The Office Crisis

Perhaps it's just another slow day work, or maybe its the constant chatter of my officemates debating which bachelor is right for Ali that drove me to blog today. Ultimately, however, my mom said to write something that isn't about sports. And since I don't want to lose my only reader, I'm going to oblige.

There are two things on my mind currently- the first is the impending Office crisis (not the one about who stunk up your cubicle) and the second is why is it possible for fruit to be 'over-ripe'? I thought ripe was good?

You might have heard that Steve Carell is leaving The Office after this season. If you haven't, then I think this qualifies as the first story I've ever broken. Call the newspapers! Er....call the online news sources! Nominate me for a medal! This is my greatest achievement since sitting through an entire Disney sports movie without crying!

What? I'm in touch with my emotions. Get off it.

Anyway, I love The Office. Its the best show on television that is entering its final season before inevitable collapse. A few months ago I wrote about the comparisons of the U.K. Office and the U.S. Office seen here if you're bored (and yes, I used that sentence so I could link to an archived blog Bill Simmons style). The two shows are so different and we've seen that through the long time success of our version and its impact on American television programming.

My problem is I wish there was a reason to hate Steve Carell for leaving. He's not breaking contract or selling out, just moving on to bigger things. Plus, he's probably doing the smart thing by getting out after season 7. Most shows go downhill after 5 seasons because there just aren't that many fresh story lines that are believable. I've read that this season Holly comes back for 8 episodes and Dwight might just succeed in buying the office building, so there's plenty of material. But after that without Michael? I just don't know. It's gonna be like Cleveland after LeBron left....except I won't burn my seasons of The Office on DVD because I don't waste money trying to act self-righteous.

And....that's about enough with the factually relevant and sensible discussion. Onto absurd conclusions and hate mongering.

Here are 5 things I think about the 3rd best show NBC on Thursday nights, 30 Rock:

1) Die-hard fans of 30 Rock suck. They're as irrational as doggy hotels. If dogs wanted to stay in tiny hotels they would have built them in the wild out of kibbles and bits.....of dead rabbits. I haven't found one person who can discuss 30 Rock without calling me a noob or something. Why can't you just like your show the best and I can like my show the best? I still watch 30 Rock. I just don't also re-watch it on Hulu the next day and then send Youtube clips to my friends at work then berate anyone who dares to say that any show in the history of television is better than it. Settle down people.

(I wanted to post a screen shot of the "Leave Brittany Alone" guy and caption it with "LEAVE 30 ROCK ALONE!" but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't live knowing his picture is somewhere on my blog. Instead, here's a picture of a Charmin bear playing football with toilet paper on its butt. Because bears use toilet paper.)

2) You don't even have to write lines for Tracy Morgan. Every word that comes out of his mouth is fraught with nonsensical hilarity. He's the Ron Artest of TV....minus the violent streak.

3) I will watch Alec Baldwin in anything. Which explains why I watched "It's Complicated" the other day. What!?! His voice is as velvety as LL Cool J's kangol hat.

4) Tina Fey has finally succeeded in convincing me she is a horrible looking untalented wench. I always liked Tina Fey, I thought she was a brilliant writer for SNL and a comedic genius. But 80% of the show is them telling me she's ugly and useless. I need some new shtick. I got bored of it 4 season ago.

5) No seriously, Tracy Morgan has the best lines on any TV show ever. For example: "I can't read! I sign my name with an X! I once tried to make mashed potatoes with laundry detergent! I think I voted for Nader! NADER!"

They're so good some guy made a website with all of his lines. Every single one of them. Seriously, look.

Here's the point- I miss The Office, Community is the 2nd best show on NBC, 30 Rock fans make me feel weird, and I don't know how to format TV show titles when I write them.

Leave me alone.

And share your thoughts! 10 bucks says you don't.