Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Fantasy Football Pre-Season Awards

Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived. The NFL season and the fantasy season are here, so what better way to kick things off than with a few pre-season awards to whet your appetite? If you're unfamiliar with the league take 2 minutes and read this recap of the guys playing.

As always I like to start the awards from the bottom of the league, which inevitably means Neil's team. And we're off!

BP Executive Mis-Management Award- This award goes to Ralph for his poor draft day strategy. After seeing all the top level tight ends drafted, Neil thought it would be safe to wait a few extra rounds before grabbing the next best available. He waited a round too long and when teams started drafting back up tight ends (thus eliminating all reasonably useful players at that position) Ralph was left with the bottom of the barrel players. Let's just say the hole in Neil's lineup is as big as the one between Mike Tyson's teeth...and ears.

Jamarcus Russell Award for Failure- We're bringing back this award from last year because nothing celebrates failure better than the human wasteland that is Jamarcus Russell. This week our most senior member, Tom, takes the award for being the only owner to miss the draft. Granted, his memory isn't what it used to be and I hear cataracts can be the pits. But heck, even Jimmy grossly violated man code by bringing his girlfriend to the draft. So you'd figure Tom could make it too (we call that a "zinger" in the industry).

The "You're Lambda Chi Alpha!" Award- Another call back from last year's awards, this award pays homage to Noord's "un-sober" phone call to me mistaking me for someone in a different fraternity. It was made all the better because he was dressed up like Dwight Schrute at the time. The award is given to someone who does something that causes you to say, "That boy a'int right." Anyway, it's only right to give the award to the man it was named after, so congrats Noord! Not only did Noord pick the migraine prone Percy Harvin in the 7th round, he also took the unsigned, suspended for 6 games, not-wanted-on-his-team-but-unable-to-be-traded Vincent Jackson in the 10th round. I mean, I guess I hope it works out for you but maybe not the greatest decision. And I think there are a few closets that would agree with your lack of decision making. See here, if you're confused.

Drew Brees/Tom Brady Haircut Award- For things ugly and outdated. Since none of us are actually ugly, we turn to our previous champion, Ricky. His title is now void in my mind, since the new season has begun. So lets take a few minutes to revisit his fantasy habits. Ricky loves changing his team. He adds players off waivers then drops them moments later, he'll hound the waiver wire searching for deep sleepers, and he's always looking to make a deal. In fact, the draft was Saturday and he's already made two trades. Gotta love having him in the league, if nothing else he keeps it interesting. We'll monitor his add/dropping behavior over the ensuing weeks and I'm sure I'll have some stats that will put you straight to sleep. Always something to look forward to!

Miller Lite "Great Call" of the Week- Austin took Ryan Matthews, the rookie running back out of USC playing for the Chargers, with his second pick. It's a great call because waiting until the secound round ensured he can use Matthews as a keeper for next year. Crafty move Austin, someone's trying to step their game up. Now trade me Aaron Rodgers or I'll murk you.

Bud Light "Here we Go" Award- To ensure equal sponsorship, and use of an equally great tagline, we'll throw this sponsored award into the fray and see how it does. Week 1 boasts a few interesting match ups. There's the battle of the Walker-Bound Nursing Home, Tom v. Creasman. The Civil War of Newport News, pits residents Ricky and Sam against each other, and my match up which will result in a loss to Wheels because Chris Johnson is going to rush for 300 yards against the Oakland Raiders. I'm going to call it the Oakland Massacre, not to be confused with the nickname their fans gave every Raiders game last season. Here we go!

I'm looking forward to the season officially starting tomorrow night when the Minnesota Vikings take on the New Orleans Saints in a rematch of the NFC Championship game. The season has begun and there will be many more awards handed out as we go. Stay tuned.

My predictions: Saints win, Adrian Peterson has 2 rushing touchdowns, and Brett Favre's ankle officially detaches itself from his leg.

We can only hope.

1 comment:

  1. Point of order... I am two days older than Tom.

    That is all.