But that's ok! Because what we lack in humility we make up for in charm, quick wit, handsomeness and general masculinity. Did I mention we're full of ourselves?
I tell you this because often times we can get into situations that are largely slanted against us. Take my brother Jason, for instance. This is a guy who selflessly elected to travel to South Africa to spread the Good Word by playing basketball, speaking to youth and petting wild lions. Pretty humble right?
What you don't know is he also takes longer to get ready than every female in my family. He owns 27 pairs of shoes, models his hair after what is popular in Europe right now and keeps his facial hair neatly trimmed with a level 2 razor.
What can I say? We're not perfect. I mean, look at this guy!
So my brother Jason had a friend who, in an attempt to raise funds for his trip to South Africa, foolishly created a Facebook Fan Page. If anyone knows anything about anything, its that the only thing used less than a Facebook Fan Page is the Slap Chop. Naturally, the page was quickly abandoned and a grand total of 4 Lira was raised by a very confused Italian man named Frederico.
There the page lay... wasted, alone, in want of attention. Enter our villians:
For anonymity sake, we'll call the guy in the picture Libby and we'll call the chick Joe. You know, so no one knows their real names.
These two dirty devils discovered the aforementioned Fan Page and saw it as an extraordinary opportunity to challenge the McGraw name. They fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is to never get involved in a land war in Asia- but only less than that, is to never challenge the McGraw name when our pride is on the line!
They challenged my brother to get 500 fans in 30 days. If he fails, Puerto Rico will forever be tattooed on his lower back.
Now, I understand this causes confusion. Most of you probably think it would be hilarious for Jason to have a small US territory stamped on his tramp. But we McGraws need you to defend our honor! This isn't a question of comical inking, its a blatant challenge to the name of one of country music's biggest stars!
Its Taylor Swift McGraw, right? Whatever.
So I'm asking you to do one thing for me. Join his Fan Page. I already know you're logged into Facebook, thats how you got to this page to begin with. So give me two clicks. One here, and one where it says Become a Fan. Remember, Fan Pages just kinda disappear somewhere on your profile and you never see them again. So no harm done.
Look, I know. I'm whoring you out. I apologize in advance. I really do! We all know we hate that person that invites us to events happening 4 hours away on a Wednesday night, or to become a fan of the Feminist Movement of America, or to join a group about Chapstick. I'm giving you the power, just two clicks. It will literally take you 6 seconds. Do it. Please.
If that doesn't persuade you maybe this will.
Don't deny the Captain. You'll regret it.
1) We McGraws are pathetic
2) I'm a scum bag asking for your help
3) Anyone who knows the conversion rate of Lira to Euros to American Dollars, could you post it in the Comments section below? Frederico needs his cash back.
4) Please join the Fan Page and consider inviting some of your friends to do the same.
5) The power is yours! Captain Planet...he's our hero...something about pollution and bad guys and zero!