RG Troi?

The debate rages on. Do the Redskins sell out this draft (and some of next year’s) to start a monogamous relationship with Robert Griffin, the third of his name? Or do we flirt with big name free agents, consummating in a deadly love triangle between two-game super star Matt Flynn and I-can’t-turn-my-head-left-but-am-still-a-Super-Bowl-winning-quarterback-so-pay-me-$25 million-a-year-Dan-Snyder-you-midget Peyton Manning?

Well I’m back from my hiatus to answer this question for you. So buckle up, kids, it’s about to get rusty.

Obviously there are many factors in play here. Is Shanahan planning to build for the future, or the final two years of his contract? How much are the Skins willing to trade for RG3? The Browns, who have better trade chips than the Redskins, are also in the running and (at this point) in better position to trade up for him. Did I just make you read a paragraph on things you already knew? Is your mouse hovering over the "close window" button?

Fine, let's get into it by dissecting our options.

Robert Griffin III

My case for RG3 is simple, if you have the opportunity to take a potential franchise quarterback, you have to do it. At all costs. It’s worth the risk because of the following:

1. If we don’t take RG3, who is starting under center for us next year? Certainly not Rex Grossman again. Peyton Manning? A huge injury risk who still, after an entire year off, still isn’t close to being fully healthy or throwing at normal strength. Matt Flynn? Another uncertainty with limited game experience and will cost more than RG3 in free agency. Ryan Tannenhill? A rookie out of Texas A&M with a much more limited skill set than Griffin? What are our real options here? Doesn’t Griffin present the best upside and long term value? I just don't see a better alternative at this time.

2. The fear is that RG3 will cost too many draft picks, and he will. But let me remind you- the Giants traded the San Diego Charges two first rounders, a third rounder, and a fifth rounder for Eli Manning in the draft. Griffin will cost the Redskins a similar, if not slightly higher price. Eli gave the Giants two Super Bowl wins and multiple years in the playoffs. Was that price not fair? Heck, for two championship rings I’d say the Giants got a bargain! I believe that is the kind of potential RG3 can bring to a team.

3.  If the Browns draft him, and he’s a super star, we’ll officially be the most embarrassing franchise in the NFL. And I ain't having that.

Peyton Manning

Look, I love Peyton Manning. I’ve rooted for him on multiple occasions and think he’s one of the best quarterbacks of all time. But severe nerve damage in your neck? Four neck surgeries? It’s uncertain he’ll ever return to 100%.

But isn’t 85% of Manning still better than half the quarterbacks in the league?

Probably, but it’s unsustainable. It’s like putting a bandaid over the stump where your leg used to be. Let me ask you this- ever sleep weird on your pillow and when you wake up your neck is sore in one spot? And during the day if you turn your head and stretch that muscle it makes you dribble pee down your leg in pain? Imagine having had four neck surgeries to repair a nerve in that neck. Now imagine having 300lb lineman and Adonis-figured linebackers trying to hit you as hard as they can. Imagine trying to look off safeties and whip your head around to hit your receiver in stride on an out-route. Try going through a five-read progression in 4 seconds while avoiding pressure.

There is a long way for Manning to go to return to form. I’m not certain I want to bank my future on another big name Free Agent who will cost too much and, likely, underperform.

I do love that signing Manning will mean also signing Reggie Wayne. It gives us an experienced (and legitimate) number one wide receiver, and a guy Peyton is comfortable with throwing to. We can ignore the fact that both are past their primes.

Matt Flynn

We’re not getting Matt Flynn. We just aren’t. He’ll end up in Miami back under Joe Philbin, or be franchised by the Packers. When the Redskins do free agency, they go big (Manning) or go-screw up draft picks.

Ryan Tannenhill

The only way I want to see Tannenhill on the Redskins is if he’s on the bench behind a full-strength Peyton Manning, scribbling on a clipboard frantically. I am not comfortable drafting him with the sixth pick and starting him the next season. He’s a bigger uncertainty than Griffin, and allows us to keep all of our draft picks, but he's a guy you draft and sit behind someone worth learning from (ie, not Rex Grossman). You can’t convince me he’ll do more in his rookie year than Grossman did last year. I also don’t see Shanahan banking his final years on a guy who will likely end up in the Blaine Gabbert and Jimmy Clausen arena.

Matt Barkley

Some even say let’s fill out our position needs this year and take Matt Barkley in next year’s draft. That’s as logical as me buying a Ferrari and Louis Vuitton man-purses for all my friends because I think I’ll win the lottery next year. There’s no guarantee we’ll even be in position to get Barkley. What if he’s projected to be taken first overall and we have the 10^th pick? Is it worth it to pay more for Barkley next year than Griffin this year?

Give me Griffin, give me hope and give me some excitement. 

A Draft Recap all about the Redskins

The NFL Draft is an event unlike any other in sports. Fans, players, coaches and front offices all wait expectantly with the hope that one single decision can sway the direction of their franchise for the next decade.

But more than that, you get the rare ability to connect with college kids on a deeply emotional level. You can see a 22 year old, who has worked his whole life to reach one goal - playing in the NFL - finally realize his dream. You get to see his every emotion as Emperor Palpatine Commissioner Goodell calls his name, "With the 2nd pick in the NFL draft, the Denver Broncos select: Von Miller."

The uninhibited reactions, the tears, the overwhelming sense of pride, and the jack-o-lantern grins smeared across the faces of young men when they feel their phone ring in their hand, look down and hear on the other end, "Son, how do you feel about becoming a New Orlean Saint?". It's unreal. It's why we watch. It's what makes the NFL the most popular sport in America.

It's why my twitter feed was filled with comments like, "Why does the NFL draft make me wanna cry!?".

To be fair, most of those were from 49ers fans realizing their front office is as inept as a blowfish throwing darts.

I won't go pick by pick, I will spend too much time on the Redskins, and I will do everything in my power to entertain you and convince you my opinions are right (some things never change).

Quarterbacks in the Draft
Drafting a quarterback is more exciting than seeing Tony Romo in a "Face Punching Booth". Everyone can talk themselves into any quarterback being the savior of the franchise. Why? Because of that pretty boy jerk, Tom Brady. Drafted with the 199th overall pick he became on of the top 5 QBs of all time. Now I'm expected to believe that Blaine Gabbert (worst QB name of ALL TIME, by the way) is going to be the franchise savior for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Really?

When had anyone even heard of Blaine Gabbert before Andrew Luck declared he was staying at Stanford another year? Same with Christian Ponder. In 2010 they said Jake Locker could have gone #1 overall in this draft, then he put together (another) unimpressive, sub-par, losing record season and STILL got drafted 8th. Andrew Dalton? Still on the board for a reason. Ryan Mallet? Can't run, can't speak coherently, and will probably be suspended his first year for actually smoking a joint between drills at mini-camp. Cam Newton? Boom or bust. Likely bust, especially in Carolina.

Here's what happened. NFL fans love quarterbacks. We also love the QB Camp show Jon Gruden does with the prospective players. So draft pundits hype these guys up so much that teams are forced to take them because their fans absolutely must have them. Then, for the first time since Prince was partying like it was 1999, three quarterbacks were taken in the Top 10.

So, am I happy the Redskins traded away the #10 pick to the Jaguars so they could draft Gabbert? Absolutely. It's a position where you must get the right guy, and when you have so many holes to fill (like Washington does) you can't risk it on a chance player. Trade that pick away to someone who is grasping for a QB, get another second round pick and move down just 6 spots in the draft. It's a no-brainer.

Here's the simple litmus test I apply. Can you imagine hearing, "Blaine Gabbert has just won the Super Bowl!" or "Blaine Gabbert is a lock for the Hall of Fame when he retires"? No way! That's the worst name since Tim Couch! Couch!! If the name doesn't work, the player won't work.

That said, Ryan Kerrigan could turn out to be a Nancy....

Get it? Nancy Kerrigan?

I'll be accepting my Nobel Peace Prize for Comedy in 2012.

With the 16th pick in the draft, the Washington Redskins select...
I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted the Redskins to do before this draft. I knew they shouldn't trade up, and I didn't want a first round quarterback. For a while I wanted a sexy pick, like a wide receiver, or a smart pick like an offensive lineman. The more I thought about it, however, I realized (or was told by my friend Michael) that our defense is close to being great. We have play makers on that side of the ball and if we get a few more pieces we can be a force on the field. Remember the 2001 Ravens? They won a Super Bowl with the best defense on Earth and Trent Dilfer (Dilfer!) as quarterback.

Ryan Kerrigan is going to be a good fit on this defense, he was, by the way, the Big 10 Defensive Player of the Year. You know another Redskin great who was named Big 10 Defensive PotY? A stud named Lavar Arrington. You never know.

I love the idea of Kerrigan rushing the passer with Brian Orakpo. That gives us two stud edge rushers who are quick, strong, and love getting after the ball. Kerrigan tied a Big 10 record by forcing 14 fumbles in his career. He was 2nd All-Time at Purdue with 33.5 sacks, and 4th in the nation with 57 tackles for loss. This is a guy who makes plays in the backfield. Stops up the run, and gets after the quarterback

More importantly, he brings something to the Redskins we don't see too often with our new player acquisitions: strong character, a high motor, and an unrelenting work ethic.

I know another white pass rusher in the league with long hair and an unquenchable thirst for getting after the quarterback: Clay Matthews, who is busying brushing his hair, polishing his Super Bowl ring and feasting on the flesh of quarterbacks.

Above all, Kerrigan's character, work ethic, and resolve prove to me he's a solid pick that will improve our defense, add depth and give us something to build on.

Second Round/McNabb?
The Skins still have two picks in the 2nd round and can do some damage and fill a few holes with their picks. They can afford to take a look at a guy like Andrew Dalton or Ryan Mallet if thats who they like and still get an offensive tackle or skill player if they're available. For the record, I do not like Dalton or Mallet.

Here's one more thing I think is worth talking about. Where is Donovan McNabb going? Is it just me, or are the only people propagating his departure the media? Has anyone on the Redskins addressed them parting ways? Or has it just been talking heads on ESPN and local sports radio who are so certain this relationship is finished?

He didn't have a good year last year. He didn't and he got benched. That happens when you try to get your receivers to catch the ball with their feet. Plus, we only sat him for the final three games after we were already eliminated from playoff contention. Call me an optimist but I see that as protecting as asset from getting his kneecaps bashed while scrambling away from rhino sized defensive ends in a game that doesn't matter.

Sure McNabb never got benched in Philadelphia. His back up QBs were also a garbage man and my librarian's mother (read, just slightly worse than Rex Grossman (Grossman!!) ). Not to mention he always had talent to throw to and a strong offensive line to protect him.

Why gamble on a QB in a draft that is weak on them when you have McNabb (serviceable) and Grossman (a good punching bag) around for another year. We don't need to win the Super Bowl this year. We just need to raise the talent, fix the holes, and right the ship. Create a culture of winning and of developing good, young players. Protect our draft picks and get on the right track for the future.

Or we could throw every game and try to get Andrew Luck next year...who knows.

Some Catching Up To Do...

I love this blog. It's a lot of fun to have. I hate that its pretty much just become a place to post awards for my fantasy football league. Then again, I did warn you about that here. That said, I feel that there are a few things we need to catch up on. So let's spend the next few minutes getting behind on our work and reading something for entertainment.

Speaking of entertainment, a topic I haven't visited lately, the new Fall season of TV is here. Let's dive in on a few shows. The good, the bad, and the changing.

The Good:

Community- If you aren't watching this show you're missing out on the funniest show on NBC. In it's second season they've found their niche and the brilliant writers are slaying viewers week by week with off-the-wall hilarity only a show like this can pull off. Chevy Chase is the new Dr. Bob Kelso (Scrubs). Every line he has is hilarious, and he never misses. Plus you can follow his character's thoughts on Twitter, @OldWhiteGuySays.

The cast is a pure blend of points of view from all sides of the spectrum and includes giggle inducing running gags that have yet to disappoint.

With lines like, "Are there any other conspiracy theories?" "Yes. Did you know Go-Gurt is just yogurt?!" and "Well Shirley, since you have clearly failed to grasp the central insipid metaphor of those Twilight books you devour, let me explain it to you! Men are monsters who crave young flesh." How do you not watch this show?

Go to Hulu right now and catch up. It's only two episodes. You will not be disappointed...unless you're a stuffy old bag who doesn't like to enjoy life. Then I understand.

30 Rock- One line from Tracy Jordan, "I lost my mood ring! And I don't know how I feel about it!"

The Bad:
The Event- Let me admit this upfront, I haven't watched this show. In fact, I don't plan on it unless I have 45 minutes to kill and someone is threatening to beat me in the face with a flank steak unless I watch it. Look, I like to think of myself as a creative person. It doesn't matter if I am, I like to think that. It makes me feel good. Anyway, I've never seen such a blatant attempt to rip off another concept since that Gap commercial stole the Mellow Yellow song.

 Obviously there is a vacant spot in everyone's heart for Lost. And by 'everyone' I mean people with a lot of free time. But this show is flagrantly advertising that it will "Take the place of Lost!". Not to mention the big mystery of the season so far- "Where did the plane go?!" Are you joking? If you want to copy another show's mysterious, more-questions-than-answers type of story line, don't involve a disappearing plane! That was the whole premise of the other show! Try a little bit harder.

Also, the show features a young, black president, which is fine by me, I have nothing against that at all. Except, why is it that all white politicians on TV are old, wrinkly, scum-bag looking types and all black politicians on TV are in their 30s and have a super model wife. 24 did this with their presidents as well. Just make decisions that make sense.

One other point (because I really hate that this show exists), if you want people to buy in to the show you must have likeable characters. People you want to identify with or at least like to look at. The Event features a lead actor that is soft, unconvincing and doesn't command the show (Matthew Fox did all of that for Lost) and some crazy looking chick that is supposed to know something. Its all more unsettling than it is exciting. Hurley, Kate, Sawyer, Jack, Sun, Jin...all characters that are finitely better than anything on The Event.

Also, the name of this show is terrible. The 'event'? Who writes this? Can they be fired? I'm starting a crime-drama show, it's going to be called "Law Violators".

I hate this show.

Outsourced- I'll sum this up with a quote from my sister-in-law, "I watched the first ten minutes, turned it off and went to bed." She made the right decision. I stomached my way through the whole episode. That's the last time I do that.

The Changing:
The Office- Easily my favorite show currently on the air. This season is the last for Michael Scott, Steve Carell knows he will make millions filming movies as opposed to hundreds of thousands filming The Office. I'm not sure what is in store for the future of this show, although I do expect its run is slowly coming to an end. This season, however, we're seeing a lot of Jim/Dwight/Andy action which I could watch all day. Seriously, in college we would just turn on seasons of The Office and watch it all day. I miss college sometimes. All day spent watching The Office. Now I spend all day in an office.

The show is doing some funny things: having Dwight purchase the office building, Pam scheming her way into a faux position she created to get out of sales, and Jim having a lot of lines. And some unfunny things: bringing up deep-seated issues with Michael, not giving Creed enough lines and only being half an hour long. Either way, I think they'll pull out all the stops this season and go out swinging...Chris Brown style.

Sportz-
If you aren't reading my columns on isportsweb.com you are a terrible person. Or, a person who just doesn't care that much about football. Especially the Houston Texans. You can find my articles here, I try to keep them fun, but they're more statistically driven than the blog posts are.

Washington Redskins- I'll end with my take on the Redskins.
Offense- We have done a good job establishing the run, which is shocking. Ryan Torain is a great addition, his fresh legs bring a lot to the team and Portis showed some burst this week against Philly. We need to trade for Vincent Jackson immediately. Santana Moss is a great slot receiver, but when defenses key on him he ends up with 1 catch for 0 yards, like he did against Philly. Also, Stephon Heyer is a joke. Trent Williams needs to get healthy stat or Heyer will break the all-time record for holding and false start penalties.

Defense- Just switch back to a 4-3 already. This "bend-but-don't-break" defense is killing us. The defense stays on the field while opposing teams rack up 10-12 minute drives, then our offense (who is now ice-cold) comes back on the field and goes run, run, pass, punt. Now our defense, tired from playing 12 straight minutes and given a 2 minute rest, must come back on the field and defend for another 8 minute drive. It's appalling.

Positives, however, LaRon Landry's true potential is showing, Orakpo gets held on every play, and Kareem Moore is back. We successfully injured three of the Eagle's best players (Mike Vick, Asante Samuel and LeSean McCoy). The Redskins are a wrecking crew. If you watch, the secondary never watches they ball, they just tee-up big hits. Landry probably could have had two interceptions, but he just lines up the receivers in his sights. DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin apparently knew this, because they looked too terrified to catch the ball on the Eagle's final drive.

Hope we got caught up on everything we needed to. Fantasy Awards will post later this week, so you can look forward to ignoring that.

Redskins 2-2, 2-0 in the division!

Week 1: Redskins v. Cowboys

Hold on just one second. Hold on there. Hold it. Hold on. Hold this for me.

OK, we're ready. I had to get my fix of holding jokes before we started. In case you missed it (and you have no excuse, I stayed up until the clock expired and woke up at 5am this morning), the Skins beat the Cowboys in the final seconds 13-7 when a holding penalty on Alex Barron nullified a game winning touchdown pass to Roy E. Williams (where the 'E' stands for Egregious Excuse for a Wide Reciever).

Let's recap this game the only way a Redskins fan knows how, with blatant homerism and an unabashed pummeling of whatever is left of the Cowboys dignity. There will be high fives and repetitive jokes galore!

In celebration of the victory, let's have a 'holding' themed recap. Here we go!

Hold on to that Feeling- Redskins fans everywhere have forgotten what it feels like to hang on to a lead late in the game and not lose in the final seconds. In fact, last year we lost to Dallas on a touchdown pass in the final two minutes after leading the entire game. So enjoy this win Redskins fans. It is a huge victory for a very competitive division. Every win counts, no matter what Dallas fans are saying this morning.

By the way, this is what Dallas fans are saying this morning:

1) "We beat ourselves, too many stupid mistakes. Skins didn't win that game." - Not arguing with that, but we did force a fumble and score off it, and held the Boys to one score all game.

2) "It's just one game, we wanted to give you guys a win so you remember what it feels like. No biggie."- Let's see if you're still saying that at the end of the season when the division is neck and neck.

3) "It's Jason Garret's fault, he should have called for a kneel down at the end of the first half!" - Classic deflection. Let me guess, it was also JFK's fault for driving in a convertible?

4) "Dem Cowboys make so many scores dat Rudskins no have points to put on boards!! Go for downtouches Cah-bayysss! Make Bowl Super!" - *ahem* Sorry. I just hate the Cowboys.

5) "Mmm, warm apple pie would be so good right now."

Sorry, that last one was Wade Phillips.

Hold Your Horses- In one game, Mike Shanahan has won more divisional games than Jim Zorn did all last season. Not only was it against Dallas, but it was opening night in DC. This is a special win for Washington fans. However, lets take a second and remember the Redskins didn't dominate this game. They were just more consistent than Dallas was and made fewer mistakes. Let's not crown the Skins yet. They will not be winning (or playing in) the Super Bowl this year.

Hold on to DeAngelo Hall- I've lambasted many Redskins defensive players in my day, and I've never particularly liked DeAngelo Hall (mostly because he went to VA Tech). However, DeAngelo was clearly the player of the game this week. He showed a lot of maturity and growth this week, continually hawking the ball and forcing a big play turnover. What I've been impressed with most by him, however, is that he's a fighter and he's scrappy. He's not afraid to get in the face of the opposing team and stir things up. He brings a fire and a passion to the defense that only London Fletcher has shown in recent history. We need guys like him to make plays and put the pressure on.

That said, he still isn't a great tackler and will get beat from time to time. But his intangibles are so valuable to a defense that needs a spark.

Oh, and Tech lost to JMU this weekend. The football gods were smiling upon me.

Hold the line!- I was not throughly impressed with the offensive line this week, but I suppose it could have been a lot worse. I think rookie left tackle Trent Williams did a pretty good job against one the league's premiere pass rushers, DeMarcus Ware. They were gunning for McNabb, but he maintained his composure and was able to get rid of the ball quickly when pressured. Something Campbell never did well.

On the other side of the ball, I thought the defensive line was getting good pressure on Romo. He was forced into making short, quick passes most of the game. Brian Orakpo would have ended that game with about four sacks if Barron knew how to play right tackle without employing the "Strangle Hold" technique. I loved seeing Defensive Coordinator Jim Haslett consistently going after the quarterback even on Dallas' final drive of the game.

Hold onto the Ball- Of course the big play of the game was Tashard Choice's fumble that was run back for a score by D. Hall to end the first half. To me, however, the bigger missed opportunity was Carlos Rogers dropping an interception on Dallas' final drive. That was a quintessential Carlos "Stonehands" Rogers play. The pick would have ended the game and saved me from wetting the bed. Let me tell you, its not fun changing the sheets at 11:45pm.

Hold it right there- I've been, um...well...harsh on LaRon Landry. Zorn played him at Free Safety last year, which worked about as well as trying to start a car with a hamburger bun and a bag of sawdust. Haslett, who is not a massive idiot or suffering from a head injury, moved Landry over to Strong Safety, and brought him in closer to the line of scrimmage to stop the run, clog up lanes and get to the quarterback. It was almost inspiring watching Landry's closing speed and strength. He was highly touted coming out of LSU as a play maker and a big hitter, but he left Skins fans scratching their heads as he consistently missed coverages and was beat on double moves last season. This year seems to be a new start for Landry. Here's hoping Haslett keeps him where he is so he can play in a position he excels at.

Hold your head up- It was not an impressive game from McNabb, the Redskins wide receivers, the Redskins running backs, or the Redskins play callers. Portis averaged 3.5 yards per carry, a sub-par number. McNabb only threw for 171 yards, with a completion percentage under 50%. Washington called consecutive fade routes to Anthony Armstrong on 2nd and 3rd down that both failed. Armstrong, by the way, is only 5'11", not a prime candidate for a fade route, but what do I know. Only Chris Cooley and Santana Moss could catch the balls from McNabb, accounting for 12 of his 15 completions.

The point being, there is still a lot of room for improvement from this Washington team. Yet, we were able to get the win by playing great defense, forcing turnovers and keeping our composure when things were tight.

I mean, we just beat the Dallas Cowboys without scoring an offensive touchdown. How often will that happen this season?

Hold the door- As in screen door. As in screen pass. As in, the Cowboys called approximately 37 screen passes to rookie wide out Dez Bryant last night. This is my frustration with Jerry Jones. He gets a new toy and wants to showcase it. So instead of letting his play callers do their job he forces us to watch Dez Bryant catch screen pass, after screen pass, after screen pass. All for 0 yards. I think Bryant can be a stud in the NFL. He has the look, the size, speed, skill, and the name of a prime time wide out in this league. I think his future is bright. But please stop throwing him screen passes just so he can catch the ball.

Hold Brian Orakpo by his neck- and lose the game. Dallas' offensive line struggles are worse than we may have feared at this point. Barron is clearly not a competent lineman, and shouldn't be starting for this team much longer. Doug Free did well at left tackle, but Romo was pressured often and Jason Garret's play calling was structured on three or five step drops and quick, short passes. It kept Romo clean (he was sacked only once), but it took away the deep threat. Dallas isn't a team that can win games with a bunch of short throws and abandoning the run, which they did this game. They'll need better play from the O-line if they want to live up to the Super Bowl hype surrounding them....again....for the 10th year in a row....even though they've won 1 playoff game this decade.....the same number as the Redskins....I hate the Cowboys.

Hold to the Redskins- Pardon me, I mean Hail to the Redskins.

I Hate the Cowboys

It's Dallas week in Washington, which means Redskins fans are salivating at the opportunity to go after the Cowboys Sunday night in the nation's capital. Meanwhile, Cowboys fans look forward to a real challenge against a natural rival...their week 3 match up against the Houston Texans.

It's no surprise the Cowboys/Redskins rivalry has lost some steam in recent years. So what if the Cowboys have won 19 of the last 26 match ups? So what if the Redskins can't get out of the bottom of the division? So what if we need the quarterback of another division rival to actually have a shot at beating them?

I don't care. I have plenty of reasons to hate the Dallas Cowboys. More importantly, you have plenty of reasons to hate the Dallas Cowboys. And seeing as this blog is all about me, you get to look at it through the eyes of a Redskins fan.

First of all, where do they get off self proclaiming that they're America's team? I was taught Native Americans occupied this land first, a people the Redskins proudly represent (and simultaneously demean with their name). If any team represents this land, it's the one that resides in the capital and pays homage to the noble people who first inhabited the land. Not the lawless, gunslinging, philanderers who pillaged the land and taught us that tobacco is cool and isn't something that will slowly kill you.

Secondly, in a normal world, when I think of a greedy, immature, self-righteous owner I should think of Dan Snyder, the Redskins head honcho. Instead, my thoughts turn to Jerry Jones. Dallas provides the pinnacle of self-absorbed ownership willing to spend blindly solely to gain media attention, set records for attendance, and whore out the very good name of American Football. Jerry Jones represents everything wrong with our nation. Don't believe me? He got his money out of oil and gas. Probably the two things American's hate the most right now other than terrorism and toll roads (No, I'm not equating Jerry Jones to a terrorist. Not in writing at least).

Not only does he represent big business's dominance over the market, he reeks a noxious odor of entitlement and greed. This is a man who fired a fan-favorite coach Tom Landry unceremoniously after 29 years of service to the team, and then ran the next coach out of town after he won two Super Bowls! That coach, Jimmy Johnson, is considered to be one of the greatest, being one of two men to win a college football national championship and a Super Bowl.

Let's not forget Jerry Jones' penchant for ranting, raving and making incendiary comments about other figures in the league, including but not limited to Bill Parcells and Tim Tebow. The stench of this man! Quite the leader the Dallas Cowboys have. Do I even need more reasons to hate them? No. But I have them!

How about the Cowboys' ability to maintain center stage and be considered a perennial contender year after year when they've achieved so little and consistently disappointed so many? The Cowboys have made the playoffs four times this decade, played 5 games and won only one! That's a 20% win percentage in the playoffs. Yet every September I have to hear about how this team will be in the Super Bowl. Is that what Jerry Jones sold his soul for? Because its not working.

Heck, the Redskins boast a higher playoff win percentage this decade at 50%. Sure they've only been twice, but at least we're converting at a faster rate than the Dallas dream girls.

Look, if you want to sit around and discuss potential and "upside" go have dinner with Mel Kiper, Jr. and talk about made up statistics that don't matter. When you routinely get routed in the playoffs, lose because of general incompetence, or the inability to hold up under pressure you do not get the privileged to boast.

Yet Dallas fans are always the first to open their mouths. They drive me nuts! (Not any of the fans I'm personally friends with, of course, but the rest of them do).

Dallas fans you don't get any respect from me for being a Cowboys fan unless you or your family is from Texas. If you want to follow a cute quarterback, go root for the Patriots. If you want to cheer for a popular team, go jump on the Saints bandwagon. Take your half-hearted, transparent, uniformed rooting interests elsewhere. We don't have room for that in D.C. There's too much traffic already.

Here I am in Northern Virginia having to hear misinformed, ignorant and blind Cowboys sycophants boast about the accomplishments of this team and its domination over the Redskins. Do something in the league for once! Do something that matters! Then boast to me. Win an NFC Championship game. Win a Super Bowl. Something. Winning the NFC East is nice, but the playoffs matter more.

Cowboys have an 51% win percentage this decade, 82-78. What is there to brag about? Plus they're coached by the amorphous blob Wade Phillips. Have you ever watched a football game and visibly noticed the coach was daydreaming about pie? Only in Dallas.

Shoot, Jim Zorn looked clueless and overwhelmed all the time but at least he was trying.

Dallas fans everywhere are seething. Cocky and blind to the facts, they boast, "We've dominated the Redskins! What have you done this decade! Your team is a joke and you have no room to talk!"

Whoop-de-do. You were able to beat up on an incompetent franchise that has lacked stability and leadership for 15 years. That's like me boasting about going to the elementary school and whipping everyone's butt at a dodgeball. It doesn't compute. You have to compare yourself to your peers.

Is you're quarterback competent under pressure? Is he more than just a fantasy football machine? I don't see Drew Brees or Peyton Manning crumbling when the temperature gets turned up. Will you find a way to win no matter what? Is there a player on your team that you know will take over when the moment arises?

No. You don't have that. Tony Romo continues to be a great statistical quarterback and a poor leader. You're star wideouts have been divas that go unchecked for years until you get rid of them (see, Terrell Owens, Roy E. Williams, and likely Dez Bryant in 5 years). You can't get peak performance from a slew of stud running backs because your offensive line is crumbling and your play callers consistently want to bomb the ball down field. A defense that boasts some of the most dominant players in their position lacks organization and focus. Who do you turn to when the game is on the line? Romo and Miles Austin? Is that the latest excuse for dominate players? When have they shown clutch ability when it matters?

I look at the stud offensive units in the NFL, the Colts, Saints, Patriots, and I see leaders who dictate the flow of the game and make plays. I look at the stud defensive units of the NFL, the Jets, 49ers, Ravens, and I see fiery players who go after the ball and the quarterback like they're stuffed with money. Yet the Cowboys teams of late have lacked all these qualities, and are still placed in the upper echelons of the league. Why? Reputation? It's been a while since Aikman, Smith and Irvin were running things.

Here's the point:

The Cowboys are the Jennifer Aniston of the NFL. They bring a lot of potential, a lot of hype, and constantly remain famous. Yet everything they've produced in the last 10 years has been a wretched excuse for a professional product. They stay relevant because they were once paired with winners, and now they're defined by colossal breakups and mismanagement. Sure they may be attractive on paper, but in reality Aniston is a hot mess and the Cowboys collapse like a house of cards in a windstorm.

I hate that team. I hate the offense, Romo, Miles Austin, Dez Bryant, Jason Witten, Felix Jones. I hate the defense, Demarcus Ware, Keith Brooking, Terrence Newman. I hate the legends, Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, Tony Dorsett. I hate the idiots with stupid names, Marion Barber the Third, Roy E. Williams, Ed "Too Tall" Jones. I hate the management, Jerry Jones, and Wade Phillips. I hate Dallas.

And I carry a general disdain for Texas because of it.

Do I expect the Skins to win Sunday? Of course not. But, more importantly, do I expect Dallas to get to the Super Bowl?

OF COURSE I DO! This blog is going to be the worst reverse jinx in the history of the NFL. And thats why I hate Dallas.

Blood is burgundy for a reason.

Hail to the Redskins. Hail Victory.

Acknowledgements to Bill Simmons for inspiring some of the thoughts above.

Redskins v. Bills, Preseason Game 1

We're back folks! The time has come for me to bore you endlessly with acute observations about teams you probably don't care about and stats you DEFINITELY won't care about. I'll do my best to keep it as interesting as possible, and if you're a Redskins fan there's an outside chance you'll enjoy it. If you're a Cowboys fan you'll laugh at it. But you can go fall in a hole. So who cares.

Now lets look at the stat breakdown for McNabb in this year's 1st pre-season game as compared to his last 10 first pre-season games and get a linear regression going to project his productivity for this season. Ready?

No, I wouldn't do that you. Not until the regular season starts.

So here's the deal- the mighty, mighty Redskins faced off against the Buffalo Bills last Friday and it set the D.C. area on fire. We're all pumped up for this season, hoping to not be let down...again. As usual Redskins fans are over confident and already predicting a Super Bowl appearance.

We may not be the smartest fans...but we're loyal. We'd be Ron Weasly if this were a Harry Potter book.

Yes, I know it was a pre-season game which means its worth less than a mud pie in Georgia, and yes, I know it was against the Bills so we might as well have been playing St. Augustine's School for Blind Girls, but its not the final score that's important here (42-17 by the way). So here are a few observations I furiously jotted down in order to make your Monday afternoon a little more tolerable.

It starts at the top. Everything stands and falls on leadership. You could visibly see the difference between having McNabb under center versus having Jason Campbell. Its the difference between putting Mario Andretti behind the wheel of a car and putting my 4 year old nephew behind the wheel of a car....while blindfolded...with a sandwich in his hand.

Donovan converted 3rd downs, established steady rhythm with Chris Cooley (who will have a great fantasy year, btw), and commanded the offense with confidence. He has nothing to prove now. The opposite of Campbell's situation in D.C.

You see this in football but its largely underrated. When the quarterback is in control the rest of the team follows his lead. You have to have a guy under center who is in control.

Everything stands and falls on leadership. Guys were playing committed. Rookie left tackle Trent Williams played great, despite his nerves. London Fletcher hasn't lost a step and he tracked down and caught a guy from behind on the sideline. Clinton Portis carried the ball 6 times in a pre-season game. A pre-season game! Clinton Portis carried the ball 6 times last year. Even Big Al Haynesworth got in there and mixed things up, played with dominance and created opportunities for the rest of the team.

I'm telling you, everything stands and falls on leadership. The night before the Redskins game I was watching the Ravens take on the Panthers, for the sole reason of checking on my fantasy RB Ray Rice (He had 0 carries for 0 yards. Should be a great season for me). Prior to the start of the game, while the broadcasters are babbling on about this and that trying to create story lines for the pre-season action, I had a moment that made me laugh out loud. The cameras were scanning the players, fans, cheerleaders, and coaches. It paused on the only face on the field that could stir up such a dichotomy of emotions in me. Ravens newly acquired QB coach, and former Redskins head coach, Jim Zorn.

If you missed it you'll be glad to know he had the same dumbfounded, glazed over look on his face that he had all last season. I like the guy, but good riddance.

Mike Shanahan hasn't been in D.C. very long but there's is a colossal change afoot. You think Zorn was going to make Haynesworth sit out of practice until he passed some ridiculous (and unnecessary for a D-lineman) conditioning test? No chance. But Shanny is in charge now. He's makes the decisions.

He got Haynesworth to go back on his claim that he doesn't fit in a 3-4 defense saying, "They allow me to pass rush and everything like that, which is really important to me." Shanny has tamed the beast! Everything stands and falls on leadership.

What starts at the top trickles down. Shanahan enforces policy, McNabb leads the players, Haynesworth crumbles, and the fans respond.

Let's not forget this is a pre-season game. Yet in D.C. at FedEx field, the greatest fans in the world were so loud I heard them through my TV. They forced the Bills to use a timeout because they couldn't get the play called...in a PRE-SEASON GAME. That just doesn't happen.

As a Redskins fan you're fired up to see McNabb scramble for a first down, to see Devin Thomas catch a 44 yard bomb from Rex Grossman, to see DeAngelo Hall adjust on the spot and intercept a pass.

But if you're a D.C. sports fan, you're REALLY excited to see Brandon Banks run a punt back for a score and go straight into the John Wall dance. My only hope now is to get Strasburg to do that after he pitches his first no-hitter, and Ovie to make that his goal celebration.

Change is here in D.C. Just not the kind Obama promised.

Then again...it was the Bills.

2009 Redskins Not Top 10

In honor of the Redskins training camp starting this week, I thought I'd reflect back on a few of my favorite moments from last season. I know its early, but I'm as excited for football season as Ryan Seacrest is for a mani-pedi.

AJ's Top 10 Favorite Redskins Moments from 2009

1) Pre-season game vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers - After being shut-out the week prior to the Baltimore Ravens, the Skins rebounded and beat the Steelers in a meaningless pre-season game. It makes top moments only because my wife is a Steelers fan and I knew I had to take advantage of this opportunity. The Redskins beating the Steelers will probably only happen once in the next 10 years. Oddly, thats the same number of times Ben Roethlisberger will have consensual relations with a woman.

2) Redskins v. Rams Week 2 - This epic scoring battle was a true testament to what it means to grind it out. A famous gridiron battle that ended in the narrowest of margins, 9-7. When you can't score a touchdown against the worst team in the league, and have to rely on a last minute field goal to clinch victory, you should just end the season there. It's better to call it quits than force people to watch a terrible product, no matter how much money is made. Like when Zach Braff decided to go from doing Scrubs to acting on Broadway.

3) Redskins v. Lions Week 3 - I had my doubts about the longevity of the Redskins season after the previous week's embarrassing performance against the Rams, but (as any Skins fan does) I irrationally clung to the hope of a better tomorrow. The Lions game actually proved to be my greatest sports prediction ever. In the first quarter the Redskins were on the Lions 1 yard line and about to score. I turned to Michele and said, if the Redskins don't score on this play we will lose the game. You know what happened next, Clinton Portis got stuffed for no gain, the Lions drove 99 yards for a touchdown, broke a 19 game losing streak and I burned the Jim Zorn poster hanging above my bed.

4) Redskins v. Saints Week 13 - Speaking of heartbreaking losses, lets not forget the abomination that was the Skins blowing a win over the undefeated Saints at the foot of the ignoramus Shaun Suisham. That was the most painful loss I experienced as a Redskin. Until two weeks later...

5 and 6) Redskins v. Dallas Weeks 11 and 16 - The Skins were dysfunctional last season, but fans always hold out hope that the Dallas rivalry will spark them to greatness. Which is exactly the opposite of what happened. The first game against them at Dallas we lost in the final 2 minutes on their only touchdown on what turned out to be their only scoring drive. Then, when Dallas came to D.C., the Skins were shut-out. 17-0. This is when I lit myself on fire and threw myself at Mike Shanahan's door and convinced him to come to D.C. You can send me your Thank You cards.

7) London Fletcher - One of the best linebackers in the league, finally made it to a Pro-Bowl. No jokes here. Just a lot of respect for a ridiculously hard worker, a great player and a genuine guy.

8) Fat Albert - I always love seeing a $100 million man doing this every Sunday and occasionally on Monday.

9) Orakpo! - The only redeeming factor for Haynesworth being....well...Haynesworthless was the clinic Brian Orakpo put on quarterbacks and offensive lineman this year. He Orakpwned them! (I'm sticking with terrible puns even if they are gut-wrenchingly bad. It's like Colin Farrell choosing movie roles.)

10) Jim Zorn - Probably my favorite moment of the season came after the final game at San Diego. As soon as the plane touched down and before anybody could take a pee break, Jim Zorn got canned. It was the quickest turnaround on a decision since I went from "Two tickets for Knight and Day, please" to "SOMEONE SCRATCH MY EYEBALLS OUT IMMEDIATELY!!!"

What other moments did you love to hate? I'm looking forward to another season full of blunders and blown opportunities!

Hail to the Redskins!!

The Straw that Broke the Campbell's Back

Two weeks ago, the Washington Redskins traded Jason Campbell, a former first round draft pick and 3 year starter, to the Oakland Raiders for a 2012 4th round draft pick. This is the equivalent of running over someone's dog and asking them to apologize to you.

Campbell has been a stand up guy in Washington, anybody will tell you that. He took the blame when necessary and pointed out areas of improvement while always promising to work harder. He wasn't one to call out his teammates or pass the blame onto others, something I respected him greatly for. However, the results never showed up. His performance was like abstract art, you really appreciate the effort but you're not quite sure what you're looking at or why you're paying him $7.74 million over the next two years.

I think the one flaw Redskins fans couldn't get past was Campbell's apparent lack of passion. He was, what football people call, "cerebral". Which is code for boring, disenchanting, and uninspiring. Don't believe me? Jim Zorn was also called a "cerebral" coach...

No matter what happened with the Redskins, no matter what aberrant behavior Clinton Porits would engage in or how many losses we had piled up we always got the same response from Campbell. "We need to work harder, do the little things and get it done next week."

I guess he's right, but from the leader of your offense you want more than that! You want passion, drive, determination. You want the other players to respect you and fear you a little. In the words of Michael Scott, "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

I appreciated Campbell taking responsibility, but it never motivated the team. You never had the sense that he was in control of things. Until now.

Like I said, getting shipped to Oakland is pretty much as low as it gets in football. They may not be the worst team in the league, but the culture, the management and the players truly make it a black hole. Getting sent there by a team you have been incredibly loyal too is worse than a smack in the face, its a groin punch.

So when I saw Jason Campbell running QB drills in Oakland in his practice jersey next the plodding landmass that is Jamarcus Russell, I saw something different from him. As he answered questions from the media he had this glare in his eye that said, "Dan Snyder, I may eat your Adam's apple with my Cinnamon Toast Crunch tomorrow morning."

I think the trade to Oakland was the final straw for him. He had been disrespected and unfairly blamed for all of the Redskin's problems over the past 3 years. Even though his total yardage, touchdowns, and completion percentage grew consistently each year in the league, football analysts said Campbell was the problem. After being dragged through the proverbial mud for three years, sacked 102 times and losing 27 games you'd think Campbell had seen his worst. Now he's in Oakland for at least two years in another new offensive system, trying to turn another franchise around with another front office in disarray.

Tough cookies bro.

I don't envy Jason Campbell, but I do wish him the best. I never thought he was the issue in Washington. I also didn't think he'd be able to win a Super Bowl, but he wasn't the guy responsible for the destruction of a storied football franchise. That would be this despicable midget -->

Given the Redskin's reputation and Campbell's career I'm actually pleased with a 2012 4th rounder. If teams were patient the Redskins would have ended up cutting Campbell and a team in need could have picked him up off waivers for an incredibly cheap price. Proving, yet again, that Oakland is the armpit of the NFL.

I expect Campbell will put up good numbers in the coming years. He'll do what he did in Washington, and I think he'll do even better. He's jaded now. He's determined. He finally has something to prove.

Unfortunately, he'll go down as a mediocre quarterback and nothing more. Which is a shame for a stand up guy who gave his all to play the sport he loved. He's the product of chaotic front offices and turnstile coaching. He was forced to learn new offensive systems almost every year, And all the while he held his head high and did what was asked of him.

I think Oakland was lucky to get their hands on him.

But I'm glad he's not under center in Washington anymore.

More American than Baseball

American culture, like the nation itself, is ever changing. Things rarely stay the same. So, what's more American than baseball, apple pie and hot dogs? I can think of a number of things, and one of them has to do with a Vietnamese man massaging my face.

See, American culture is always shifting, always developing and rarely ever remaining the same. Sure, baseball is America's #1 sport...if this is the 1960s. Here are a few things that are provenly more American than baseball.

1. Cowboys - No, not like the Dallas Cowboys. Those are a bunch of pretty boy girly men who consistently under perform. They're like the Colin Ferrel of football (who, by the way, is recognized for one great role in Crazy Heart where he plays a country singer who wears a cowboy hat. Proving my point about cowboys). I'm talking cowboys like John Wayne cowboys. You know, the larger than life, mostly unrealistic, Hollywood depictions of cowboys. The trailblazers. They're rough, rugged and the foundation of what America is supposed to be about. They go out into the wild and conquer with no remorse. Cowboys are the reason we have words like wrangle, buckaroo, and rustler. They're the original captains of industry and they are most certainly American. I dare you to tell a cowboy to his face he's not American.
2. Football - Not only is the NFL America's consensus #1 favorite sport (source, Harris Poll), it also more accurately represents the nation. Yes, in the 1940s and 50s baseball was America's game. It is our pastime, there's no arguing that. However, the NFL has reached a level of popularity, success and intrigue that is unmatched by other sports. The shortened season (you know, not 162 games), the notoriety of the Super Bowl and the ad revenue gained cause it to eclipse the popularity of the MLB, NBA or NHL. In the NFL each game is crucially important to the season, when you play 162 games you can lose 76 games and still make the playoffs and clinch your division. 76 GAMES! The Indianapolis Colts haven't lost 76 games this DECADE. Placing an importance on winning, that's American.
3. Synthetically Manufactured Recreational Chemicals - Sure there are drug problems all over the world, but there is something distinctly American about recreational drug use. Think about it, American scientists have made great strides in developing growth hormones and steroids that boost performance, yet are relatively undetectable on most regulation drug tests. That way, people who compete athletically can break records and generate buzz about their sport under the guise of legitimacy. Its so exciting! We Americans love falsifying record books and cheating to get ahead. Its what makes our country great! ....Face it, you're sport is forever tainted, and that's not American (Neither is the Tour de France sans Lance Armstrong).
4. NASCAR - The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing is America's most popular spectator sport (source, Harris Poll). If you've seen a Goodyear Blimp shot of a raceway you know two things. 1) They are enormous and 2) they are filled to max capacity. NASCAR is even more American when you attend the race. You have down home, salt of the earth type people drinking cheap beers, eating fatty fried foods, and hooting and hollering. NASCAR is deeply rooted in tradition and stems from the American auto-business, a staple in the foundation of modern American factory work and mass production. Make fun of its viewers all you want, don't call it a sport, say its full of hicks, whatever. But it is American. Plus, watching cars crash is more exciting than watching a player adjust the straps on his gloves, his helmet, his jock strap, spit twice, squeeze the bat and readjust his jock again. Seriously, it is. In fact, I just spent 10 minutes YouTubing baseball at-bats and couldn't bring myself to link one here because they're so boring.
5. Barber Shops - Barber shops represent the American dream. What's more American than a Vietnamese family moving to America and starting up a successful business? I love getting my hair cut at these places. Who cares if my $15 hair cut doesn't immediately make the ladies swoon? When was the last time baseball wrapped a warm towel around my face and massaged my neck? Huh!? And how many rhetorical questions can I ask in a row?!?!

I could go on, talking about big business, coal, steel, oil and tobacco. The things America was founded on and [unfortunately] still run it today. But, much like watching baseball, you'd need to have giant sausages racing around to keep me interested. Baseball is so boring they've incorporated a designated time for everyone to get up from their naps and stretch. Perhaps they'll sing a song to get their juices flowing again so the crowd can be focused for the final innings. Does this happen anywhere else in the world that isn't the 3rd grade?

Look, baseball is a pastime for a reason. And quite frankly (pardon the pun) its time has passed. It needs a major overhaul. Baseball fans you know you agree a little bit with this fact. Baseball is broken. The season is 162 games, about 130 games too long. There are baseball games on TV almost everyday from April to October. Not to mention Spring Training in March. Are you kidding me? Its like when Germany began printing money after World War I. They printed so much that it had no value. People were wallpapering their houses with Franks, kids played with bricks of money like toys and it didn't make a difference. Similarly, you could build a full size replica of the Trump Tower with worthless baseball games.

We already talked about steroids, and I won't abuse that too much. Its like squirting lemon juice in a paper cut. However, steroids have not only questioned the integrity of the sport, they've made it even less exciting. Sure hitting 34 homers in a season is a nice achievement, but will the casual fan even care? If it's not 70 or more we are not interested. I'll admit, I watched when Sosa and McGwire were hammering them at every at-bat. Now? Not a chance. To make up for this, incredible emphasis is placed on absurd statistics. Do I care that Justin Morneau's OPS was .878 in 2009? DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT SENTENCE MEANS?!

In fact, baseball is so numbers obsessed that a whole new analytical tool was created to observe the game. Sabermetrics allows baseball nerds to obsess over every minute aspect imaginable. As if their sport has lost so much credibility that my high school's "It's Academic" team was challenged to come up with some physical evidence to measure the game by. Sabermetric users would say that batting average isn't important because it provides a poor fit for teams runs scored. I would say, spend less time with a calculator and more time learning to talk to girls. Instead, they emphasize on base percentage and other tired old statistics that make the game less entertaining. What kind of stats do you hear about in football? Touchdowns scored and yardage gained. Basketball? Points, assists and rebounds. Nascar? Wins and top 10 finishes. Why are there hundreds of different stats for baseball? With more being created each year!

Those aren't the only problems. The league has no salary cap, which means rich teams get richer and poor teams get poorer. It destroys the integrity of the game and consolidates the talent pool to wealthier teams while ball clubs in smaller markets struggle to stay afloat. Why are the Yankees always good? Well, they're the most recognizable baseball team, right? So they sell lots of merchandise, right? So they have more money than say, the Kansas City Royals, right? So they can pay A-Rod $250 million and not break a sweat.

Its just a flawed, obnoxious sport that survives on the glory days of its past. I don't doubt the game used to be a staple of American culture, and that it is still a widely popular sport, but its just not relevant anymore. You're either a baseball homer or you're not. Baseball fans, you are like hockey fans from a few years ago. There are fanatics who can talk your ear off about why their sport is great and the tradition and blah blah blah. And then there's everybody else, who knows that having to watch a baseball game is worse than having to wear a wool turtleneck in August.

The stadiums are pretty cool though. I'll give you that.

What a waste...

Jersey Shore, Deal or No Deal, Survivor, Celebrity Apprentice, Lost. I can guarantee you are addicted to at least ONE of these shows. And I bet you hate yourself just a little bit because of that.

Now I'm not saying its bad to watch them, I'm hooked on Lost and Celebrity Apprentice (don't ask me why), but could these shows be any bigger wastes of time? Yet we always watch them.

We're addicted. We're hooked. We can't turn away.

Sure J.J. Abrams! I don't mind getting strung along for 6 seasons, being promised answers, only to be left with MORE QUESTIONS!!! If you want to tell me there is a deep meaning behind a giant turtle wearing a striped cardigan eating clouds, I'm sure I'll watch it for at least 3 seasons. But, I digress....

So, I'm at home Sunday night watching TV with my wife and we get sucked into the new show "Minute to Win It". I won't lie, I was intrigued by this show before it came out. If you don't know, the show features a contestant who has to play a variety of screwy games apparently made up by a 5th grader on speed. They have 1 minute to complete each task, working their way up the chain of money trying to win $1 million. They play games like pulling all the tissues out of a box one by one, bouncing ping pong balls off plates into a fish bowl, dropping quarters into shot glasses at the bottom of fishbowls, stacking cups rapidly, etc.

Its asinine. And I watched it for two straight hours.

The first contestant, a large, jovial black man called "Big Steve", was playing his way through the games trying to win money to take his family back to Texas so his boys could grow up on a ranch enjoying life like he did as a child. A touching story, and we were rooting for him all the way. At one point, Steve was throwing bean bags at push lights in an attempt to turn them all on so he could win the challenge and $10,000. He has a good strategy, start at the bottom, work your way up. One at a time. Focus. Remember, he has 60 seconds to complete the challenge. As the clock winds down and Steve has 1 light left, the top light on the pyramid, the tension becomes palpable. Can he do it? 10 seconds left...too high...9 seconds...to far left...8 seconds...too short...7 seconds....My wife throws her arms in the air and screams, "YES!!!!!!" He's done it.

I look over at her. We take a second. We quickly realizes how foolish we are. We've just spent over half an hour watching Steve pull tissues, bobble his head, and bounce ping-pong balls into a fish bowl. And here we are screaming in exclamation that Steve was able to turn on the final push light (a product nobody uses) with a bean bag (a toy nobody uses). I fear we may have lost our minds. Just to make sure, we watch the rest of the episode...and the one that follows. Notion confirmed.

Then why is mindless television so popular? So addictive? Do I judge you for watching Survivor Season God Knows What? or Celebrity Apprentice: Are Any of Us Actually Celebrities? or Jersey Shore: Rise of Little Orange Smurf People? No! Well, yes for Jersey Shore. But not the other ones!

We were rooting for Big Steve because we wanted him to take his family back to the country. We root for contestants on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance because we grow attached to them. We live vicariously through game show contestants and laugh at the embarrassment that is MTV programming.

Our worlds are fast paced. We're pushed to be connected to everyone at all times. No matter where you are in life you are juggling multiple responsibilities and maintaining multiple relationships. Point being, you won't find a bigger fan of turning your brain off at the end of a long week than me.

So here's to mindless television! I'm sure you'll be the downfall of our society, but at least I won't be mentally aware enough to notice.