Sunday, September 11, 2011

Pre-Season Power Rankings

Yet more startling ingenuity flows forth from a group of dim-witted nitwits. We here at Ducal Crown Unlimited, unsatisfied with our current nerddom, have decided to up the amount of statistical irrelevance associated with Fantasy Football.

Each week, league owners will send me their rankings and I'll determine the combined Power Rankings by an overly complicated mathematical equation I thought up all by myself (read: Ricky told me how to make numbers add and divide).

Before we get into the actual rankings, here are a few fun facts from the compiled data:

1a. Five managers accurately predicted themselves in the final rankings. Coincidentally, it was 5 out of the top 6 teams.
1b. The other five teams? All over-predicted themselves by an average of 2.6 spots.
2. Out of five managers who missed their own rank, three of them ranked themselves 4th overall.
3. TJB (Trail of Tears) had the most accurate rankings. He accurately predicted four teams (the top three and himself), and swapped teams 4/5, 7/8, and 9/10.
4a. TJB also had the widest variation of ranks. Out of ten votes, he received ranks of 2, 3, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
4b. Score with the next highest variation? Bryan Gunst (WheelsGoNonStop) who was also the only manager to be receive a vote for 1st and 10th.
5. Jimmy and Creasman tied for their ranking, but Creasy had the majority of higher rankings, placing him higher overall.

Now the results:

1. AJ McGraw (deSPEcable me)- Coming in with six #1 votes, two #2 votes and a rogue #4 and #5 ranking,  I was the consensus number one pick by the league. Must be because my wide receiver core is more stacked than Dolly Parton. Larry Fitzgerald, Calvin Johnson and Vincent Jackson could all finish in the top five of fantasy receivers by the end of the year. They won't....but they COULD!

2. Neil Morrissette (Team Ralph)- It feels like just the other day we were chiding Neil on his inability to draft anyone relevant past the 5th round (Roscoe Parrish!?), his penchant for frail body QBs (Mike Vick and Matt Stafford), and his unnatural jaw size (it's like Quaqmire with a lip in). Turns out it was a week ago, but still. You're the Number Two to my Dr. Evil. Glad to have you aboard.

3. Austin Perry (Pledge Prez Perry)- I'm hoping this ranking is based on the quality of his entire team and not because Aaron Rogers just hung up 32 fantasy points on me Thursday. Then again, I'm also hoping they start re-making the Harry Potter movie series over the next decade, but we don't always get what we want.

4. Ricky May (WeHavinABabyNItsABoy)- He wins first place in hardest team name to type. But, knowing Ricky, he'll re-make his entire team with trades next week...and won't move in the rankings.

5. Bryan Gunst (WheelsGoNonStop)- I'm not surprised Gunst's rankings were so varied. He could have two very dominate RBs (Gore and Foster), or he could be starting Beanie Wells and Fred Jackson by week 3 when the others are limping the sidelines on crutches.

6. TJ Buerle (Trail of Tears)- A number six ranking for a guy in his first year in the league drafting with no keepers is impressive. Then again, wait til you see who finished below him.

7. Eric Creasman (God.Bless.Day.Beers)- Great team name, less great when your second running back is Ryan Grant...and one of your keepers is a running back...and you had the #1 pick in the draft.

8. Jimmy Hostetler (B-Button Spin Move)- I assume this is because people don't like his QB (Big Ben), his WRs (Reggie Wayne/Dwayne Bowe) or his running backs (Mike Turner/Peyton Hillis). Other than that though...this team is stacked.

9. Sam Persons (Touchdown Jesus)- I'm a little surprised by this ranking. Sam has Andre Johnson, Antonio Gates, and Rashard Mendenhall on his team. Sam also has diabetes, know. #CopOutJoke

10. Matt Noordhoff (O Rak Rak Rakpo)- If we did this poll last year, Noord probably would have finished 10th every week. But he finished the season second overall after losing to me in the title game. I'm calling it incredibly good luck. Don't believe me? Noord plays me in Week 6. The week Larry Fitzgerald, Vincent Jackson, and Jamaal Charles are all on Bye. 'Nuff said.

Ok, you dirty, rotten animals. There are your power rankings. Thank me later.

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