Thursday, July 29, 2010

2009 Redskins Not Top 10

In honor of the Redskins training camp starting this week, I thought I'd reflect back on a few of my favorite moments from last season. I know its early, but I'm as excited for football season as Ryan Seacrest is for a mani-pedi.

AJ's Top 10 Favorite Redskins Moments from 2009

1) Pre-season game vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers - After being shut-out the week prior to the Baltimore Ravens, the Skins rebounded and beat the Steelers in a meaningless pre-season game. It makes top moments only because my wife is a Steelers fan and I knew I had to take advantage of this opportunity. The Redskins beating the Steelers will probably only happen once in the next 10 years. Oddly, thats the same number of times Ben Roethlisberger will have consensual relations with a woman.

2) Redskins v. Rams Week 2 - This epic scoring battle was a true testament to what it means to grind it out. A famous gridiron battle that ended in the narrowest of margins, 9-7. When you can't score a touchdown against the worst team in the league, and have to rely on a last minute field goal to clinch victory, you should just end the season there. It's better to call it quits than force people to watch a terrible product, no matter how much money is made. Like when Zach Braff decided to go from doing Scrubs to acting on Broadway.

3) Redskins v. Lions Week 3 - I had my doubts about the longevity of the Redskins season after the previous week's embarrassing performance against the Rams, but (as any Skins fan does) I irrationally clung to the hope of a better tomorrow. The Lions game actually proved to be my greatest sports prediction ever. In the first quarter the Redskins were on the Lions 1 yard line and about to score. I turned to Michele and said, if the Redskins don't score on this play we will lose the game. You know what happened next, Clinton Portis got stuffed for no gain, the Lions drove 99 yards for a touchdown, broke a 19 game losing streak and I burned the Jim Zorn poster hanging above my bed.

4) Redskins v. Saints Week 13 - Speaking of heartbreaking losses, lets not forget the abomination that was the Skins blowing a win over the undefeated Saints at the foot of the ignoramus Shaun Suisham. That was the most painful loss I experienced as a Redskin. Until two weeks later...

5 and 6) Redskins v. Dallas Weeks 11 and 16 - The Skins were dysfunctional last season, but fans always hold out hope that the Dallas rivalry will spark them to greatness. Which is exactly the opposite of what happened. The first game against them at Dallas we lost in the final 2 minutes on their only touchdown on what turned out to be their only scoring drive. Then, when Dallas came to D.C., the Skins were shut-out. 17-0. This is when I lit myself on fire and threw myself at Mike Shanahan's door and convinced him to come to D.C. You can send me your Thank You cards.

7) London Fletcher - One of the best linebackers in the league, finally made it to a Pro-Bowl. No jokes here. Just a lot of respect for a ridiculously hard worker, a great player and a genuine guy.

8) Fat Albert - I always love seeing a $100 million man doing this every Sunday and occasionally on Monday.

9) Orakpo! - The only redeeming factor for Haynesworth being....well...Haynesworthless was the clinic Brian Orakpo put on quarterbacks and offensive lineman this year. He Orakpwned them! (I'm sticking with terrible puns even if they are gut-wrenchingly bad. It's like Colin Farrell choosing movie roles.)

10) Jim Zorn - Probably my favorite moment of the season came after the final game at San Diego. As soon as the plane touched down and before anybody could take a pee break, Jim Zorn got canned. It was the quickest turnaround on a decision since I went from "Two tickets for Knight and Day, please" to "SOMEONE SCRATCH MY EYEBALLS OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!"

What other moments did you love to hate? I'm looking forward to another season full of blunders and blown opportunities!

Hail to the Redskins!!


  1. aww haynesworth memories. helped me remember that i created this last year: