The hate has gone too far.
Look, I enjoy irrationally saying that Kobe Bryant might not be as good as Clyde Drexler, but only to get a rise out of my friends who are Lakers' fans. But I know that Kobe is the second best shooting guard after Jordan. I appreciate that The Decision polarized basketball fans and gave us a team, and a player, to root against. I love the rivalry and the passion and the excitement. But the hate has officially gone too far.
First of all, LeBron is not who we wanted him to be, and he will not be who we want him to be. If you hated him when he first came into the league and learned to appreciate his freakish ability later (me), or if you loved him when he first came out and now hate him because of The Decision (the rest of you), or if you've hated him forever because for some reason you think Kobe Bryant is a better role model (LA fans), regardless, LBJ is not who we want him to be.
He won't be Michael. No one will. Kobe won't, LBJ won't, Durant won't, Wade won't. LeBron was never going to be the next Michael. There are only new superstars. Name one current superstar who was an exact replication of a previous legend? It doesn't happen. There are only new superstars and no one will be like MJ. But according to my Twitter feed the last few nights, if a superstar isn't the next Jordan than his career is more disappointing than the smell of freshly laid mulch on a hot summer day.
Yes, LeBron has disappointed in the post-season in the past particularly in Cleveland where it was a one man show. Yes, he has disappointed in the fourth quarter of this series against Dallas.
But what about when he basically beat Chicago all by himself? The overall #1 seed in the NBA? With the reigning MVP on the court? What about scoring 11 straight points in the fourth quarter against them to clinch a win, and eventually the series?
I'm not trying to sympathize with LeBron.
I'm not trying to sympathize with LeBron.
I wrote it twice because if you really hate LBJ you skipped over the first line cause you think I'm a empty-headed, bandwagon chasing, superstar loving, no-morals deviant with questionable integrity.
In fact, I just think the hate has gone too far. Way too far. I'd submit that Game 5 was the only game the Heat needed LeBron to take over. They won Game 1, the entire team collapsed in Game 2, and they won Game 3 (On an assist from James to Bosh for the game winner. But that doesn't count cause LeBron didn't take the shot. Just like it didn't count when Jordan passed to Steve Kerr for the game winner...right?).
In Game 4 LBJ put on a tremendous disappearing act. We heard about it all week. In the spirit of this column I will attempt a meager defense. Not that James was tired, that's a weak excuse. Not that the team didn't need him, they did. I just think Dwayne Wade was the one taking over. And if you've ever played pick-up basketball you know when one guy is hot, you get him the ball. You don't also try to also take over. It messes up the flow, it impedes what is happening. LeBron was staying out of the way.
Is anyone buying that? I'm not totally buying that, but I think that played a part in it. When you have two superstars on a team the co-mingling of their talents becomes a problem. We saw it all season and we're starting to see it again now in this series. If Wade needs the ball every possession to stay hot, how can LeBron get in a rhythm? I know...that's not a great defense either...but I'm trying here!
I blame the loss not on LeBron's disappearance, but on coach Erik Spolestra for taking Wade out to give him rest he didn't need while he was firing on all cylinders. That's like nailing a job interview then farting while shaking hands.
Game 5 was a no-win situation for LeBron. His haters were out in full force, and the only way he could dissuade them was by a stat line the reads something like: 50 points, 15 rebounds, 12 assists, AND a game winner over Dirk Nowitzki, Gheorge Muersan, Shawn Bradley, Manute Bol, and the Statue of Liberty. And even then they'd say he hated America and was a sexist for scoring on Lady Liberty and not calling her after.
Otherwise anything else was going to be a disappointment. He could score 48 and if the Heat lost it'd be LeBron's fault. If he scored 20 points and they won his haters would shout "He had a terrible game!" Unfortunately, that's not an overstatement. I know it to be true because James had a triple double last night, one of the most difficult things to do in basketball, and I STILL heard that he had an awful game.
Was it James' fault? Or was it the Mavericks shooting 68% from the 3-point line? Was it James' not scoring 40 points that lost it for them? Or was it Jason Terry, Jason Kidd and Nowitzki coming up huge in the fourth quarter, at home, with all the momentum on their side that won the game for them?
Sure James only had 9 points in the first half, but the Heat had scored 57 points and were only down by 3. God forbid we make basketball a team sport.
OK, I've done enough.
Here's my point: The hate has gone too far with LeBron James, and you have to see how this series (and his career) play out before we place him among the Legends of the NBA.
To be clear: I'm rooting for the Dallas Mavericks in this series. They've earned this series the right way, building the team from within, having their superstar take his game to the next level in the playoffs, knocking off the reigning champs, and having a great coach make all the right adjustments. But all the ill-focused, irrational, and uneducated hatred towards LeBron makes me want to root for him just so all the haters will be put in their place.
I won't. But I just want you to realize the effect you're having on my sanity. Jerks.
Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NBA. Show all posts
Friday, June 10, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
A Bunch of Acronyms
My head is spinning. Not only were there enough great sporting events this weekend to drown the masses in uselessly over-analyzed sports commentary, but none of it had to with baseball! Oh my soul, rejoice!
On top of that, we had a rare sighting of a weekend's most joyous occasion: the Sunday afternoon menage-a-trois! Not the gross kind that will make you popular with guys who wear half-buttoned dress shirts, no undershirt and necklaces, the wonderful sports kind that keeps your trigger finger firing on the "Previous Channel" button on your TV remote.
I was so excited I was standing and flipping back and forth between the NBA Playoffs (Oklahoma City Thunder v. Memphis Grizzlies Game 7) and the final round of the PGA Tour's Player's Championship at TPC Sawgrass. It was me, the NBA Playoffs and the final round of a PGA Major. The three of us were in heaven.
Factor in the NHL Western Conference Finals starting that night and you could say it was the NBA in OKC, the NHL, and the PGA at TPC won by K.J. all watched by AJ in Northern VA!
So now you know why my head is spinning.
I'll give you a thought or two about each to keep things moving.
NBA Playoffs
First of all, much respect is due to the Memphis Grizzlies. Largely for being a team from the city of Memphis, named the Grizzlies, and still existing as a franchise in 2011. Shouldn't they have folded years ago? Are there two things people care less about than the city of Memphis and Grizzly Bears as a sport's mascot? It sounds like a little league team with players who have nicknames like Chubbs, Rinky-Dink and Freckles.
But as sure you know my morning coffee will get two Splenda and two hazelnut creamers (I like to get rid of as much of the coffee taste as possible), you had to know OKC was going to send Zach Randolph, his lethal jab-step jumper, and the Grizz home to a much deserved warm welcome in Memphis. Which is in, of course, Tennessee. Just an enormous basketball state, known for legends like...Bruce Pearl and a women's college basketball team.
Second thought- This Chicago/Miami series is going to be incredible. Don't discount the Heat because of the final score, they were in that game halfway through the 3rd quarter when the the wheels fell off. Chicago stole the momentum and everything, I mean everything, went their way. Luol Deng shot a three-pointer from the corner that hit every part of the rim, bounced out of the basket, took a left turn, made a three-quarters rotation and swan dove back through the hoop it had previously left. That won't happen four games in a row. I can't wait to watch the rest of this series.
Also, you may send me personal checks or cash for telling you that the Spurs, Lakers and Celtics would all be out of the Playoffs by this round. You're welcome!
NHL Playoffs
Two real quick thoughts here: If the Tampa Bay Lightening don't win the Stanley Cup my flabber will officially be ghasted. They came back from being down 3 games to 1 and smoked the Penguins, demolished the Capitals, and they walloped Boston in game one 5-2. The Lightening sure are...streaking! Give me my Pulitzer now please.
Second thought- I wish I cared more about the San Jose Sharks or the Vancouver Canucks. Shouldn't the Canucks beat them by eight goals every game based on the laws of hockey? How can a team from San Jose, named after a predator in the ocean, beat a team from Canada named after Canada in a sport most loved by Canadians played on frozen water?! If the Canucks don't sweep then I'm losing what little respect I had for Canadians to begin with. That is to say, nothing will change.
The Players Championship
This is where I lose most of you, but bear with me for two minutes. Just because Tiger withdrew on Thursday after playing 9 holes because his knee was grinding like the gears in a 1977 Dodge Dart doesn't mean this tournament wasn't exciting.
There was another Sunday afternoon collapse by an Irishman (this time Graeme McDowell not Rory McIlroy), another playoff which means we got to see the iconic 17th again, and a bone-headed mistake by a veteran that gave my boy K.J. Choi his first Major Championship. A much deserved championship for a guy who seems to always finish in the top 10 but never seems to win.
Weekends without the NFL just don't get much better than that! Unless, of course, the Lakers could come back and get swept again by the Heat, then the Celtics, and then again by the Bulls. Who wouldn't love that?
In the end, it was a verifiable alphabet soup of sporting events and I couldn't have enjoyed it more. Savor these times folks. Pretty soon these playoffs will be over and I'm going to have to blog about the pros and cons of Thor, Green Lantern, X-Men: First Class and Captain America and which film really captured the character true to the original comic books.
Actually...that sounds like fun. I'll get started now!
On top of that, we had a rare sighting of a weekend's most joyous occasion: the Sunday afternoon menage-a-trois! Not the gross kind that will make you popular with guys who wear half-buttoned dress shirts, no undershirt and necklaces, the wonderful sports kind that keeps your trigger finger firing on the "Previous Channel" button on your TV remote.
I was so excited I was standing and flipping back and forth between the NBA Playoffs (Oklahoma City Thunder v. Memphis Grizzlies Game 7) and the final round of the PGA Tour's Player's Championship at TPC Sawgrass. It was me, the NBA Playoffs and the final round of a PGA Major. The three of us were in heaven.
Factor in the NHL Western Conference Finals starting that night and you could say it was the NBA in OKC, the NHL, and the PGA at TPC won by K.J. all watched by AJ in Northern VA!
So now you know why my head is spinning.
I'll give you a thought or two about each to keep things moving.
NBA Playoffs
First of all, much respect is due to the Memphis Grizzlies. Largely for being a team from the city of Memphis, named the Grizzlies, and still existing as a franchise in 2011. Shouldn't they have folded years ago? Are there two things people care less about than the city of Memphis and Grizzly Bears as a sport's mascot? It sounds like a little league team with players who have nicknames like Chubbs, Rinky-Dink and Freckles.
But as sure you know my morning coffee will get two Splenda and two hazelnut creamers (I like to get rid of as much of the coffee taste as possible), you had to know OKC was going to send Zach Randolph, his lethal jab-step jumper, and the Grizz home to a much deserved warm welcome in Memphis. Which is in, of course, Tennessee. Just an enormous basketball state, known for legends like...Bruce Pearl and a women's college basketball team.
Second thought- This Chicago/Miami series is going to be incredible. Don't discount the Heat because of the final score, they were in that game halfway through the 3rd quarter when the the wheels fell off. Chicago stole the momentum and everything, I mean everything, went their way. Luol Deng shot a three-pointer from the corner that hit every part of the rim, bounced out of the basket, took a left turn, made a three-quarters rotation and swan dove back through the hoop it had previously left. That won't happen four games in a row. I can't wait to watch the rest of this series.
Also, you may send me personal checks or cash for telling you that the Spurs, Lakers and Celtics would all be out of the Playoffs by this round. You're welcome!
NHL Playoffs
Two real quick thoughts here: If the Tampa Bay Lightening don't win the Stanley Cup my flabber will officially be ghasted. They came back from being down 3 games to 1 and smoked the Penguins, demolished the Capitals, and they walloped Boston in game one 5-2. The Lightening sure are...streaking! Give me my Pulitzer now please.
Second thought- I wish I cared more about the San Jose Sharks or the Vancouver Canucks. Shouldn't the Canucks beat them by eight goals every game based on the laws of hockey? How can a team from San Jose, named after a predator in the ocean, beat a team from Canada named after Canada in a sport most loved by Canadians played on frozen water?! If the Canucks don't sweep then I'm losing what little respect I had for Canadians to begin with. That is to say, nothing will change.
The Players Championship
This is where I lose most of you, but bear with me for two minutes. Just because Tiger withdrew on Thursday after playing 9 holes because his knee was grinding like the gears in a 1977 Dodge Dart doesn't mean this tournament wasn't exciting.
There was another Sunday afternoon collapse by an Irishman (this time Graeme McDowell not Rory McIlroy), another playoff which means we got to see the iconic 17th again, and a bone-headed mistake by a veteran that gave my boy K.J. Choi his first Major Championship. A much deserved championship for a guy who seems to always finish in the top 10 but never seems to win.
Weekends without the NFL just don't get much better than that! Unless, of course, the Lakers could come back and get swept again by the Heat, then the Celtics, and then again by the Bulls. Who wouldn't love that?
In the end, it was a verifiable alphabet soup of sporting events and I couldn't have enjoyed it more. Savor these times folks. Pretty soon these playoffs will be over and I'm going to have to blog about the pros and cons of Thor, Green Lantern, X-Men: First Class and Captain America and which film really captured the character true to the original comic books.
Actually...that sounds like fun. I'll get started now!
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Fall of the Lakers
The following is a vitriol laced column detailing my feelings toward the 'bully-in-the-sandbox' Lakers and the disgraceful end to their season. Just so we're clear on where this is heading...
The Los Angeles Lakers, after losing the first three games of a seven games series to the Dallas Mavericks barely managed to lace up their shoes for the series deciding game four on Sunday. Instead, they mulled around the court apathetically, taking little interest in playing defense and opting for the "me-first" approach on offense (7 foot center Andrew Bynum was literally shooting turnaround, fallaway jumpers from 17 feet).
I'm reminded of Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter series who, upon finding out he 'only' got 26 presents for his birthday declares, "I want another! I must have more than last year!"
This self-entitled Lakers team has been disillusioned to think they can hide behind Kobe's greatness and bully all opposing teams as they walk their way to another three-peat championship. "But I want another title! I deserve it because Kobe and Phil Jackson are on my team!"
Once Kobe stopped being the best player on the court the facade fell that the Lakers had any semblance of depth or support from their bench. And as soon as things stopped going their way they self-destructed and quit on each other, much like a group of strangers playing pick-up. Acting as though there is no loyalty and no bond between them. They just showed up to play ball for a little bit
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't just the role players who let this get out of hand. I blame Kobe himself. What? You don't remember that time when Jordan let his team get swept out of the playoffs, losing game four by 36 points? You don't remember when Jordan let his team quit on him and didn't will them to victory all by himself?
Kobe sits in his snarky tower barely giving notice to us commoners down below. Issuing a disrespectful quote here and there, never admitting fault or defeat. Stating that he wants to win more championships than Jordan so he can (in his mind only) become a greater player than the immortal MJ. Yet did Jordan ever let this happen? Did Jordan ever quit in a game? Even when he had the flu? Even after his Dad died?
In reality, the Lakers couldn't shoot the ball effectively, they couldn't guard an order of Mushu Pork if it ran a pick 'n roll against them, and they didn't get anything out of their two 7 footers. They had no answer for Dirk and showed great immaturity in handling crunch-time situations and, ultimately, defeat.
Despite having four of the five best players on the court almost all the time, the Lakers couldn't put anything together and, in the face of adversity, collapsed.
And really, none of that is what makes this Lakers season a disgrace. Sometimes teams don't shoot well in the playoffs, sometimes they collapse under pressure. It's not easy to win a championship, let alone three in a row.
But when you act like Veruca Salt, shouting "I want an oompa loompa, NOW!" you show what you're really made of. "If I don't get my championship ring this year I'm going to throw a tantrum like you've never seen!"
And they did. First Lamar Odom body checks Dirk Nowitzki on an inbounds pass and gets ejected, then the real Big Baby in the NBA, Andrew Bynum, frustrated that things weren't going his way and that he wasn't being used effectively, elbowed JJ Barea into next Friday while he was in the air driving to the hoop. Bynum was immediately ejected and promptly shed his jersey as he stormed off the court.
A class move, really.
Fitting though, the Mavericks were shooting so well that 5'11'' JJ Barea after being hit-sticked by 7'0'' Bynum still made the layup despite being driven through the hardwood. Karma, perhaps.
At least we know Lamar did it so his "hit" reality show Kholoe & Lamar will have a great season ending cliff hanger..."When Khole goes shopping without telling Lamar he takes it out on the court!" Followed by a slow-motion shot of Odom slamming into Dirk and knocking him over. "What will happen next season on...Khloe & Lamar?!"
What's ridiculous is that Ron Artest wasn't even the craziest guy on the court! He barley made a headline until he tried to rip JJ Barea's face off in game three McGruber style (note: also leading to Artest's ejection/suspension).
Just like a bully picks the smallest guy in class to abuse, the Lakers beat up tiny JJ Barea repeatedly but had no answer to a real threat like Dirk or Jason Terry even! Jason Terry! A guy coming off the bench!
I can't wait to watch the season in review DVD for the Lakers. The final montage played to Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" and filled with slow-motion clips of Artest, Odom and Bynum intentionally slamming into Dallas Mavericks players because they didn't get their way and, really, they ought to because they totally deserve it!
And, much like Biff Tannan, when all is said and done, Marty McFly walks away the hero and Biff is left behind covered in horse s-, poop.
Kobe is no longer the best player in the NBA and he was drastically outplayed by Dirk in this series. The baton has been passed and the reign of terror is over.
In the end, someone stood up to the bully Lakers and at the first sign of resistance they backed down, cowered in the corner and took a few cheap shots.
They went out like cowards instead of losing with class and dignity.
Like the Wizards do every year.
The Los Angeles Lakers, after losing the first three games of a seven games series to the Dallas Mavericks barely managed to lace up their shoes for the series deciding game four on Sunday. Instead, they mulled around the court apathetically, taking little interest in playing defense and opting for the "me-first" approach on offense (7 foot center Andrew Bynum was literally shooting turnaround, fallaway jumpers from 17 feet).
I'm reminded of Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter series who, upon finding out he 'only' got 26 presents for his birthday declares, "I want another! I must have more than last year!"
This self-entitled Lakers team has been disillusioned to think they can hide behind Kobe's greatness and bully all opposing teams as they walk their way to another three-peat championship. "But I want another title! I deserve it because Kobe and Phil Jackson are on my team!"
Once Kobe stopped being the best player on the court the facade fell that the Lakers had any semblance of depth or support from their bench. And as soon as things stopped going their way they self-destructed and quit on each other, much like a group of strangers playing pick-up. Acting as though there is no loyalty and no bond between them. They just showed up to play ball for a little bit
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't just the role players who let this get out of hand. I blame Kobe himself. What? You don't remember that time when Jordan let his team get swept out of the playoffs, losing game four by 36 points? You don't remember when Jordan let his team quit on him and didn't will them to victory all by himself?
Kobe sits in his snarky tower barely giving notice to us commoners down below. Issuing a disrespectful quote here and there, never admitting fault or defeat. Stating that he wants to win more championships than Jordan so he can (in his mind only) become a greater player than the immortal MJ. Yet did Jordan ever let this happen? Did Jordan ever quit in a game? Even when he had the flu? Even after his Dad died?
In reality, the Lakers couldn't shoot the ball effectively, they couldn't guard an order of Mushu Pork if it ran a pick 'n roll against them, and they didn't get anything out of their two 7 footers. They had no answer for Dirk and showed great immaturity in handling crunch-time situations and, ultimately, defeat.
Despite having four of the five best players on the court almost all the time, the Lakers couldn't put anything together and, in the face of adversity, collapsed.
And really, none of that is what makes this Lakers season a disgrace. Sometimes teams don't shoot well in the playoffs, sometimes they collapse under pressure. It's not easy to win a championship, let alone three in a row.
But when you act like Veruca Salt, shouting "I want an oompa loompa, NOW!" you show what you're really made of. "If I don't get my championship ring this year I'm going to throw a tantrum like you've never seen!"
And they did. First Lamar Odom body checks Dirk Nowitzki on an inbounds pass and gets ejected, then the real Big Baby in the NBA, Andrew Bynum, frustrated that things weren't going his way and that he wasn't being used effectively, elbowed JJ Barea into next Friday while he was in the air driving to the hoop. Bynum was immediately ejected and promptly shed his jersey as he stormed off the court.
A class move, really.
Fitting though, the Mavericks were shooting so well that 5'11'' JJ Barea after being hit-sticked by 7'0'' Bynum still made the layup despite being driven through the hardwood. Karma, perhaps.
At least we know Lamar did it so his "hit" reality show Kholoe & Lamar will have a great season ending cliff hanger..."When Khole goes shopping without telling Lamar he takes it out on the court!" Followed by a slow-motion shot of Odom slamming into Dirk and knocking him over. "What will happen next season on...Khloe & Lamar?!"
What's ridiculous is that Ron Artest wasn't even the craziest guy on the court! He barley made a headline until he tried to rip JJ Barea's face off in game three McGruber style (note: also leading to Artest's ejection/suspension).
Just like a bully picks the smallest guy in class to abuse, the Lakers beat up tiny JJ Barea repeatedly but had no answer to a real threat like Dirk or Jason Terry even! Jason Terry! A guy coming off the bench!
I can't wait to watch the season in review DVD for the Lakers. The final montage played to Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" and filled with slow-motion clips of Artest, Odom and Bynum intentionally slamming into Dallas Mavericks players because they didn't get their way and, really, they ought to because they totally deserve it!
And, much like Biff Tannan, when all is said and done, Marty McFly walks away the hero and Biff is left behind covered in horse s-, poop.
Kobe is no longer the best player in the NBA and he was drastically outplayed by Dirk in this series. The baton has been passed and the reign of terror is over.
In the end, someone stood up to the bully Lakers and at the first sign of resistance they backed down, cowered in the corner and took a few cheap shots.
They went out like cowards instead of losing with class and dignity.
Like the Wizards do every year.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Two Lists of Three
I'm back after my month-long hiatus for the atrocity that was my previous blog post. If ever there was a year to ignore all the advice I gave you about the NCAA Tournament, it was this year. I feel I have paid my dues, and punished myself for my previous mis-deeds, and now I am back. And just in time too.
We only have a few weeks left of meaningful sports before the black hole of major league baseball is all that is left to "entertain" us for the summer. I don't mean to startle you here, but once the NBA and NHL playoffs end baseball is all we'll have until the NFL labor negotiation dispute is settled. At least last year we had the World Cup to take our minds off of things. Why couldn't the World Cup have been played this year, during the lockout? That's just more proof that soccer hates America.
I figure I should squeeze every last drop out of these playoffs because they are shaping up to be more exciting than a dinner party with Sigfried and Roy.
The NBA Playoffs are filled with story lines. You have the superstars each grasping for a title and a shot at immortality. Regular stars grasping for the one moment, one game, that will change how they're remembered forever. And the Knicks bench slowly finding out that they will actually have to contribute because running a 5-on-1 with Carmelo against the Celtics doesn't work (see: LeBron, 2010).
Plus you have the NHL playoffs with all of their incredible story lines and star players. You know them...Alex Ovechkin and....um...the other Russian guy. That one guy from Canada and those two brothers who play for a team either in the Eastern Conference or the Western Conference, I can't remember which.
Point is, the Washington Capitals are looking for penance from their previous years playoff catastrophes and I'm here to give it to them.
For the sake of time, and creativity, I'll give you three things to watch for in each of these playoffs. Don't worry, the three things won't be hyper-specific like "Kobe's left knee, Chris Bosh's PER, and Amare's back spasms". They would have been, but my editor advised me not too.
Of course, by "editor" I mean the high school student I convinced to read my blogs and say nice things to me in exchange for "course credit" and something I call "not being punched".
Here are three things to watch for in the NBA Playoffs:
1. The Second Round in the East - If you're an American you watch sports for one of two reasons 1) to watch the best athletes in the world play, or 2) because you want your husband/boyfriend to like you and think you're into what they're into so you suffer through games you care nothing about and sometimes say something like, "So, what happens if your team loses?". Which gives the male in this situation an opportunity to lay out every possible playoffs scenario imaginable while you get 10-20 minutes of free-time to check Facebook on your phone.
All that to say, if you like watching superstars do things that are superstar-ish, you need to watch the second round of the NBA Playoffs in the Eastern Conference. If the games go according to plan, you have the potential match-up for the Chicago Bulls (Rose, Boozer, Noah) to play the Orlando Magic (Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, Jason Richardson and the corpses of Hedo Turkoglu and Gilbert Arenas).
Not to mention the Celtics (Garnett, Peirce, Allen, Rondo,Perkins) battling the Heat (and those three idiots we're sick of). More importantly, however, is that these series will be so great because the teams genuinely hate each other.
Derrick Rose wants nothing other to stand over the defeated bodies of LeBron, Wade, Howard, and Garnett and sneer at them in victory while setting his sights on the Lakers in the West. Garnett will actually bite someone in the throat, and I'm almost positive LeBron will try to get Paul Pierce to collaborate on a rap album with him (we all know LeBron doesn't quite have the killer instinct we thought he did).
Point is- watch these games. They won't disappoint.
2. The Oklahoma City Thunder - There is a group of guys in the West who are all in their early 20s, genuinely like each other, care about winning and playing basketball instead of personal glory and just traded for a dominate defensive center who makes other teams think twice before driving the lane. We saw last year when the Thunder played the Lakers that they didn't have the big men to keep up with Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum. If memory serves me right, Kendrick Perkins has done a fair job handling those two in the playoffs before, and I think he's primed to do it again.
The Thunder are my pick to come out of the West. Don't bet on it, though, cause that'd be foolish. We all remember my March Madness debacle, don't we?
3. Old Teams Dying Fast - What do the San Antonio Spurs, Boston Celtics, and Los Angeles Lakers all have in common? None of them will be playing the Finals this year. Usually I'd say that because of personal bias, but this year we've seen these teams die off faster than the cast of Hamlet (that's an educational joke, you may have to look it up). The Spurs will be lucky to beat the Grizzlies in Round 1, the Celtics might not even make it past the Heat in Round 2, and if the Lakers can give away a home game to the New Orleans Hornets I'm not sure they can last through the Western Conference Finals. Or maybe I'm just hoping they can't.
Now onto hockey (read, Capitals) and three things you need to keep an eye out for.
1. No Quit in 'em - The Caps are showing something they didn't show in previous years- the "No Quit" element. I'm sure after going down 0-3 to the Rangers in Game 4 many fans turned off the TV. The Caps didn't and they ended up rallying back to win in double overtime. That's what champions do. Champions also close out series, so we'll see how they handle Game 5, but they played like they're supposed to win and that kind of swagger means the world in playoffs.
2. Best Player? - It's not Ovechkin, although he is vital to our success. I'd keep an eye on Alexander Semin and Michal Neuvirth the goal keeper. Mike Knuble is also a personal favorite, but just because his last name is a hoot to say. Knuble.
3. The Capitals - Just watch the Caps. D.C. is as much of a football town as Compton is a drive-by shooting town, but that doesn't mean the Capitals don't deserve our attention and respect. They have the best shot of bringing a title to Washington out of any of our teams have since the Joe Gibbs era. Plus, you don't want to be the guy who jumps on the bandwagon too late do you? Get on now while there is plenty of room. I saved a seat for you next to Ovi's gap tooth and Bruce Boudreau's breakfast plate of waffles and uncooked bacon.
And a final note to anyone from New York: Madison Square Garden does suck. It's the Roman Pantheon of stadiums. Everyone gets all excited to go there and take pictures, but when its all said and done its just a crumbled facade that was once something to be admired. Kind of like Derek Jeter.
See you next week!
We only have a few weeks left of meaningful sports before the black hole of major league baseball is all that is left to "entertain" us for the summer. I don't mean to startle you here, but once the NBA and NHL playoffs end baseball is all we'll have until the NFL labor negotiation dispute is settled. At least last year we had the World Cup to take our minds off of things. Why couldn't the World Cup have been played this year, during the lockout? That's just more proof that soccer hates America.
I figure I should squeeze every last drop out of these playoffs because they are shaping up to be more exciting than a dinner party with Sigfried and Roy.
The NBA Playoffs are filled with story lines. You have the superstars each grasping for a title and a shot at immortality. Regular stars grasping for the one moment, one game, that will change how they're remembered forever. And the Knicks bench slowly finding out that they will actually have to contribute because running a 5-on-1 with Carmelo against the Celtics doesn't work (see: LeBron, 2010).
Plus you have the NHL playoffs with all of their incredible story lines and star players. You know them...Alex Ovechkin and....um...the other Russian guy. That one guy from Canada and those two brothers who play for a team either in the Eastern Conference or the Western Conference, I can't remember which.
Point is, the Washington Capitals are looking for penance from their previous years playoff catastrophes and I'm here to give it to them.
For the sake of time, and creativity, I'll give you three things to watch for in each of these playoffs. Don't worry, the three things won't be hyper-specific like "Kobe's left knee, Chris Bosh's PER, and Amare's back spasms". They would have been, but my editor advised me not too.
Of course, by "editor" I mean the high school student I convinced to read my blogs and say nice things to me in exchange for "course credit" and something I call "not being punched".
Here are three things to watch for in the NBA Playoffs:
1. The Second Round in the East - If you're an American you watch sports for one of two reasons 1) to watch the best athletes in the world play, or 2) because you want your husband/boyfriend to like you and think you're into what they're into so you suffer through games you care nothing about and sometimes say something like, "So, what happens if your team loses?". Which gives the male in this situation an opportunity to lay out every possible playoffs scenario imaginable while you get 10-20 minutes of free-time to check Facebook on your phone.
All that to say, if you like watching superstars do things that are superstar-ish, you need to watch the second round of the NBA Playoffs in the Eastern Conference. If the games go according to plan, you have the potential match-up for the Chicago Bulls (Rose, Boozer, Noah) to play the Orlando Magic (Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, Jason Richardson and the corpses of Hedo Turkoglu and Gilbert Arenas).
Not to mention the Celtics (Garnett, Peirce, Allen, Rondo,
Derrick Rose wants nothing other to stand over the defeated bodies of LeBron, Wade, Howard, and Garnett and sneer at them in victory while setting his sights on the Lakers in the West. Garnett will actually bite someone in the throat, and I'm almost positive LeBron will try to get Paul Pierce to collaborate on a rap album with him (we all know LeBron doesn't quite have the killer instinct we thought he did).
Point is- watch these games. They won't disappoint.
2. The Oklahoma City Thunder - There is a group of guys in the West who are all in their early 20s, genuinely like each other, care about winning and playing basketball instead of personal glory and just traded for a dominate defensive center who makes other teams think twice before driving the lane. We saw last year when the Thunder played the Lakers that they didn't have the big men to keep up with Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum. If memory serves me right, Kendrick Perkins has done a fair job handling those two in the playoffs before, and I think he's primed to do it again.
The Thunder are my pick to come out of the West. Don't bet on it, though, cause that'd be foolish. We all remember my March Madness debacle, don't we?
3. Old Teams Dying Fast - What do the San Antonio Spurs, Boston Celtics, and Los Angeles Lakers all have in common? None of them will be playing the Finals this year. Usually I'd say that because of personal bias, but this year we've seen these teams die off faster than the cast of Hamlet (that's an educational joke, you may have to look it up). The Spurs will be lucky to beat the Grizzlies in Round 1, the Celtics might not even make it past the Heat in Round 2, and if the Lakers can give away a home game to the New Orleans Hornets I'm not sure they can last through the Western Conference Finals. Or maybe I'm just hoping they can't.
Now onto hockey (read, Capitals) and three things you need to keep an eye out for.
1. No Quit in 'em - The Caps are showing something they didn't show in previous years- the "No Quit" element. I'm sure after going down 0-3 to the Rangers in Game 4 many fans turned off the TV. The Caps didn't and they ended up rallying back to win in double overtime. That's what champions do. Champions also close out series, so we'll see how they handle Game 5, but they played like they're supposed to win and that kind of swagger means the world in playoffs.
2. Best Player? - It's not Ovechkin, although he is vital to our success. I'd keep an eye on Alexander Semin and Michal Neuvirth the goal keeper. Mike Knuble is also a personal favorite, but just because his last name is a hoot to say. Knuble.
3. The Capitals - Just watch the Caps. D.C. is as much of a football town as Compton is a drive-by shooting town, but that doesn't mean the Capitals don't deserve our attention and respect. They have the best shot of bringing a title to Washington out of any of our teams have since the Joe Gibbs era. Plus, you don't want to be the guy who jumps on the bandwagon too late do you? Get on now while there is plenty of room. I saved a seat for you next to Ovi's gap tooth and Bruce Boudreau's breakfast plate of waffles and uncooked bacon.
And a final note to anyone from New York: Madison Square Garden does suck. It's the Roman Pantheon of stadiums. Everyone gets all excited to go there and take pictures, but when its all said and done its just a crumbled facade that was once something to be admired. Kind of like Derek Jeter.
See you next week!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Why Carmelo Anthony Going to the Knicks is the Best Thing for Me
This blog is all about me. It always has been, and it always will be (until I get picked up by a website and they start paying me to do this). So...it always will be.
Which is why when an NBA super-star gets traded I can find a way for it to positively affect me.
That said, here are five reasons why Carmelo Anthony being traded to the NY Knicks is the best thing for me, and my NBA enjoyment.
1. Everything is better when NY is the villain - New York might be the only city that can sway the success of an entire professional sports league.
The NFL got about 16 times more interesting when Rex Ryan came to the Jets and began hiring the leagues more, um, 'frowned-upon' players while making claims of winning Super Bowls, beating the Patriots, and smelling women's feet.
The only time I can remember actively watching MLB was during 2004 when the Red Sox and Yankees faced off in the ALCS. That was 7 years ago! I haven't watched baseball since.
Sources say I'm not missing anything.
The New York Red Bulls (that's the MLS team for those of you who don't know...so, all of you) have been a middle of the pack team for years, and Major League Soccer hasn't been doing so hot in America. So...you know. You can see a clear correlation there.
The New York Rangers have been...OK, I think I made my point. Go look it up for yourself if you need more convincing.
Now, after the Knicks have been beyond irrelevant for the last 10 years, I actually began to pity them. It's like watching an Al Pacino film from this decade. He used to be the biggest star and one of the most imposing acting forces on Earth, and then you watch The Recruit, 88 Minutes, and Righteous Kill and you just start feeling bad for him. Maybe its time he pulls a Sean Connery and start doing voice-overs for video games. Let us remember his great films nostalgically and not force us to watch his decrepit body crumble before our eyes on screen.
The Knicks were irrelevant and the Eastern Conference was boring. You had the Celtics (which are a fun team to watch and you can easily form an opinion for or against them) and the Magic (who you want to like but never really take seriously). Before that it was the Cavaliers (with LeBron) or the Pistons (snooze). I don't know about you, but when I think Orlando, Cleveland and Detroit I don't exactly think NBA powerhouses. It's been the Lakers and Spurs show for the past 10 years. Yawn.
Now the Knicks are relevant. Carmelo, Amare, Chauncey Billups and company. Al Pacino starred in "You Don't Know Jack" which is up for nomination. And I can rest easy and be comfortable again. I can hate the NY Knicks. After rooting for them to get Carmelo for the past 7 months, I can immediately flip the switch and begin to loathe their entire being.
Life is good.
2. The Power has Shifted to the Eastern Conference - Don't worry. Don't skip ahead. I'm not actually going to break down the power shift in the NBA. I just want to use this paragraph to rant about Kobe Bryant. (But let it be known that the Eastern Conference is in a trading frenzy right now moving pieces and trying to one-up each other with the bigger acquisition - Deron Williams traded to the Nets, Wizards making moves, Hawks making moves, etc.)
OK, so Kobe. Just when I was beginning to respect the guy as a player and a professional and he goes and does what he did in the All-Star game. I've never seen someone so concerned with winning the MVP of the All-Star game. He was doing everything he could on the court (including shooting 26 times in 29 minutes) to ensure he would get the most meaningless honor given in the NBA. He's like the kid in class who doesn't have any friends and gets picked on a lot so he focuses all his attention on studying and becoming really smart. He wins every spelling bee and gets high marks on all his tests like he's going to prove himself to the rest of the class. Look, we get it, you're smart. High-fives for everyone. Now lets head to the bathroom for your Thursday afternoon swirly.
Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a child or maybe his dad, Joe "Jellybean" Bryant, drove him too hard. Or maybe it was growing up with a dad nicknamed "Jellybean". Who knows. But when you try that hard in an exhibition game to prove yourself, you deserve to have your knee caps removed and used for batting practice with Jose Cancseco.
It's like Kobe has a list of Michael Jordan's accomplishments on his bedroom wall. And if he can just check off every box that MJ did, then Kobe can be called at least as good as MJ was. (Jordan had three All-Star MVP awards, Kobe now has four). I'm sure he raced home, got out his big red Sharpie and added a check mark to his list.
What a loser.
3. The NBA is Exploding Right Now - It started with the Boston Celtics back in 2007 when they acquired Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, assembling the first Big Three (of this generation) since Manu, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan down in San Antonio. In 2008 Pau Gasol (one of the league's premier centers) gets traded to the Lakers for a chicken sandwich, two handshakes and a side-hug. Then LeBron and Chris Bosh go to the Heat to join forces with Dwayne Wade. Struggling teams all over are clearing cap space to sign big name free agents. Amare goes to NY, Carmelo gets traded there. Deron Williams goes to New Jersey while teams are clearing cap space for Chris Paul's free agency coming up.
The NBA is a fantasy league right now (credit @JoeFuller4 for that).
And you know me....I LOVE FANTASY SPORTS!!!
4. Playoff basketball is going to be so good this year - I won't belabor this point either. The Eastern Conference will shake down something like this:
1. Boston (4 All-Stars)
2. Miami (3 All-Stars)
3. Chicago (1 All-Star)
4. Orlando (1 All-Star)
5. Atlanta (2 All- Star)
6. New York (1 Eastern Conference All-Star, 1 Western Conference All-Star)
The entire Eastern Conference All-Star team came from 6 out of the 16 teams. Those 6 teams are the top 6 ranked teams in the Conference. You think any of these teams look forward to playing each other in the playoffs? Get your popcorn ready...I just used a T.O. joke from 2005 and deserve to have my keyboard taken away.
5. The Washington Wizards - Carmelo going to the Knicks and the subsequent trading frenzy that has followed has finally allowed me to let go. I no longer need to pretend that the Wizards can be anything other than completely irrelevant in the NBA until at least 2026. I'm giving it 15 years. Why? Unless Washington suddenly becomes the hot place to play, we're not going to get any big name free agents for a while. We have no pieces to trade, we have the ugliest uniforms and a name from a game of Dungeons & Dragons. No one is coming here.
So we have to wait out the primes of LeBron, Wade, Amare, Carmelo, Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose, Joe Johnson, Rajon Rondo, and others. By that time the Wizards may have accumulated enough Lottery picks to have done something worthwhile.
Either way, John Wall's prime will be past and his talent will have been squandered. Sure, he'll break the assist record and set a consecutive double-double streak for every game in the entire season. But the Wizards will win 20-30 games and never make it out of the East.
So, here's to the 2030's! That's the decade I'm calling for Washington sports. We'll be relevant then. And it's only 19 years away!
I'm going to go hit myself in the head with a shovel...hopefully that makes the next 20 years go by faster.
Which is why when an NBA super-star gets traded I can find a way for it to positively affect me.
That said, here are five reasons why Carmelo Anthony being traded to the NY Knicks is the best thing for me, and my NBA enjoyment.
1. Everything is better when NY is the villain - New York might be the only city that can sway the success of an entire professional sports league.
The NFL got about 16 times more interesting when Rex Ryan came to the Jets and began hiring the leagues more, um, 'frowned-upon' players while making claims of winning Super Bowls, beating the Patriots, and smelling women's feet.
The only time I can remember actively watching MLB was during 2004 when the Red Sox and Yankees faced off in the ALCS. That was 7 years ago! I haven't watched baseball since.
Sources say I'm not missing anything.
The New York Red Bulls (that's the MLS team for those of you who don't know...so, all of you) have been a middle of the pack team for years, and Major League Soccer hasn't been doing so hot in America. So...you know. You can see a clear correlation there.
The New York Rangers have been...OK, I think I made my point. Go look it up for yourself if you need more convincing.
Now, after the Knicks have been beyond irrelevant for the last 10 years, I actually began to pity them. It's like watching an Al Pacino film from this decade. He used to be the biggest star and one of the most imposing acting forces on Earth, and then you watch The Recruit, 88 Minutes, and Righteous Kill and you just start feeling bad for him. Maybe its time he pulls a Sean Connery and start doing voice-overs for video games. Let us remember his great films nostalgically and not force us to watch his decrepit body crumble before our eyes on screen.
The Knicks were irrelevant and the Eastern Conference was boring. You had the Celtics (which are a fun team to watch and you can easily form an opinion for or against them) and the Magic (who you want to like but never really take seriously). Before that it was the Cavaliers (with LeBron) or the Pistons (snooze). I don't know about you, but when I think Orlando, Cleveland and Detroit I don't exactly think NBA powerhouses. It's been the Lakers and Spurs show for the past 10 years. Yawn.
Now the Knicks are relevant. Carmelo, Amare, Chauncey Billups and company. Al Pacino starred in "You Don't Know Jack" which is up for nomination. And I can rest easy and be comfortable again. I can hate the NY Knicks. After rooting for them to get Carmelo for the past 7 months, I can immediately flip the switch and begin to loathe their entire being.
Life is good.
2. The Power has Shifted to the Eastern Conference - Don't worry. Don't skip ahead. I'm not actually going to break down the power shift in the NBA. I just want to use this paragraph to rant about Kobe Bryant. (But let it be known that the Eastern Conference is in a trading frenzy right now moving pieces and trying to one-up each other with the bigger acquisition - Deron Williams traded to the Nets, Wizards making moves, Hawks making moves, etc.)
OK, so Kobe. Just when I was beginning to respect the guy as a player and a professional and he goes and does what he did in the All-Star game. I've never seen someone so concerned with winning the MVP of the All-Star game. He was doing everything he could on the court (including shooting 26 times in 29 minutes) to ensure he would get the most meaningless honor given in the NBA. He's like the kid in class who doesn't have any friends and gets picked on a lot so he focuses all his attention on studying and becoming really smart. He wins every spelling bee and gets high marks on all his tests like he's going to prove himself to the rest of the class. Look, we get it, you're smart. High-fives for everyone. Now lets head to the bathroom for your Thursday afternoon swirly.
Maybe he wasn't hugged enough as a child or maybe his dad, Joe "Jellybean" Bryant, drove him too hard. Or maybe it was growing up with a dad nicknamed "Jellybean". Who knows. But when you try that hard in an exhibition game to prove yourself, you deserve to have your knee caps removed and used for batting practice with Jose Cancseco.
It's like Kobe has a list of Michael Jordan's accomplishments on his bedroom wall. And if he can just check off every box that MJ did, then Kobe can be called at least as good as MJ was. (Jordan had three All-Star MVP awards, Kobe now has four). I'm sure he raced home, got out his big red Sharpie and added a check mark to his list.
What a loser.
3. The NBA is Exploding Right Now - It started with the Boston Celtics back in 2007 when they acquired Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, assembling the first Big Three (of this generation) since Manu, Tony Parker and Tim Duncan down in San Antonio. In 2008 Pau Gasol (one of the league's premier centers) gets traded to the Lakers for a chicken sandwich, two handshakes and a side-hug. Then LeBron and Chris Bosh go to the Heat to join forces with Dwayne Wade. Struggling teams all over are clearing cap space to sign big name free agents. Amare goes to NY, Carmelo gets traded there. Deron Williams goes to New Jersey while teams are clearing cap space for Chris Paul's free agency coming up.
The NBA is a fantasy league right now (credit @JoeFuller4 for that).
And you know me....I LOVE FANTASY SPORTS!!!
4. Playoff basketball is going to be so good this year - I won't belabor this point either. The Eastern Conference will shake down something like this:
1. Boston (4 All-Stars)
2. Miami (3 All-Stars)
3. Chicago (1 All-Star)
4. Orlando (1 All-Star)
5. Atlanta (2 All- Star)
6. New York (1 Eastern Conference All-Star, 1 Western Conference All-Star)
The entire Eastern Conference All-Star team came from 6 out of the 16 teams. Those 6 teams are the top 6 ranked teams in the Conference. You think any of these teams look forward to playing each other in the playoffs? Get your popcorn ready...I just used a T.O. joke from 2005 and deserve to have my keyboard taken away.
5. The Washington Wizards - Carmelo going to the Knicks and the subsequent trading frenzy that has followed has finally allowed me to let go. I no longer need to pretend that the Wizards can be anything other than completely irrelevant in the NBA until at least 2026. I'm giving it 15 years. Why? Unless Washington suddenly becomes the hot place to play, we're not going to get any big name free agents for a while. We have no pieces to trade, we have the ugliest uniforms and a name from a game of Dungeons & Dragons. No one is coming here.
So we have to wait out the primes of LeBron, Wade, Amare, Carmelo, Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose, Joe Johnson, Rajon Rondo, and others. By that time the Wizards may have accumulated enough Lottery picks to have done something worthwhile.
Either way, John Wall's prime will be past and his talent will have been squandered. Sure, he'll break the assist record and set a consecutive double-double streak for every game in the entire season. But the Wizards will win 20-30 games and never make it out of the East.
So, here's to the 2030's! That's the decade I'm calling for Washington sports. We'll be relevant then. And it's only 19 years away!
I'm going to go hit myself in the head with a shovel...hopefully that makes the next 20 years go by faster.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Fantasy Football Week 7 Awards- NBA Edition
There is a lot to talk about this morning. Not only did the NBA season kick off last night with the Celtics beating the Heat, but the Dallas Cowboy's season has effectively come to an end with Tony Romo's injury. That sound you heard was thousands of people piling off bandwagons.
"The Dallas Cowboys will be the first team to host and play in the Super Bowl!" - Any ESPN Analyst
"The Miami Heat are favorites to win the NBA Championship and the season hasn't begun!" - Vegas Bookies
Let's set something straight before we begin. I am a Miami Heat sympathizer. I am not a Heat fan. I'm a fan of the Washington Wizards. I sympathize with the Heat, however, because I am not a proponent of irrational sports hate. That said, I hate the Dallas Cowboys albeit, rationally. Let me explain.
Unless you lived in Cleveland or grew up a Cavaliers fan and were decimated by The Decision, you are taking your sports hatred way too far. I get it. You're probably bitter LeBron didn't come to your team.
"No way! I would never want that self-involved, egotistical, boob on my team ever!" - Generic reader who hates LeBron.
I'm sure you'd say that if he signed with your team. ("You're darn right I would! Obviously I've made a bold statement that I can't go back on, so I'll commit myself entirely to the stance that LeBron is not even good at basketball. Heck, I think I like Kobe now!" - same generic reader who I am no longer friends with).
There was enough hate going around after The Decision to choke a donkey. LeBron is a sidekick, Jordon would never do that, it's Dwayne Wade's team, LeBron's legacy is ruined, a Baby Ruth is a terrible excuse for a candy bar.
So be it. Let me be the first (or likely, 4,531st) to say that the hate has gone to far. If you watched any of the game last night, and I'm sure you didn't because no one watches regular season NBA, you saw that LeBron took that game over in the second half. Granted, they were down 19 at the time but when Bron turned it on that lead disintegrated to 6 points. He's still the best player in the league overall. The man can dominate, or have a very high success rate, at every position. The hate has gone too far.
That said, the Heat looked awful. Bill Simmons accurately tweeted during the game "Miami looks like they just met 45 minutes ago." It was...um..not good.
Other things to note about that game:
1) The atmosphere was Eastern Conference Finals worthy. Boston Garden was jam packed and the crowd was going nuts. There were more illiterate 18-34 year old males watching this game than there are at Real World house party when the Jersey Shore crew comes over.
2) This was Dwayne Wade's first game with this team, due to him playing only 3 minutes of pre-season before succumbing to a hamstring injury. That affects how you play, it just does. He played terrible yesterday, he looked like cloven-hoofed animal trying to crochet a cardigan.
3) Name the starting center for the Heat. That is a problem.
4) None of the Three Amigos were playing in their usual roles. LeBron and Wade don't know how to co-exist yet, and Bosh looked uncomfortable. He looked like he needed approval from Bron/Wade on everything he did. Did I tie my shoes ok, guys? Should I tuck my jersey in? What are you guys talking about over there!?!!
5) I can go on and on, but you're probably already considering closing this window cause you're tired of the Heat and don't care about the NBA that much.
Here's what I'm saying: the hate on the Heat has gone too far and don't be irrational about how you feel about LeBron. He's a stud no matter what decision he made. If you say he isn't you just don't know anything about sports and I would like to fight you.
On to the Fantasy Football Awards.
The Tony Romo Award- I have Romo on my team and him suffering essentially a season-ending collarbone injury is just what I needed. I can't root for Romo week-to-week. I just can't. I drafted him because I wanted an elite QB who could score a lot of points. Like you, I'm still confused as to why I drafted Romo. If we've learned anything this year its that he is just an above average QB.
You have to face facts. He plays in Dallas, sure, but he's not a star. He's just a good quarterback with good weapons around him. You think Dallas going 1-5 is entirely Wade Phillips fault? Partly, yes. Mostly, probably. However, they're losing games they are in the position to win because they have no leadership on the field. They act entitled and better than they are. There is no reason this team should be 1-5, in fact, more likely they should be 5-1. Romo can't come from behind (quit it), he can't control the offense and, just like my fantasy team, he can't lead them to victory. I'm glad I had a reason to drop him.
The Boston Celtics Award- Just when you think the old guys with fading talents are safe to write off, they surprise you with the play of one young stud. Tom gets this award for absolutely decimating my team this week at the hand of Darren McFadden and his 4 touchdowns. Tom's highest point total going into this week? 91 points. His score against me? 148. I smell a "post motherlovers hangover" coming up.
Sidenote: During the first quarter of the game last night I almost Tweeted, "After the playoffs last year, I'm not really afraid of Ray Allen's jumper anymore." He was 5-8 from beyond the arc. It's good to think before you speak.
The Miami Heat Award- An over-hyped team comes crashing down to reality when they play a good opponent. 6-0 Ricky matched up against Jimmy this week and finally got handed his first loss. Bad luck? I say nay-nay. Ricky finally played a team who put up a reasonable number of points against him and he lost. I hope this is just his luck running out.
In 5 of 7 games, Ricky's opponents have scored less than 81 points. Creasman scored 47 points against him! Ricky's one good win was against Ralph in week 2 when he posted 120 points. I think we'll see the tides begin to turn. That is, if people stop giving him all their best players for cheap.
The Buzz Lightyear Buzz Kill Award- After unabashedly rooting for Jimmy to deliver the final blow to Ricky, Gunst slipped in the comment that it'd be smarter to root against Jimmy (who had the same record as me) so we could fight for a playoff spot. At this point you figure Ricky is a lock for one of the four post-season spots available and Noord, who has the same record, will take one as well. That leaves two spots up for grabs. In a league where most teams are only 1 game apart I should be rooting for the winners to win, and my competition to lose.
Unfortunately, if you know me you know that my pride would never allow me to do that. So go Jimmy!
The Cerberus Slayer Award- I figure the guy with the greatest appreciation of sci-fi should take this award. Congrats Jimmy. Although frightful upon first glance, if you play music this fabled three-headed dog will simply fall asleep allowing safe passage (I learned this from Harry Potter). Similarly, Ricky sucks.
The "It's Time to Consider a New Profession" Award- Eric Creasman has officially fallen below a team named "Sluts R Us" in our fantasy league. *Gulp*
The Showing Signs of Life Award- Neil's team is on a two game win streak, and jumped up the rankings to 5th place. Then again, he'll probably trade his star players away for a case of Natty Light and a high-five.
The "How Did We Get Here?" Award- Noord's team is such a conundrum. His draft was less than impressive yet he's 6-1. I looked at all the match ups (yup, I'm committed to my work) and found that Noord has benefited from playing teams with crucial players on bye weeks (Me and Sam), beat Wheels when Miles Austin and Malcolm Floyd combined for 2.7 points, and came from behind to beat Creasman because Jason Witten finally decided to play football. Other than that, he's beaten Tom and Neil.
I get so bitter so quickly over things that don't matter.
The Battle for the 3 Game Streak- Sam and Austin faced each other last week. Sam on a two game losing streak, Austin a two game win streak. Sam's running backs took a vacation and Donald Driver decided against playing. That's not a recipe for winning.
You know what is? Breaking Tony Romo's collarbone.
Predictions- Some way, some how, Ricky finds a way to beat me this week. Jimmy slays the next giant, Noord which will lead to my excitement, then dismay when I realize there will be only 1 playoff spot left. Ralph extends his win streak to 3. I light myself on fire.
"The Dallas Cowboys will be the first team to host and play in the Super Bowl!" - Any ESPN Analyst
"The Miami Heat are favorites to win the NBA Championship and the season hasn't begun!" - Vegas Bookies
Let's set something straight before we begin. I am a Miami Heat sympathizer. I am not a Heat fan. I'm a fan of the Washington Wizards. I sympathize with the Heat, however, because I am not a proponent of irrational sports hate. That said, I hate the Dallas Cowboys albeit, rationally. Let me explain.
Unless you lived in Cleveland or grew up a Cavaliers fan and were decimated by The Decision, you are taking your sports hatred way too far. I get it. You're probably bitter LeBron didn't come to your team.
"No way! I would never want that self-involved, egotistical, boob on my team ever!" - Generic reader who hates LeBron.
I'm sure you'd say that if he signed with your team. ("You're darn right I would! Obviously I've made a bold statement that I can't go back on, so I'll commit myself entirely to the stance that LeBron is not even good at basketball. Heck, I think I like Kobe now!" - same generic reader who I am no longer friends with).
There was enough hate going around after The Decision to choke a donkey. LeBron is a sidekick, Jordon would never do that, it's Dwayne Wade's team, LeBron's legacy is ruined, a Baby Ruth is a terrible excuse for a candy bar.
So be it. Let me be the first (or likely, 4,531st) to say that the hate has gone to far. If you watched any of the game last night, and I'm sure you didn't because no one watches regular season NBA, you saw that LeBron took that game over in the second half. Granted, they were down 19 at the time but when Bron turned it on that lead disintegrated to 6 points. He's still the best player in the league overall. The man can dominate, or have a very high success rate, at every position. The hate has gone too far.
That said, the Heat looked awful. Bill Simmons accurately tweeted during the game "Miami looks like they just met 45 minutes ago." It was...um..not good.
Other things to note about that game:
1) The atmosphere was Eastern Conference Finals worthy. Boston Garden was jam packed and the crowd was going nuts. There were more illiterate 18-34 year old males watching this game than there are at Real World house party when the Jersey Shore crew comes over.
2) This was Dwayne Wade's first game with this team, due to him playing only 3 minutes of pre-season before succumbing to a hamstring injury. That affects how you play, it just does. He played terrible yesterday, he looked like cloven-hoofed animal trying to crochet a cardigan.
3) Name the starting center for the Heat. That is a problem.
4) None of the Three Amigos were playing in their usual roles. LeBron and Wade don't know how to co-exist yet, and Bosh looked uncomfortable. He looked like he needed approval from Bron/Wade on everything he did. Did I tie my shoes ok, guys? Should I tuck my jersey in? What are you guys talking about over there!?!!
5) I can go on and on, but you're probably already considering closing this window cause you're tired of the Heat and don't care about the NBA that much.
Here's what I'm saying: the hate on the Heat has gone too far and don't be irrational about how you feel about LeBron. He's a stud no matter what decision he made. If you say he isn't you just don't know anything about sports and I would like to fight you.
On to the Fantasy Football Awards.
The Tony Romo Award- I have Romo on my team and him suffering essentially a season-ending collarbone injury is just what I needed. I can't root for Romo week-to-week. I just can't. I drafted him because I wanted an elite QB who could score a lot of points. Like you, I'm still confused as to why I drafted Romo. If we've learned anything this year its that he is just an above average QB.
You have to face facts. He plays in Dallas, sure, but he's not a star. He's just a good quarterback with good weapons around him. You think Dallas going 1-5 is entirely Wade Phillips fault? Partly, yes. Mostly, probably. However, they're losing games they are in the position to win because they have no leadership on the field. They act entitled and better than they are. There is no reason this team should be 1-5, in fact, more likely they should be 5-1. Romo can't come from behind (quit it), he can't control the offense and, just like my fantasy team, he can't lead them to victory. I'm glad I had a reason to drop him.
The Boston Celtics Award- Just when you think the old guys with fading talents are safe to write off, they surprise you with the play of one young stud. Tom gets this award for absolutely decimating my team this week at the hand of Darren McFadden and his 4 touchdowns. Tom's highest point total going into this week? 91 points. His score against me? 148. I smell a "post motherlovers hangover" coming up.
Sidenote: During the first quarter of the game last night I almost Tweeted, "After the playoffs last year, I'm not really afraid of Ray Allen's jumper anymore." He was 5-8 from beyond the arc. It's good to think before you speak.
The Miami Heat Award- An over-hyped team comes crashing down to reality when they play a good opponent. 6-0 Ricky matched up against Jimmy this week and finally got handed his first loss. Bad luck? I say nay-nay. Ricky finally played a team who put up a reasonable number of points against him and he lost. I hope this is just his luck running out.
In 5 of 7 games, Ricky's opponents have scored less than 81 points. Creasman scored 47 points against him! Ricky's one good win was against Ralph in week 2 when he posted 120 points. I think we'll see the tides begin to turn. That is, if people stop giving him all their best players for cheap.
The Buzz Lightyear Buzz Kill Award- After unabashedly rooting for Jimmy to deliver the final blow to Ricky, Gunst slipped in the comment that it'd be smarter to root against Jimmy (who had the same record as me) so we could fight for a playoff spot. At this point you figure Ricky is a lock for one of the four post-season spots available and Noord, who has the same record, will take one as well. That leaves two spots up for grabs. In a league where most teams are only 1 game apart I should be rooting for the winners to win, and my competition to lose.
Unfortunately, if you know me you know that my pride would never allow me to do that. So go Jimmy!
The Cerberus Slayer Award- I figure the guy with the greatest appreciation of sci-fi should take this award. Congrats Jimmy. Although frightful upon first glance, if you play music this fabled three-headed dog will simply fall asleep allowing safe passage (I learned this from Harry Potter). Similarly, Ricky sucks.
The "It's Time to Consider a New Profession" Award- Eric Creasman has officially fallen below a team named "Sluts R Us" in our fantasy league. *Gulp*
The Showing Signs of Life Award- Neil's team is on a two game win streak, and jumped up the rankings to 5th place. Then again, he'll probably trade his star players away for a case of Natty Light and a high-five.
The "How Did We Get Here?" Award- Noord's team is such a conundrum. His draft was less than impressive yet he's 6-1. I looked at all the match ups (yup, I'm committed to my work) and found that Noord has benefited from playing teams with crucial players on bye weeks (Me and Sam), beat Wheels when Miles Austin and Malcolm Floyd combined for 2.7 points, and came from behind to beat Creasman because Jason Witten finally decided to play football. Other than that, he's beaten Tom and Neil.
I get so bitter so quickly over things that don't matter.
The Battle for the 3 Game Streak- Sam and Austin faced each other last week. Sam on a two game losing streak, Austin a two game win streak. Sam's running backs took a vacation and Donald Driver decided against playing. That's not a recipe for winning.
You know what is? Breaking Tony Romo's collarbone.
Predictions- Some way, some how, Ricky finds a way to beat me this week. Jimmy slays the next giant, Noord which will lead to my excitement, then dismay when I realize there will be only 1 playoff spot left. Ralph extends his win streak to 3. I light myself on fire.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
3 Things: Gilbert, NHL, and DC Fans
I understand that I'm about as multi-dimensional as Flat Stanley. I write about football or fantasy football. Occasionally I'll mention a TV show no one is watching. So I'm gonna make like a well structured portfolio and diversify myself.
There are three things I'd like to bring to the table this morning. Number one is actually number zero. Rather, Agent Zero.
Agent Zero- Gilbert Arenas, or, as you know him, that homeless bearded guy who points guns at everyone, is struggling to stay out of the media's harsh and imposing glare. Arenas gets a bad rap. In fact, a terrible rap. And rightfully so. He lacks what we call "common sense". He goes about each day like one of us would. We make jokes with our friends, we do stupid stuff, we make ridiculous claims and its all good because nobody actually cares what we do on a daily basis.
Gil, however, fails to understand that every action he takes has an incredible impact because he represents a professional basketball team, a major sports city and himself. When he was in trouble for bringing guns into the locker room, he clearly failed to see what the issue was. The locker room is his place of work. I don't get to bring a glock into my office and keep it in my desk. I keep it taped to the bottom of my chair. Duh. No, just kidding. I'm not a self-involved nincompoop.
When Gil says something like, "I lost all feeling a long time ago. Basketball is basketball..." or when his press day photos through the years look like this, or even better, like this, you have to wonder what is going on with this guy and why he is so far out of touch with reality. I bet he still thinks Pluto is a planet.
He even said he wants to help John Wall get ready to take over the team so he (Gil) can move on. Has anyone wanted to be a part of anything less, ever? Maybe Dwayne Johnson when he filmed The Tooth Fairy.
Now Gil is faking injuries to help teammates get more playing time. By the way, I think this is a great gesture, but a moronic move! You are a professional athlete. Being paid millions of dollars to play basketball. You don't get to call in sick. Each day I worry more and more that Gilbert will show up with a Dennis Rodman hair-do and start thanking his therapist for helping him win a championship.
Number 2.
The NHL- I am happy to admit right now that I am a casual Washington Capitals fan. They are my team in hockey, and I will root for them relentlessly, but I will not know every player on the team. In fact, outside of the Capitals I don't claim to know a ton about hockey. But here is what I do know.
There are two great players in hockey (a generalization, but go with it). The first is Capital's All-Star Alexander Ovechkin, the Russian monster who everyone claims is the best player in the league. The second is the ugly hamster looking Canuck, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Two things you need to know:
1) There is a rivalry between the Penguins and the Capitals due to many years of facing each other in the playoffs.
2) Crosby has a Stanley Cup. Ovechkin does not.
2a) The Stanley Cup is the trophy you win when you win the Super Bowl in hockey (just appealing to my reader's who don't know hockey).
The NHL is not a terribly mainstream sport in America, even though its popularity is growing. So, in order to help everybody understand the biggest rivalry between the biggest players in hockey I've come up with this comparison.
Alexander Ovechkin is LeBron James. Sidney Crosby is Kobe Bryant. This works because I hate Kobe, and I also think LeBron is ugly.
Ovie wins in the regular season. Last year the Capitals won the President's Trophy, the award given the team with the best regular season record. Ovie wins Hart Trophies, the award given the MVP of the league (he won it in 2008 and 2009). Ovie leads the league in scoring, and points, and all these hockey things I don't care to understand fully.
Ovie also flames out in the playoffs. He doesn't get it done, he doesn't perform. He's forced to carry his team.
You know who else won back-to-back MVPs and consistently wins the regular season? Who also can't win in the playoffs? LeBron James.
On the other hand, Crosby wins championships. Thats what he does. He wins in the clutch, he wins in the playoffs, he wins in the Olympics. He's a winner. He makes the players around him better. Like Kobe does. Crosby isn't glamorous, in fact he's quite disgusting, but he is efficient.
The only good thing about hockey is the players sign ridiculously long contracts. Ovie's is for something like 13 years. I don't think I have worry about him taking his talents to the Florida Panthers anytime soon.
Number 3.
DC/Metro Area Fans- I was once proud to be a member of this group. A heartily dedicated group who stuck through things think and thin. Always remembering the glory days of old.
Now? A bunch of wishy-washy, non-commital, pansies who don't know how to believe in anything. They live life with a constantly negative outlook and can never accept the good things around them.
The Redskins have beaten two division rivals and one of the top ranked teams in the NFC yet Skins fans want to complain about how we suck and it won't last. You know what? Who cares if it doesn't last!? Who cares if we don't win another game? Enjoy our 3-2 record, enjoy being at the top of the NFC East, and support your team.
Or I will make you spend a long weekend with Jim Zorn and Gilbert Arenas.
Agent Zero- Gilbert Arenas, or, as you know him, that homeless bearded guy who points guns at everyone, is struggling to stay out of the media's harsh and imposing glare. Arenas gets a bad rap. In fact, a terrible rap. And rightfully so. He lacks what we call "common sense". He goes about each day like one of us would. We make jokes with our friends, we do stupid stuff, we make ridiculous claims and its all good because nobody actually cares what we do on a daily basis.
Gil, however, fails to understand that every action he takes has an incredible impact because he represents a professional basketball team, a major sports city and himself. When he was in trouble for bringing guns into the locker room, he clearly failed to see what the issue was. The locker room is his place of work. I don't get to bring a glock into my office and keep it in my desk. I keep it taped to the bottom of my chair. Duh. No, just kidding. I'm not a self-involved nincompoop.
When Gil says something like, "I lost all feeling a long time ago. Basketball is basketball..." or when his press day photos through the years look like this, or even better, like this, you have to wonder what is going on with this guy and why he is so far out of touch with reality. I bet he still thinks Pluto is a planet.
Now Gil is faking injuries to help teammates get more playing time. By the way, I think this is a great gesture, but a moronic move! You are a professional athlete. Being paid millions of dollars to play basketball. You don't get to call in sick. Each day I worry more and more that Gilbert will show up with a Dennis Rodman hair-do and start thanking his therapist for helping him win a championship.
Number 2.
The NHL- I am happy to admit right now that I am a casual Washington Capitals fan. They are my team in hockey, and I will root for them relentlessly, but I will not know every player on the team. In fact, outside of the Capitals I don't claim to know a ton about hockey. But here is what I do know.
There are two great players in hockey (a generalization, but go with it). The first is Capital's All-Star Alexander Ovechkin, the Russian monster who everyone claims is the best player in the league. The second is the ugly hamster looking Canuck, Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Two things you need to know:
1) There is a rivalry between the Penguins and the Capitals due to many years of facing each other in the playoffs.
2) Crosby has a Stanley Cup. Ovechkin does not.
2a) The Stanley Cup is the trophy you win when you win the Super Bowl in hockey (just appealing to my reader's who don't know hockey).
Alexander Ovechkin is LeBron James. Sidney Crosby is Kobe Bryant. This works because I hate Kobe, and I also think LeBron is ugly.
Ovie wins in the regular season. Last year the Capitals won the President's Trophy, the award given the team with the best regular season record. Ovie wins Hart Trophies, the award given the MVP of the league (he won it in 2008 and 2009). Ovie leads the league in scoring, and points, and all these hockey things I don't care to understand fully.
Ovie also flames out in the playoffs. He doesn't get it done, he doesn't perform. He's forced to carry his team.
You know who else won back-to-back MVPs and consistently wins the regular season? Who also can't win in the playoffs? LeBron James.
On the other hand, Crosby wins championships. Thats what he does. He wins in the clutch, he wins in the playoffs, he wins in the Olympics. He's a winner. He makes the players around him better. Like Kobe does. Crosby isn't glamorous, in fact he's quite disgusting, but he is efficient.
The only good thing about hockey is the players sign ridiculously long contracts. Ovie's is for something like 13 years. I don't think I have worry about him taking his talents to the Florida Panthers anytime soon.
Number 3.
DC/Metro Area Fans- I was once proud to be a member of this group. A heartily dedicated group who stuck through things think and thin. Always remembering the glory days of old.
Now? A bunch of wishy-washy, non-commital, pansies who don't know how to believe in anything. They live life with a constantly negative outlook and can never accept the good things around them.
Or I will make you spend a long weekend with Jim Zorn and Gilbert Arenas.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Defending the King
I can't take credit for the nickname, but I am a huge fan of the "Miami Thrice". I assume this is what we'll be calling the pairing of LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami next season. You gotta admit, its better than "The Big Three".Give me 5 minutes of your time to try and dispel some myths about LeBron James and I promise you can go back to hating him if you remain unconvinced.
Myth #1- "He's a giant egomaniac and he's all about himself. He's selfish and is the epitome of evil."
You have to understand two things to grasp my point here. First, this guy was made out to be the "Chosen One" of basketball from the time he was 18 years old, and nobody told him otherwise. Second, you have to actually watch basketball to make a claim like this.
You know who Ari Emmanuel is? He's the agent that Ari Gold is based on, you know, Jeremy Piven in Entourage. OK, well Ari Emmanuel was the mastermind behind the 1 hour special about LeBron's "Decision". Look here. So don't blame LeBron, he was capitalizing on an opportunity to build his brand and give to charity. I'm sick and tired of hearing members of the media and public claim they wished he would just release a statement where he was going like everyone else.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? What would everyone be talking about or reporting on if he did that? Any serious sport's fan was eating up the fact that LeBron was going to feature himself on a show that announced his decision, whether they liked it or not. The tension was palpable, the decision was eminent, it's a huge deal in the basketball world.
And if LeBron was so self-righteous he would have laid out hats from all 6 teams he considered, and removed them one by one throughout the night until he was down to just two. Cleveland and Miami. Then he'd pick up the Cleveland hat, look at it, and say, "Cleveland has given me so much, its always been my home and it is very dear to my heart." Then he'd set it down, pick up the Miami one and as he put it on say, "But, Bievenidos a Miami El LeBron-o!!! I'm going to South Beach!!!!"
All he did was calmly say he's going to Miami because he wants to win titles.
I know what you're gonna say next, "Oh, but lame blogger man, he calls himself "The King". Jordan never called himself "His Airness". This proves LeBron is a self-centered jagaloon."
I suppose you can make this point, but if people at work wanna call me "The Emperor" all day I won't tell them to stop. And I bet you wouldn't either, no matter how self-righteous you might be.
The second part of this requires you to watch LeBron on the court. You can see he's great friends with his teammates, you can just tell from watching. He pals around with them, hangs out with them, and doesn't isolate himself from them. More importantly, he averaged almost 9 assists per game last year. 9 ASSISTS! The guy is a forward! Those are point guard numbers. Look if he wanted to score 40-50 points every night, trust me, he could. He was on the Cavs...who else could score on that team without LeBron drawing defenders away? I suppose we'll find out next season when they're at the bottom of their division.
By the way, Wade, Bosh and James are all taking LESS than the max contracts they can get by playing together. This isn't about money. It's about titles.
Myth #2- "LeBron showed extreme disloyalty by leaving Cleveland, his hometown."
I don't buy this for one second. In fact, I think Cleveland showed extreme disloyalty by surrounding the most gifted player in the NBA with Mo Williams, Anderson Varejo, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, a 60 year old Shaq and expecting him to stay and win titles. You're right. It's LeBron's fault he wants to go to a team that has proven it'll surround him with talent so he can win instead of stay and play in the garbage dump.
Cleveland, I know your city has the worst luck in sports, and I empathize with you. But jimminy crickets! You're acting like you're being forced to watch a J-Lo movie! Stand strong! Be proud! Geez....at least you had a superstar for 7 years. The last superstar in Washington was....um....Chris Webber??? (If you wanna say Gilbert Arenas you're just making my point stronger). So be thankful. It shows you how selfish those "HOME" signs were, the minute he leaves you're burning his jersey instead of thanking him for not demanding a trade the day after he was drafted.
Myth #3- "This just proves LeBron isn't great cause he has to pair up with Wade and Bosh to win a title."
I hate this one the most. Did Jordan win every title with Scottie Pippen? A top 50 greatest all-time NBA player? Did Kobe win three in a row with Shaq? Did he win his last two with Pau Gasol? Did Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo all win their first title with each other? Did Tim Duncan have Tony Parker and Manu Ginobli? Did Dwayne Wade have Shaq? Did Magic Johnson have Kareem Abdul Jabar and James Worthy?
People who say this need to shut their mouths when they talk to me. They look stupid. No one can win a title by themselves. LeBron even said this last night- "You become a superstar individually, but you become a champion as a team."
The man just wants to win. God forbid he tries to do that.
Myth #4- "Michael Jordan never would have left the Bulls to win titles elsewhere. He's a noble knight upon his snow colored steed."
Duh. MJ never would have left Chicago for another team to win titles. Then again, he was being coached by Phil Jackson (top 3 greatest NBA coaches of all-time). And let's not forget that MJ was a stone-cold killer too. LeBron lacks the killer instinct MJ and Kobe have. He just does. He's more physically gifted than both of them (Don't even begin to argue this. LeBron is twice the size and twice as athletic). MJ and Kobe, however, have proven to be better basketball players and better winners.
I won't compare LeBron to MJ just like I won't compare Kobe to MJ. You can't. MJ is the greatest of all time. He did things in basketball that should have never happened, and he will always be the greatest. Kobe might be the hardest working player ever. He's changed his game the last few years to keep his team in contention for titles, and he's playing hurt every season. But LeBron is LeBron, and we've never seen anything like him since Dr. J. We need to stop comparing him to Michael all the time.
Oh and a side note for you, LeBron is 25 and finished his 7th year in the NBA without a title and people boast of Jordan's dominance as a young player. You know when Jordan won his first title? In his 7th year when he was 27. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.
Here's the point:
LeBron may not be the greatest of all time....yet. But he is a great player. He was stuck on a terrible team that never gave him the help he needed, never gave him a coach that utilized him properly (and no, going 1-on-5 in the playoffs is not properly), and they didn't put him in the best situation to win. They just hoped he'd carry them all the way with no help. Naturally, LeBron bolted to a situation where he can thrive and win titles with two of his friends.
I mean, this sounds like something I'd do if I were in the NBA. Would I want to play for the Washington Wizards just cause I'm from there? Sure, if I could and if I could win titles while I was there. But if you tell me I can go play in Florida with my two buddies and run the NBA for the next 8 years winning as many titles as we want...I'm outta here. Sorry D.C.
You play sports professionally to win. And if you can crumble a city overnight while you're at it you might as well.
Dwayne Wade for MVP. He's the mastermind behind this.
What's your reaction?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Winning the Lottery
I've heard it said many times that life is cyclical. I dunno if I believe that, but I know I've been hiding behind that excuse to justify whats been happening to Washington sport's teams in the past decade. It's uglier than a love child between Kramer and Costanza.
Last night, the NBA held its annual draft lottery. A system I love, by the way, because it facilitates the unknown as any of the bottom 14 teams has a shot at stealing the top draft pick. Let me walk you through the night.
As I said the bottom 14 teams in the league take part in the lottery, each sending a representative to accept the draft pick. They range from gimmicky (Danny Granger from the Indiana Pacers, with a 1% chance at getting the top pick, saying he was wearing a John Wall jersey under his suit) to sentimental (the late Abe Pollin's wife representing the Washington Wizards, slated to take the 5th pick in the draft based on draft percentages).
You spend the first 20 minutes watching terrible interviews and awkward questions, then someone reads out the draft order in reverse in the most uninspiring and dry way ever. Imagine a Senate hearing discussing standardized testing in schools-- I would have found that RIVETING compared to this.
However, the draft isn't dull the entire time. There is a brief moment of suspense when they announce the top three picks. This of course is ruined by the lack of emotion from any of the team representatives. Except for one little old lady.
Before I go on, we need to take a minute to acknowledge a great man. Abe Pollin had been the owner of the Washington Bullets/Wizards for 46 years. He totally transformed Chinatown after building the Verizon Center and contributed to the city in countless ways. He was a great example of a classic owner, a stand-up guy who did so much for the city and the sports teams here.
Seeing his widowed wife, Irene, represent him wearing his 1978 Championship ring on her frail little hand literally sent chills up my spine. If you understand the context you know how moving it was to see her stand next to these massive men representing the other teams and win the #1 pick in the draft. She stood with her mouth agape and the gargantuan Championship ring on her finger, mouthing "Oh my God!" Incredible.
It was almost like Abe Pollin was looking down over us. Which is bull turds cause he wasn't. But it makes for a nice sentiment. We all know the NBA lottery is rigged anyway.
So what does this mean for Washington? It means we can get an incredible building block for the future. It means we have the best chance to take the best player in the draft. It means we can finally make up for taking Kwame Brown with our last #1 pick in 2001. It means maybe, just maybe, we can get past this Gilbert Arenas drama and focus on basketball.
Maybe.
Common knowledge says to take John Wall, the point guard from Kentucky. He's explosive, lightening fast, handles the ball well and finishes at the rim. I've been on a National Player of the Year Evan Turner kick for the past 3 months or so, but I'm getting over that. I mean, he was the best player in college last year and Kobe thinks he's the best player in the draft.
Since when do I listen to anything Kobe says? That guy is a snake. Not a 'Black Mamba' snake, but a sneaky little devil snake. But wow is he good.
If you add Wall to the Wizards and start him and Arenas in the back court I think you've got something. Super athletic, super quick, small guards who can score, get to the rim and create opportunities for the rest of the team. They'll draw defenders away from the rim and open up our super star center JaVale McGee in the post.
Yikes...maybe the Wizards are further off than we thought.
Who knows though? Maybe John Wall is just the guy the Wizards need to attract some good free agents? No, not like Lebron and Dwayne Wade. But maybe Carlos Boozer, Rudy Gay or even Amare Stoudemire?
They definitely have the money if they wanted to. The Wizards have the 6th most cap space available to sign free agents this summer since trading away Antwan Jamison, Caron butler and Co.
Either way, it would appear that the cycle is turning in our favor. Maybe now it's Washington's time to regain its status as a dominant sports city. The Redskins seem to be on the rebound, the Caps have one of the best players in the league, and even the Nationals have pitching hopeful Stephen Strasburg working his way up through the minors.
It could finally be time for Washington to turn its reputation around and begin a new era of sports in D.C. Perhaps its our turn to be on the positive side of the cycle.
I mean, hey, everyone's gotta win the lottery sometime.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
More American than Baseball
American culture, like the nation itself, is ever changing. Things rarely stay the same. So, what's more American than baseball, apple pie and hot dogs? I can think of a number of things, and one of them has to do with a Vietnamese man massaging my face.
See, American culture is always shifting, always developing and rarely ever remaining the same. Sure, baseball is America's #1 sport...if this is the 1960s. Here are a few things that are provenly more American than baseball.
1. Cowboys - No, not like the Dallas Cowboys. Those are a bunch of pretty boy girly men who consistently under perform. They're like the Colin Ferrel of football (who, by the way, is recognized for one great role in Crazy Heart where he plays a country singer who wears a cowboy hat. Proving my point about cowboys). I'm talking cowboys like John Wayne cowboys. You know, the larger than life, mostly unrealistic, Hollywood depictions of cowboys. The trailblazers. They're rough, rugged and the foundation of what America is supposed to be about. They go out into the wild and conquer with no remorse. Cowboys are the reason we have words like wrangle, buckaroo, and rustler. They're the original captains of industry and they are most certainly American. I dare you to tell a cowboy to his face he's not American.
2. Football - Not only is the NFL America's consensus #1 favorite sport (source, Harris Poll), it also more accurately represents the nation. Yes, in the 1940s and 50s baseball was America's game. It is our pastime, there's no arguing that. However, the NFL has reached a level of popularity, success and intrigue that is unmatched by other sports. The shortened season (you know, not 162 games), the notoriety of the Super Bowl and the ad revenue gained cause it to eclipse the popularity of the MLB, NBA or NHL. In the NFL each game is crucially important to the season, when you play 162 games you can lose 76 games and still make the playoffs and clinch your division. 76 GAMES! The Indianapolis Colts haven't lost 76 games this DECADE. Placing an importance on winning, that's American.
3. Synthetically Manufactured Recreational Chemicals - Sure there are drug problems all over the world, but there is something distinctly American about recreational drug use. Think about it, American scientists have made great strides in developing growth hormones and steroids that boost performance, yet are relatively undetectable on most regulation drug tests. That way, people who compete athletically can break records and generate buzz about their sport under the guise of legitimacy. Its so exciting! We Americans love falsifying record books and cheating to get ahead. Its what makes our country great! ....Face it, you're sport is forever tainted, and that's not American (Neither is the Tour de France sans Lance Armstrong).
4. NASCAR - The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing is America's most popular spectator sport (source, Harris Poll). If you've seen a Goodyear Blimp shot of a raceway you know two things. 1) They are enormous and 2) they are filled to max capacity. NASCAR is even more American when you attend the race. You have down home, salt of the earth type people drinking cheap beers, eating fatty fried foods, and hooting and hollering. NASCAR is deeply rooted in tradition and stems from the American auto-business, a staple in the foundation of modern American factory work and mass production. Make fun of its viewers all you want, don't call it a sport, say its full of hicks, whatever. But it is American. Plus, watching cars crash is more exciting than watching a player adjust the straps on his gloves, his helmet, his jock strap, spit twice, squeeze the bat and readjust his jock again. Seriously, it is. In fact, I just spent 10 minutes YouTubing baseball at-bats and couldn't bring myself to link one here because they're so boring.
5. Barber Shops - Barber shops represent the American dream. What's more American than a Vietnamese family moving to America and starting up a successful business? I love getting my hair cut at these places. Who cares if my $15 hair cut doesn't immediately make the ladies swoon? When was the last time baseball wrapped a warm towel around my face and massaged my neck? Huh!? And how many rhetorical questions can I ask in a row?!?!
I could go on, talking about big business, coal, steel, oil and tobacco. The things America was founded on and [unfortunately] still run it today. But, much like watching baseball, you'd need to have giant sausages racing around to keep me interested. Baseball is so boring they've incorporated a designated time for everyone to get up from their naps and stretch. Perhaps they'll sing a song to get their juices flowing again so the crowd can be focused for the final innings. Does this happen anywhere else in the world that isn't the 3rd grade?
Look, baseball is a pastime for a reason. And quite frankly (pardon the pun) its time has passed. It needs a major overhaul. Baseball fans you know you agree a little bit with this fact. Baseball is broken. The season is 162 games, about 130 games too long. There are baseball games on TV almost everyday from April to October. Not to mention Spring Training in March. Are you kidding me? Its like when Germany began printing money after World War I. They printed so much that it had no value. People were wallpapering their houses with Franks, kids played with bricks of money like toys and it didn't make a difference. Similarly, you could build a full size replica of the Trump Tower with worthless baseball games.
We already talked about steroids, and I won't abuse that too much. Its like squirting lemon juice in a paper cut. However, steroids have not only questioned the integrity of the sport, they've made it even less exciting. Sure hitting 34 homers in a season is a nice achievement, but will the casual fan even care? If it's not 70 or more we are not interested. I'll admit, I watched when Sosa and McGwire were hammering them at every at-bat. Now? Not a chance. To make up for this, incredible emphasis is placed on absurd statistics. Do I care that Justin Morneau's OPS was .878 in 2009? DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT SENTENCE MEANS?!
In fact, baseball is so numbers obsessed that a whole new analytical tool was created to observe the game. Sabermetrics allows baseball nerds to obsess over every minute aspect imaginable. As if their sport has lost so much credibility that my high school's "It's Academic" team was challenged to come up with some physical evidence to measure the game by.
Sabermetric users would say that batting average isn't important because it provides a poor fit for teams runs scored. I would say, spend less time with a calculator and more time learning to talk to girls. Instead, they emphasize on base percentage and other tired old statistics that make the game less entertaining. What kind of stats do you hear about in football? Touchdowns scored and yardage gained. Basketball? Points, assists and rebounds. Nascar? Wins and top 10 finishes. Why are there hundreds of different stats for baseball? With more being created each year!
Those aren't the only problems. The league has no salary cap, which means rich teams get richer and poor teams get poorer. It destroys the integrity of the game and consolidates the talent pool to wealthier teams while ball clubs in smaller markets struggle to stay afloat. Why are the Yankees always good? Well, they're the most recognizable baseball team, right? So they sell lots of merchandise, right? So they have more money than say, the Kansas City Royals, right? So they can pay A-Rod $250 million and not break a sweat.
Its just a flawed, obnoxious sport that survives on the glory days of its past. I don't doubt the game used to be a staple of American culture, and that it is still a widely popular sport, but its just not relevant anymore. You're either a baseball homer or you're not. Baseball fans, you are like hockey fans from a few years ago. There are fanatics who can talk your ear off about why their sport is great and the tradition and blah blah blah. And then there's everybody else, who knows that having to watch a baseball game is worse than having to wear a wool turtleneck in August.
See, American culture is always shifting, always developing and rarely ever remaining the same. Sure, baseball is America's #1 sport...if this is the 1960s. Here are a few things that are provenly more American than baseball.
1. Cowboys - No, not like the Dallas Cowboys. Those are a bunch of pretty boy girly men who consistently under perform. They're like the Colin Ferrel of football (who, by the way, is recognized for one great role in Crazy Heart where he plays a country singer who wears a cowboy hat. Proving my point about cowboys). I'm talking cowboys like John Wayne cowboys. You know, the larger than life, mostly unrealistic, Hollywood depictions of cowboys. The trailblazers. They're rough, rugged and the foundation of what America is supposed to be about. They go out into the wild and conquer with no remorse. Cowboys are the reason we have words like wrangle, buckaroo, and rustler. They're the original captains of industry and they are most certainly American. I dare you to tell a cowboy to his face he's not American.
2. Football - Not only is the NFL America's consensus #1 favorite sport (source, Harris Poll), it also more accurately represents the nation. Yes, in the 1940s and 50s baseball was America's game. It is our pastime, there's no arguing that. However, the NFL has reached a level of popularity, success and intrigue that is unmatched by other sports. The shortened season (you know, not 162 games), the notoriety of the Super Bowl and the ad revenue gained cause it to eclipse the popularity of the MLB, NBA or NHL. In the NFL each game is crucially important to the season, when you play 162 games you can lose 76 games and still make the playoffs and clinch your division. 76 GAMES! The Indianapolis Colts haven't lost 76 games this DECADE. Placing an importance on winning, that's American.
3. Synthetically Manufactured Recreational Chemicals - Sure there are drug problems all over the world, but there is something distinctly American about recreational drug use. Think about it, American scientists have made great strides in developing growth hormones and steroids that boost performance, yet are relatively undetectable on most regulation drug tests. That way, people who compete athletically can break records and generate buzz about their sport under the guise of legitimacy. Its so exciting! We Americans love falsifying record books and cheating to get ahead. Its what makes our country great! ....Face it, you're sport is forever tainted, and that's not American (Neither is the Tour de France sans Lance Armstrong).
4. NASCAR - The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing is America's most popular spectator sport (source, Harris Poll). If you've seen a Goodyear Blimp shot of a raceway you know two things. 1) They are enormous and 2) they are filled to max capacity. NASCAR is even more American when you attend the race. You have down home, salt of the earth type people drinking cheap beers, eating fatty fried foods, and hooting and hollering. NASCAR is deeply rooted in tradition and stems from the American auto-business, a staple in the foundation of modern American factory work and mass production. Make fun of its viewers all you want, don't call it a sport, say its full of hicks, whatever. But it is American. Plus, watching cars crash is more exciting than watching a player adjust the straps on his gloves, his helmet, his jock strap, spit twice, squeeze the bat and readjust his jock again. Seriously, it is. In fact, I just spent 10 minutes YouTubing baseball at-bats and couldn't bring myself to link one here because they're so boring.
5. Barber Shops - Barber shops represent the American dream. What's more American than a Vietnamese family moving to America and starting up a successful business? I love getting my hair cut at these places. Who cares if my $15 hair cut doesn't immediately make the ladies swoon? When was the last time baseball wrapped a warm towel around my face and massaged my neck? Huh!? And how many rhetorical questions can I ask in a row?!?!
I could go on, talking about big business, coal, steel, oil and tobacco. The things America was founded on and [unfortunately] still run it today. But, much like watching baseball, you'd need to have giant sausages racing around to keep me interested. Baseball is so boring they've incorporated a designated time for everyone to get up from their naps and stretch. Perhaps they'll sing a song to get their juices flowing again so the crowd can be focused for the final innings. Does this happen anywhere else in the world that isn't the 3rd grade?Look, baseball is a pastime for a reason. And quite frankly (pardon the pun) its time has passed. It needs a major overhaul. Baseball fans you know you agree a little bit with this fact. Baseball is broken. The season is 162 games, about 130 games too long. There are baseball games on TV almost everyday from April to October. Not to mention Spring Training in March. Are you kidding me? Its like when Germany began printing money after World War I. They printed so much that it had no value. People were wallpapering their houses with Franks, kids played with bricks of money like toys and it didn't make a difference. Similarly, you could build a full size replica of the Trump Tower with worthless baseball games.
We already talked about steroids, and I won't abuse that too much. Its like squirting lemon juice in a paper cut. However, steroids have not only questioned the integrity of the sport, they've made it even less exciting. Sure hitting 34 homers in a season is a nice achievement, but will the casual fan even care? If it's not 70 or more we are not interested. I'll admit, I watched when Sosa and McGwire were hammering them at every at-bat. Now? Not a chance. To make up for this, incredible emphasis is placed on absurd statistics. Do I care that Justin Morneau's OPS was .878 in 2009? DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT SENTENCE MEANS?!In fact, baseball is so numbers obsessed that a whole new analytical tool was created to observe the game. Sabermetrics allows baseball nerds to obsess over every minute aspect imaginable. As if their sport has lost so much credibility that my high school's "It's Academic" team was challenged to come up with some physical evidence to measure the game by.
Sabermetric users would say that batting average isn't important because it provides a poor fit for teams runs scored. I would say, spend less time with a calculator and more time learning to talk to girls. Instead, they emphasize on base percentage and other tired old statistics that make the game less entertaining. What kind of stats do you hear about in football? Touchdowns scored and yardage gained. Basketball? Points, assists and rebounds. Nascar? Wins and top 10 finishes. Why are there hundreds of different stats for baseball? With more being created each year!Those aren't the only problems. The league has no salary cap, which means rich teams get richer and poor teams get poorer. It destroys the integrity of the game and consolidates the talent pool to wealthier teams while ball clubs in smaller markets struggle to stay afloat. Why are the Yankees always good? Well, they're the most recognizable baseball team, right? So they sell lots of merchandise, right? So they have more money than say, the Kansas City Royals, right? So they can pay A-Rod $250 million and not break a sweat.
Its just a flawed, obnoxious sport that survives on the glory days of its past. I don't doubt the game used to be a staple of American culture, and that it is still a widely popular sport, but its just not relevant anymore. You're either a baseball homer or you're not. Baseball fans, you are like hockey fans from a few years ago. There are fanatics who can talk your ear off about why their sport is great and the tradition and blah blah blah. And then there's everybody else, who knows that having to watch a baseball game is worse than having to wear a wool turtleneck in August.
The stadiums are pretty cool though. I'll give you that.
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