in college last year and Kobe thinks he's the best player in the draft.

Since when do I listen to anything Kobe says? That guy is a snake. Not a 'Black Mamba' snake, but a sneaky little devil snake. But wow is he good.

If you add Wall to the Wizards and start him and Arenas in the back court I think you've got something. Super athletic, super quick, small guards who can score, get to the rim and create opportunities for the rest of the team. They'll draw defenders away from the rim and open up our super star center JaVale McGee in the post.

Yikes...maybe the Wizards are further off than we thought.

Who knows though? Maybe John Wall is just the guy the Wizards need to attract some good free agents? No, not like Lebron and Dwayne Wade. But maybe Carlos Boozer, Rudy Gay or even Amare Stoudemire?

They definitely have the money if they wanted to. The Wizards have the 6th most cap space available to sign free agents this summer since trading away Antwan Jamison, Caron butler and Co.

Either way, it would appear that the cycle is turning in our favor. Maybe now it's Washington's time to regain its status as a dominant sports city. The Redskins seem to be on the rebound, the Caps have one of the best players in the league, and even the Nationals have pitching hopeful Stephen Strasburg working his way up through the minors.

It could finally be time for Washington to turn its reputation around and begin a new era of sports in D.C. Perhaps its our turn to be on the positive side of the cycle.

I mean, hey, everyone's gotta win the lottery sometime.